Happy to be in the 12% or 20% whatever. Not sure who "Cooper" is ( Billy's fictional husband on NetFlix?) or how he collected these statistics for his "book". Evidently the book needed some "data" to confirm it's predetermined conclusions. Only a few of us happy people post to TAM, and doubt many happy people are responding to some random guy's polling.
Why would a man accept a marriage then accept no sex from W?
Why in the world would a guy accept no sex for weeks, months, years in a new M, or even later in a ltr M?
I truly would like to here more on this, because I cannot for the life of me understand a guy that has a good W but she's always got an excuse for no sex, which makes her a not good W.
Part two I suppose; what makes in even conceivable to a W to believe that H will be happy and ACCEPT there's no sex?
I truly would like to here more on this, because I cannot for the life of me understand a guy that has a good W but she's always got an excuse for no sex, which makes her a not good W.
Part two I suppose; what makes in even conceivable to a W to believe that H will be happy and ACCEPT there's no sex?
121 - 140 of 193 Posts
I don't think marriage means unconditional love, that is for your children. Wedding vows are to love, honor and respect or some variation of that. Those are the conditions. The goal is to stay true to those vows until death. Everyone doesn't make it to that goal, but we all try. Do you avoid everything where the goal is difficult? That sounds like an unfulfilled life.Me neither. But it seems that's exactly what the parties are expecting when they exchange their meaningless vows that are broken more often than not. You know, the ones that say love each other "til death do them part", no matter what happens- until it actually happens.
"Marriage is the deepest level of commitment!" all they proponents say. Until one or both want out, then it isn't anymore. Some exchange "life long" vows over and over again and each time they marry, "This is the one!".
Sure it is..
Marriage is the deepest level of commitment in a relationship. Any commitment or contract can be broken, especially if the conditions are broken. Divorce is difficult, by design. Marriage is the deepest level of commitment after all, so it shouldn't be easy to dissolve.
I'm with @Rus47 in the 12% or 20% or both. I'm skeptical of surveys of this kind. They are likely biased by the author who is trying to make a point. There is another survey that says the complete opposite The vast majority (86 percent) described their marriages as either “very happy” (24 percent), “extremely happy” (51 percent), or “perfect” (11 percent). Those seem like pretty good odds to me. Which survey do we trust?I’d say about 20% of TAMers are happy in their marriages. 80% are miserable and are white knuckling it. In line with the statistics of the overall population. Cooper wrote in his book that a survey found that only about 12% of the married population were in marital bliss. 88% are divorced or unhappy or meh. House odds? Not a chance. The casino has only a 54/47 house advantage in blackjack. The marital game is rigged that almost nobody wins….until divorce.
What percentage of marriages are happy? – MV-organizing.com
www.mvorganizing.org
Personally I stayed for the kids.
Couldn’t bear to become one of those part time Father’s who take their kids to McDonald’s on a weekend.
I ended up getting my needs met elsewhere.
An older married couple friends of ours were talking the other day and the Wife said there was nothing wrong with sex twice in the last 8 weeks. I reminded her that a sexless marriage is classed as 12 times a year or less and she replied that I read too much!
Her husband then later on whilst we were on our own said they’ve not doing anything for 2 months and she’s in control over the frequency etc. Little does his Wife know he’s been going down the local brothel to get his needs met there instead he told me.
His wife is his business partner and that would be a messy divorce.
My wife’s been told she’s got 12 weeks to book her ideas up. I’m getting in shape and I expect more reciprocal responses when I initiate. Don’t threaten me was the response.
Let’s see what the next 12 weeks bring. A sixpack for sure!
Couldn’t bear to become one of those part time Father’s who take their kids to McDonald’s on a weekend.
I ended up getting my needs met elsewhere.
An older married couple friends of ours were talking the other day and the Wife said there was nothing wrong with sex twice in the last 8 weeks. I reminded her that a sexless marriage is classed as 12 times a year or less and she replied that I read too much!
