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Am I overreacting

  • Yes

    Votes: 1 3.7%
  • No

    Votes: 26 96.3%
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What is the purpose of your concern and your post? Are you afraid of her cheating or dumping you? Be honest because context matters.

There is some calculus here. If she gained 80 lbs and has returned to her previous weight and level of attractiveness AND you have remained at your level of attractiveness and your market value and you two are now back to similar market values (assuming you were similar to begin with) then this is just a matter of her getting back in her stride and a matter of appropriate vs borderline inappropriate conduct on social media.

However- if she is now actually more attractive and sexy than she was when you got together and you have now gained lots of weight and she is notably more attractive and of higher market value than you, then you do have cause for concern here.

A quick google search of “post weight loss infidelity” or “post weight loss divorce” and you will see there can be reason for concern here.

This is something that the people who have the weight loss surgeries often contend with. Frequently both are overweight when they get together initially and then when one loses 100+ lbs, that puts them in a higher league and it’s a risk for the other to get left behind.

80 lbs is a significant loss and good on her for taking charge of her health and vitality.

But your level of risk here depends a lot on you and your market value. Are you two relatively equal in attractiveness now or is she significantly higher than you now?
I guess men can be pretty to each other. When my husband and I regularly went to meetups together, he said he would get this look from the guys who were checking "You're with her??"
 

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yet so many women fall into that 'oh you look great/sexy/beautiful' nonsense thus feeding the posters insecurities when people post photos that are clearly seeking attention. If no one did that they wouldnt post them. Its not benefitting someone who is wanting/needing that constant attention if others give it to them.
The OP said that his wife has a 'new boost in confidence', to me it doesnt seem that way because if she felt that confident she wouldnt need to keep on posting semi naked pictires on her social media pages.
The type of confidence you are describing is actual self-worth and self-respect. It doesn't have any relation to the attention getting selfie behavior.
 

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I’m new to this site so forgive me if I’m not quite doing it right. My wife and I are in our 30’s and after we had our first baby she gained a lot of weight which I did not care but she was very unhappy and borderline depressed. All this during the beginning of March. During the time she got laid of cause of this crazy virus but I made enough so it didn’t matter. She started eating better and working out non-stop which I supported. Fast forward to July. She lost a whopping 80lbs and was as happy as could be. She started dressing very “confident “ which again I supported. Then she starting posting pics on social media in her panties. First time I saw it I was a bit thrown back. In reality I should’ve said something but who was I to her no, after all she had been down for awhile and was a terrific mom and wife. Than they got a bit more graphic where she would only be wearing thongs and covering her breast. It was a turn on but so did every guy who saw it. I tried to talk to her about it but she said that she’s never felt so confident before and thanked me for being supportive. Her phone is never locked but I have never snooped cause I won’t do that. But I know she gets a lot of comments from both men and women based on the comment section but I’m sure she is getting private messages but I can’t prove that or maybe I don’t want to. She kids around that she is becoming a hotwife but truthfully I don’t think she really gets what it means lol. Maybe I’m just overreacting cause so far she hasn’t done anything to make me worried.
Don’t be so naive.
 

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I don't see this as a step toward cheating, but I do see it as extreme attention-seeking behavior. I'm not on fb anymore, but I used to have an acquaintance who did pole dancing classes and would post pictures of herself doing all her sexy pole poses in skintight clothes. She was seemingly happily married but generally REALLY insecure and needed constant validation from everyone about everything. The whole thing (her obvious neediness and the posting of the sexy photos) made me super uncomfortable.
My point is, I don't assume that OP's wife is necessarily looking to cheat, but I do assume she's looking for a ton of validation and attention from absolutely anyone willing to give it. That's a slippery slope. It's also not a mentally healthy place to be.
 

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I don’t really agree with this statement. Just because someone posts a picture, that doesn’t mean they want to cheat. I posted plenty of bikini pictures with my friends when we were young and hot, but I never cheated. If she wants to cheat, she would regardless of pictures.
This situation is completely different then yours. OP’s wife is fishing for the attention from others. It is also escalating from clothed to only a thong. She also has OP’s full support by him being passive. There are just to many stories where this has ended in cheating. I don’t believe most of them intentionally set out to cheat, it just happens when thing get carried away.

I also think OP would be ok if she did cheat by his reactions to post on this thread.
 

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I don't see this as a step toward cheating, but I do see it as extreme attention-seeking behavior. I'm not on fb anymore, but I used to have an acquaintance who did pole dancing classes and would post pictures of herself doing all her sexy pole poses in skintight clothes. She was seemingly happily married but generally REALLY insecure and needed constant validation from everyone about everything. The whole thing (her obvious neediness and the posting of the sexy photos) made me super uncomfortable.
My point is, I don't assume that OP's wife is necessarily looking to cheat, but I do assume she's looking for a ton of validation and attention from absolutely anyone willing to give it. That's a slippery slope. It's also not a mentally healthy place to be.
You just haven’t read the right threads on here.
 

