NO criticism taken, I always love reading your perspective!!People do things for a variety of reasons, some make no sense(TO US)....That's the key...
I know a few guys that have wives they don't particularly care for, never have sex with, but get what they want out on the street...It may not even be sexual...Heck, I have had more than one admin assistant/office manager work for me that treated me awesome and who I would consider very close......Like a lot of guys they spend a lot, of time at work, and would see and interact with these women more ways than their wives...If you are a typical guy that is spending 10-14 hrs a day with a woman who (may or may not sexually) meets "your emotional needs" then that takes a lot of the misery out of it, I guess...
Maybe the reasons you aren't getting all of it(and this isn't a criticism, btw), is that you are approaching this from the mind of a woman...I didn't create this idea, but it's often said that men have a mastery of compartmentalization...In these cases, if you are good at compartmentalizing these aspects of your life, then what may seem unbearable from those on the outside is just fine for the guy that has it figured all out...
Why would a man accept a marriage then accept no sex from W?
Why in the world would a guy accept no sex for weeks, months, years in a new M, or even later in a ltr M?
I truly would like to here more on this, because I cannot for the life of me understand a guy that has a good W but she's always got an excuse for no sex, which makes her a not good W.
Part two I suppose; what makes in even conceivable to a W to believe that H will be happy and ACCEPT there's no sex?
I truly would like to here more on this, because I cannot for the life of me understand a guy that has a good W but she's always got an excuse for no sex, which makes her a not good W.
Part two I suppose; what makes in even conceivable to a W to believe that H will be happy and ACCEPT there's no sex?
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You want all that, just get a sugar baby and move your money to the Isle of Man.For good company, sharing resources, lots of fun, and for always having a stupendous amount of splendid, varied and frequent shared sex together. Amongst the usual tax and other benefits.
Why get married? To provide a stable platform on which to raise your children. Nothing more, nothing less. Anything else is Disney fairy-tale garbage. Our grandparents knew that. And theirs before them.
I guess I'm living in that fairytale then.You want all that, just get a sugar baby and move your money to the Isle of Man.
Why get married? To provide a stable platform on which to raise your children. Nothing more, nothing less. Anything else is Disney fairy-tale garbage. Our grandparents knew that. And theirs before them.
Nope, not a "sucks to be them" sentiment at all. It's a "whether good or bad, we are responsible for the choices and decisions we make in this life and have to live with them", sentiment. And, word it however you like, but we're not living in the 1950's anymore where women had little agency and no choices, no options and no help to get out of DV situations. The choice to stay or leave is their decision to make, and in their hands. Help and support for victims of violence is readily available for those who need it and I would hope they'd utilize it, be they a man or woman.Yeah. You said it was sad and unfair, then went on to say they volunteered for it. Not so much empathy, as a "sucks to be them" sentiment.
I wonder would you say the same to a person in a DV situation? I mean once they know they are faced with DV, are they no longer victims, but volunteers in the violence? Is that then their choice?
I’ve been married for over 22 years to my splendid wife and I have enjoyed all of that throughout my marriage. That said my marital sex life is too hardcore for the likes of Disney, yet it is certainly fun.You want all that, just get a sugar baby and move your money to the Isle of Man.
The great thing about notions like this is how easy they are to refute.Why get married? To provide a stable platform on which to raise your children. Nothing more, nothing less.
Yes. It is a choice. But to dismiss it at that point is to ignore the many complexities that go into that choice. That is what I am saying is a complete lack of empathy for their situation. Instead, as in this thread, they are faced with dismissiveness at best, or belittling insults or worse.Nope, not a "sucks to be them" sentiment at all. It's a "whether good or bad, we are responsible for the choices and decisions we make in this life and have to live with them", sentiment. And, word it however you like, but we're not living in the 1950's anymore where women had little agency and no choices, no options and no help to get out of DV situations. The choice to stay or leave is their decision to make, and in their hands. Help and support for victims of violence is readily available for those who need it and I would hope they'd utilize it, be they a man or woman.
You can see from the stories of men who found themselves in that situation in this thread some of the struggles. How it is often a slow slide. How by the time they find themselves in a sexless marriage they are at a point in the marriage where simply leaving is not easy, or sometimes even wise. How with the complaining, they search for ways to fix what they perceive as a problem. How the search for a fix isn't a matter of weeks, or months, but often years. Sometimes it works and things improve for a time. Sometimes they don't. But always, the other concerns are hanging over his head. His obligations, duties, responsibilities to his household, to his children. I don't know about you, but there isn't much I wouldn't do to protect my kids. There are a whole lot of crap sandwiches that are better than leaving them fatherless part time -- Fatherless part time at best.
Marriage didn't provide the benefit of a house- the hardworking breadwinner- most often the guy- purchased the house out of the proceeds of his hard work!Apparently it does, or men wouldn't be complaining about the loss of their lifestyle if they were to divorce. I guess some men prefer to live in a house rather than rent a studio apartment.
And the man is the one most likely to lose the house in divorce because wifey gets to stay there with the kids since she will likely be awarded primary physical custody..
If he never got married in the first place he'd have the house all to himself.