Her husband then later on whilst we were on our own said they’ve not doing anything for 2 months and she’s in control over the frequency etc. Little does his Wife know he’s been going down the local brothel to get his needs met there instead he told me.
His wife is his business partner and that would be a messy divorce.
My wife’s been told she’s got 12 weeks to book her ideas up. I’m getting in shape and I expect more reciprocal responses when I initiate. Don’t threaten me was the response.
Let’s see what the next 12 weeks bring. A sixpack for sure!
Uh. @BigDaddyNY That link isn't a survey. It's just an assertion with no cited source.
But I believe that is based on a Quora question, not an actual survey. If you think TAM is an unreliable source due to self-selection, then Quora is just as bad.
In fact 86% is a patently ludicrous number if you think about it for more than half a second. A marital happiness rate could never be above a divorce rate. By definition those were not happy marriages. Then the soon-to-be-divorced marriages are certainly not happy either. And of course there are those who are unhappy but have chosen to remain married for various reasons -- like the OP's topic here.
But I believe that is based on a Quora question, not an actual survey. If you think TAM is an unreliable source due to self-selection, then Quora is just as bad.
In fact 86% is a patently ludicrous number if you think about it for more than half a second. A marital happiness rate could never be above a divorce rate. By definition those were not happy marriages. Then the soon-to-be-divorced marriages are certainly not happy either. And of course there are those who are unhappy but have chosen to remain married for various reasons -- like the OP's topic here.
I think the 86% is out there too. My point was that you can find almost any study, article or whatever, on the internet that will support your point of view, so take them all with a grain of salt.Uh. @BigDaddyNY That link isn't a survey. It's just an assertion with no cited source.
But I believe that is based on a Quora question, not an actual survey. If you think TAM is an unreliable source due to self-selection, then Quora is just as bad.
In fact 86% is a patently ludicrous number if you think about it for more than half a second. A marital happiness rate could never be above a divorce rate. By definition those were not happy marriages. Then the soon-to-be-divorced marriages are certainly not happy either. And of course there are those who are unhappy but have chosen to remain married for various reasons -- like the OP's topic here.
Let's also not forget, that there's also a whole bunch of men (#not all), who loathe the idea of splitting assets and or having to contribute to child support etc. That some (#not all), will suck up a sexless marriage, to avoid having to pull the divorce trigger.
I've seen it all including having friends, including a very close friend, take themselves out.Knock yourself out with your fun.
Thinking you can control another person in such a way that they will love you unconditionally and never even think about leaving you is a delusion.
Your feelings might not change in the next 50 years or whatever, but you never know what a person is capable of doing.
Sure you can have a say in getting married. That part's easy. Some meaningless vows, some flowers, a cake..
Divorce? When it happens- more than 50% of the time, it's not so easy, quite often you don't get much of a say in how it goes down and it takes lawyers and judges and a whole lot of time and money to get it sorted.
I don't smoke unicorn farts. I'm brutally and unfortunately grounded in reality.
I had three friends get divorced last year due to their wives cheating.
I know first hand how bad it is and has been for decades.
I also, as an aside, wouldn't have married any of the women my friends did. Two of them were hot, one was just a b1tch and I didn't get good sexual integrity vibes from any.
I have one friend who is still married (obviously not a good percentage) and I believe his wife is a good woman who is worth marriage.
I'm also with a good woman obviously.
If you mean that those men feel financially trapped in their marriage, so do what they can to make the best of their situation then sure.Let's also not forget, that there's also a whole bunch of men (#not all), who loathe the idea of splitting assets and or having to contribute to child support etc. That some (#not all), will suck up a sexless marriage, to avoid having to pull the divorce trigger.
If you mean those losers just stick around because they don't want to pay up then we're back to shaming men, and that IMHO is a pile of BS.