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This situation is completely different then yours. OP’s wife is fishing for the attention from others. It is also escalating from clothed to only a thong. She also has OP’s full support by him being passive. There are just to many stories where this has ended in cheating. I don’t believe most of them intentionally set out to cheat, it just happens when thing get carried away.

I also think OP would be ok if she did cheat by his reactions to post on this thread.
I totally agree a bikini has a different connotation from a bra and panty set, but the goal was the same. We felt hot and wanted the world to agree. My point is that this doesn't always indicate cheating and can be a transient moment. I also agree this is a pivotal moment within their marriage regarding infidelity.

I still stand by let her live within reason after such a huge accomplishment, but she should be aware of how she comes off on social media. This deserves a conversation but doesn't have to be a marriage-ending brawl. Weight loss is a big deal and has saved many marriages, so OP needs to be conscious about how he navigates this situation. His wife just wants to feel gratification and is probably struggling with her own self-image after feeling unattractive for so long.

If this thread were from the wife's perspective, everyone on here would be saying "you go girl! Show off your hard work"!
 

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I don't see this as a step toward cheating, but I do see it as extreme attention-seeking behavior. I'm not on fb anymore, but I used to have an acquaintance who did pole dancing classes and would post pictures of herself doing all her sexy pole poses in skintight clothes. She was seemingly happily married but generally REALLY insecure and needed constant validation from everyone about everything. The whole thing (her obvious neediness and the posting of the sexy photos) made me super uncomfortable.
My point is, I don't assume that OP's wife is necessarily looking to cheat, but I do assume she's looking for a ton of validation and attention from absolutely anyone willing to give it. That's a slippery slope. It's also not a mentally healthy place to be.
I agree. Though we could be wrong, I do think OP's wife is wanting validation and to finally not feel like the "fat kid" in the world. This is something she will get past!

As I previously mentioned in a reply above, my mom did the same thing. Though it wasn't panty/bra pictures, she did start dressing in tighter clothes/lower necklines. I think this is a phase people deserve to get through after accomplishing something like this in their life.

This isn't a pass to have a PA or EA, but I strongly advise having a conversation to keep this moment joyus. I think she is a badass for losing 80 pounds and firmly believe she is having an "oh sh!t" moment now that she realizes she is considered "in shape". That is a big deal for someone who had a goal of getting fit!

Again, congrats to her and your marriage. I hope this results in lots of intimacy ;)
 

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I totally agree a bikini has a different connotation from a bra and panty set, but the goal was the same. We felt hot and wanted the world to agree. My point is that this doesn't always indicate cheating and can be a transient moment. I also agree this is a pivotal moment within their marriage regarding infidelity.

I still stand by let her live within reason after such a huge accomplishment, but she should be aware of how she comes off on social media. This deserves a conversation but doesn't have to be a marriage-ending brawl. Weight loss is a big deal and has saved many marriages, so OP needs to be conscious about how he navigates this situation. His wife just wants to feel gratification and is probably struggling with her own self-image after feeling unattractive for so long.

If this thread were from the wife's perspective, everyone on here would be saying "you go girl! Show off your hard work"!
Going by what has been said here, I think many of us would be saying well done on the weight loss but posting semi naked photos of yourself in thongs on facebook is just innappropriate.
 

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They might not be on her friends list and they probably don't keep pestering her once hubby replies to them.😊
There are privacy settings that will stop people not on your friends list from being able to see anything.
 

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Just as a side thought...do any of you support all the female celebrities\athletes, etc. that have been posting pics of themselves in bikinis, lingerie or even semi-nude and nude all over the place. Many of them are married. The Internet is ablaze with positive support for all of them for various reasons, (losing weight, reducing racial discrimination, reducing age bias, etc). Yahoo news and other sources pretty much have one every day.
 

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Just as a side thought...do any of you support all the female celebrities\athletes, etc. that have been posting pics of themselves in bikinis, lingerie or even semi-nude and nude all over the place. Many of them are married. The Internet is ablaze with positive support for all of them for various reasons, (losing weight, reducing racial discrimination, reducing age bias, etc). Yahoo news and other sources pretty much have one every day.
As I see it it demeans them greatly. When people say its 'empowering' it makes me laugh. Its the total opposite of that.
 

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Just as a side thought...do any of you support all the female celebrities\athletes, etc. that have been posting pics of themselves in bikinis, lingerie or even semi-nude and nude all over the place. Many of them are married. The Internet is ablaze with positive support for all of them for various reasons, (losing weight, reducing racial discrimination, reducing age bias, etc). Yahoo news and other sources pretty much have one every day.
No.
 

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Just as a side thought...do any of you support all the female celebrities\athletes, etc. that have been posting pics of themselves in bikinis, lingerie or even semi-nude and nude all over the place. Many of them are married. The Internet is ablaze with positive support for all of them for various reasons, (losing weight, reducing racial discrimination, reducing age bias, etc). Yahoo news and other sources pretty much have one every day.
All that is part of their "image" and marketing of their brand....I would think that type of stuff is considered part of the job/career...

Not remotely the same as what is being talked about in the thread....
 
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