As another poster said- when you get married you bet against the house. Sure, sometimes the wheels line up and you get the big payoff and live happily ever after. But the odds are against that happening. Way too much downside, too much risk, not enough to gain. So what you get some tax benefits. That's sort of like the ante to the big bet that you're probably going to lose.
With domestic partnerships recognized in most states you can have most of the benefits of marriage without the risk.
Good for you. I was married for 27.I’ve been married for over 22 years to my splendid wife and I have enjoyed all of that throughout my marriage. That said my marital sex life is too hardcore for the likes of Disney, yet it is certainly fun.
You don't actually have to be married to share rent or a mortgage.Married people share one martgage or one rent.
It can be a business arrangement.You don't actually have to be married to share rent or a mortgage.
Knock yourself out with your fun.I'm going to start having fun with you guys that talk like this and believe you can't have a say in your life regarding marriage.😉
Thinking you can control another person in such a way that they will love you unconditionally and never even think about leaving you is a delusion.
Your feelings might not change in the next 50 years or whatever, but you never know what a person is capable of doing.
Sure you can have a say in getting married. That part's easy. Some meaningless vows, some flowers, a cake..
Divorce? When it happens- more than 50% of the time, it's not so easy, quite often you don't get much of a say in how it goes down and it takes lawyers and judges and a whole lot of time and money to get it sorted.
Sure, except there are only about 2 of them.Absolutely. It's been proved that men who are married generally are happier, healthier and live longer than men who are not. Clearly many men don't see marriage as a prison sentence.
The rest are divorced or worse yet stuck in bad marriages and are in worse shape than single guys who never got married in the first place.
I think I've identified your problem. If you want unconditional love, get a dog. Even then, the dog will expect to be fed and petted. Sorry, Peter Pan.Thinking you can control another person in such a way that they will love you unconditionally and never even think about leaving you is a delusion.
That's exactly what I went through. The slow boiling frog thing of not feeling loved through sex enough for a long while, but dealing with it, because integrity. Then my ex became completely unable to have sex for medical reasons. I'd suggest other things but got turned down, and figured it would be depressing anyway. I just accepted this was now my lot in life, because my vows were for life, good health and bad, etc, and I certainly wasn't going to explode my children's family just because my ex medically couldn't have sex anymore. I thought we were great in all other aspects, the two of us against the world, and was still deeply in love. It was a sacrifice I made voluntarily.this is the one thing that kind of nags me in the recesses of my mind. If I EVER discover that there was cheating during the extreme low periods of sex in my marriage… I will absolutely lose my crap. Scorched earth. No R. No contact other than kid handoffs.
UpsideDownworld, I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It is hard enough to deal with the trauma of one really bad thing in a marriage, but to slap infidelity on top of a multi-year dead bedroom? That is insult to injury.
Then one day I figured out that my ex had been cheating on me for over a year of that 'dead bedroom.' The 'medical reasons' had been a temporary thing, long since passed but still being used as a convenient ongoing excuse to put me off. Now we're divorced. I'll admit I did try reconciliation for a bit, due mainly to some hysterical bonding, but couldn't get over the ongoing lies and the discovery that most of the marriage had been lies.
would
Absolutely NOT! This man feels the same. I will stand with my wife until h3ll freezes over. In sickness and in health, You were honorable to honor your commitment.I spent over a decade like that, I thought everything else was good. I was trying to honor my commitment, "for better of worse".
After all, do you abandon a spouse after being in an accident and can't perform anymore? Maybe some men feel the same.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never bought the nonsensical idea of unconditional love. While I also don’t presume I can control others nor care to either.Knock yourself out with your fun.
Thinking you can control another person in such a way that they will love you unconditionally and never even think about leaving you is a delusion.
Your feelings might not change in the next 50 years or whatever, but you never know what a person is capable of doing.
As for myself having been divorced in one instance, I know the world certainly won’t come to an end if I get divorced again.
It’s okay if people’s feelings change, that’s just part of being human. I still have fond memories of past sexual relationships, including my first marriage, Yet all such relationships come to an end, and that’s also okay as well.
That said sharing sex matters to me more than it does to some others (like the men who stay in sexless marriages). So if my wife turns her shared sex with me tap off (which is entirely up to her), I will have no qualms in seeking other sexual partners to try to satisfy my sexual appetite. And that’s okay as well.
You missed the part where I said expecting unconditional love from another person is a delusion.I think I've identified your problem. If you want unconditional love, get a dog.
Me neither. But it seems that's exactly what the parties are expecting when they exchange their meaningless vows that are broken more often than not. You know, the ones that say love each other "til death do them part", no matter what happens- until it actually happens.I don’t know about you, but I’ve never bought the nonsensical idea of unconditional love.
"Marriage is the deepest level of commitment!" all they proponents say. Until one or both want out, then it isn't anymore. Some exchange "life long" vows over and over again and each time they marry, "This is the one!".
Sure it is..
I’d say about 20% of TAMers are happy in their marriages. 80% are miserable and are white knuckling it. In line with the statistics of the overall population. Cooper wrote in his book that a survey found that only about 12% of the married population were in marital bliss. 88% are divorced or unhappy or meh. House odds? Not a chance. The casino has only a 54/47 house advantage in blackjack. The marital game is rigged that almost nobody wins….until divorce.
101 - 120 of 193 Posts
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