I couldn't care less about the money, although it would have been financially harder, putting the kids at disadvantage too. The reason I stayed was not to see another man raising my children. I have succeeded, now I can do my own thing.Let's also not forget, that there's also a whole bunch of men (#not all), who loathe the idea of splitting assets and or having to contribute to child support etc. That some (#not all), will suck up a sexless marriage, to avoid having to pull the divorce trigger.
#notallmenI couldn't care less about the money
I've said/asked this before. As a non sexual person, why did you believe she would be able to rope in a husband #2?I couldn't care less about the money, although it would have been financially harder, putting the kids at disadvantage too. The reason I stayed was not to see another man raising my children. I have succeeded, now I can do my own thing.
Whadda you got against tall men?#notallmen
Some of us men who are divorced are actually better off financially. It all depends on how hard you’re willing to fight, how good your lawyer is, how fair the judge is and how crazy the mother of your children is. A lot of things have to fall into place for a dad getting divorced.Let's also not forget, that there's also a whole bunch of men (#not all), who loathe the idea of splitting assets and or having to contribute to child support etc. That some (#not all), will suck up a sexless marriage, to avoid having to pull the divorce trigger.
She bait 'n switched once, right?I've said/asked this before. As a non sexual person, why did you believe she would be able to rope in a husband #2?
Assuming there is at least adequate sex before and early in marriage, when it declines a lot there is - at first - hope and optimism that things will return to the previous "normal." When it doesn't, optimism dies first. Eventually hope also dies. After that there can be many reasons for staying, including fear of not doing better if you leave, fear of poverty if you don't have enough income after potentially paying alimony/child support, or even fear of how others will perceive you.
I avoid unreasonable goals that many or even most never obtain. Chasing them sounds like a wasted life.The goal is to stay true to those vows until death. Everyone doesn't make it to that goal, but we all try. Do you avoid everything where the goal is difficult? That sounds like an unfulfilled life.
I've found always being a married man staying an independent agent, confident in being financially solid, physically strong, healthy, and emotionally able to adapt immediately to multiple potential changing circumstances keeps ones mind, body and future outlook on life in a great and positive state.Assuming there is at least adequate sex before and early in marriage, when it declines a lot there is - at first - hope and optimism that things will return to the previous "normal." When it doesn't, optimism dies first. Eventually hope also dies. After that there can be many reasons for staying, including fear of not doing better if you leave, fear of poverty if you don't have enough income after potentially paying alimony/child support, or even fear of how others will perceive you.
One is a better H for it, and a better man, not ever living in fear of change if he either decides change is needed or change is thrust upon him.
He knows he's good should he have to take any of a variety of actions and can act immediately if needed because his resources stay in perpetual readiness.
I think there is something to the idea of being in a position of being able to kick the woman to the curb, without trying to control her, that helps keep the marriage stable.I've found always being a married man staying an independent agent, confident in being financially solid, physically strong, healthy, and emotionally able to adapt immediately to multiple potential changing circumstances keeps ones mind, body and future outlook on life in a great and positive state.
One is a better H for it, and a better man, not ever living in fear of change if he either decides change is needed or change is thrust upon him.
He knows he's good should he have to take any of a variety of actions and can act immediately if needed because his resources stay in perpetual readiness.
That's the condensed version, yes, the best part is within the relationship one keeps the knowledge one is in that relationship by choice, not lack of choices. It keeps things solid. I honestly foster that same in dear W because I want her to have that same feeling of being present because she wants to be, not because she feels she has to be.I think there is something to the idea of being in a position of being able to kick the woman to the curb, without trying to control her, that helps keep the marriage stable.
As long as you're cool with paying for another man to raise your kids, you do you.That's the condensed version, yes, the best part is within the relationship one keeps the knowledge one is in that relationship by choice, not lack of choices. It keeps things solid. I honestly foster that same in dear W because I want her to have that same feeling of being present because she wants to be, not because she feels she has to be.
121 - 140 of 193 Posts
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