Talk About Marriage banner
181 - 193 of 193 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
In my case it was a bit of a boiling frog situation and overdosing on hopium.

Dating and first year of marriage (5-6 years) sex was 3-9 times a week when we were living together.

A year after marriage she wasn't as receptive and affectionate but we were still having sex a couple times a week.

After the first was born she had internal scarring so sex wasn't always comfortable and she was tired a lot so we were down to once a week.

After the second was born, I had just come back from a deployment and some of the scarring had been cleaned up by the doctor during the birth so we had a burst up to a couple times a week again. This lasted maybe 6 months or so.

Once the youngest was mobile she was almost always "too exhausted". I tried to remedy this by doing more. Basically from the time I got home from work until after they went to bed I was hard at it. It was "enough" sometimes but honestly not that often. We were having sex a couple times a month for a while. This gradually went down to Ovulation Day Sex (TM). I knew with great accuracy which day of the month she was likely to be in the mood and there was a chance of sex.

This was when the hopium started kicking in. Once the kids are more self sufficient, it will be better. Once the kids are in school, things will be better. Once I can work from home, things will be better. Once she's out of school, things will be better. Once she finds the job she wants, things will be better. For the last 5 years of the marriage a steady diet of hopium kept me in a sex 10 times a year relationship. Now I have a girlfriend and its finally better :ROFLMAO: .
Just remember, once you marry that new girl, that chances of you falling back into the same scenario is very high and there is a reason for that and it is not what most would think,,,,,
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
753 Posts
Just remember, once you marry that new girl, that chances of you falling back into the same scenario is very high and there is a reason for that and it is not what most would think,,,,,
If the same scenario takes just as long I'll be almost 70 and probably won't care quite as much... :LOL:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,694 Posts
If the same scenario takes just as long I'll be almost 70 and probably won't care quite as much... :LOL:
As long as she still touches your weenie when changing your Depends, it will be as if you had sex.
You'll still smile and gurgle and spit up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,694 Posts

Absolutely. It's been proved that men who are married generally are happier, healthier and live longer than men who are not. Clearly many men don't see marriage as a prison sentence.
That's because the wives won't let us have any fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,375 Posts
Why in the world would a guy accept no sex for weeks, months, years in a new M, or even later in a ltr M?
I came across an article written by a woman with a severe case of vaginismus. She married a virgin but later underwent medical procedures to overcome her issue. Once she was able to have sex she faced an unexpected dilemma. The fact her husband did not pressure her for sex had grown into what she needed to feel loved. They enjoyed teasing each other with the notion of actually having sex would be like, which likely created a lot of sparks. After trying first with toys she decided that what she already had was more enjoyable and she asked her husband if he would be willing to remain a virgin indefinitely. He agreed.

Now the two of them shared A LOT of physical intimacy that resulted in powerful and regular orgasms for both on a regular basis. Just no traditional penis in vagina sex, which is what most people hold as the standard needed to loose one's virginity.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,861 Posts
I came across an article written by a woman with a severe case of vaginismus. She married a virgin but later underwent medical procedures to overcome her issue. Once she was able to have sex she faced an unexpected dilemma. The fact her husband did not pressure her for sex had grown into what she needed to feel loved. They enjoyed teasing each other with the notion of actually having sex would be like, which likely created a lot of sparks. After trying first with toys she decided that what she already had was more enjoyable and she asked her husband if he would be willing to remain a virgin indefinitely. He agreed.

Now the two of them shared A LOT of physical intimacy that resulted in powerful and regular orgasms for both on a regular basis. Just no traditional penis in vagina sex, which is what most people hold as the standard needed to loose one's virginity.
Is this like one of those case where the girl will only have anal sex because she is saving her virginity for marriage? ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,974 Posts
Just remember, once you marry that new girl, that chances of you falling back into the same scenario is very high and there is a reason for that and it is not what most would think,,,,,
i can think of a number of reasons:
1) you choose poorly, and keep gravitating towards the sort of woman who will shut you down sexually
2) you do not demand sex in the marriage. the first two weeks of her denying you sex SHOULD have resulted in you offering to pack her bags and showing her the door unless she straightened up and flew right. Some people here start off complaining "i have not had sex for 7 years..." I could not fathom it going that long without serious fights!
3) you keep finding women based on superficial traits, instead of finding one where you have multiple things in common...so it is not just sex that keeps you together, but where sex is just one of five or so things you enjoy doing together.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,974 Posts
Is this like one of those case where the girl will only have anal sex because she is saving her virginity for marriage? ;)
anal sex can be a valid substitute.
If BJs and hand jobs are also involved, throwing in anal sex would be acceptable--assuming there was a valid medical reason why PIV sex was not going to happen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,375 Posts
Is this like one of those case where the girl will only have anal sex because she is saving her virginity for marriage? ;)
According to what I read...

No in this case there was a history of trauma that correlated to the vaginismus. She was not a virgin and made no false claims to her husband, but she was very clear to him about the trauma and her struggles with vaginismus. In everything written she described certain kinks she and her husband had developed sexually which resulted in a lot of fun and excitement for the two of them. Essentially they could both express themselves sexually put PIV was off limits and determined that the marriage was better if kept that way.

Based on what was written the husband fully agreed to this because he feared that A) PIV would be painful for his wife and B) that he would not be able to enjoy something that caused her pain. So we are talking trauma here and a husband that wants his wife to be able to enjoy intimacy in ways that work around that trauma. I honestly think they were very happy with what they worked out and how they would play together. So this is an example of a husband that got married and is happily doing so without ever getting to experience PIV with his wife.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
63 Posts
The acceptance of no sex has me baffled too. If I go more than a week with no sex I turn into a whiny, *****y, pain in the ass. I can't stand to be around myself, so I'm sure my wife would grow tired of it rather quickly. I can relieve that to some degree with masturbation, but in my mind that isn't how marriage is supposed to work. At its core a marriage is a sexual relationship, at least in my mind.

I think it happens because many men are afraid to talk about it and most certainly afraid to do anything about it. I truly believe that the men with no sex are weak. Not necessarily physically weak, but mentally and emotionally weak. Lacking confidence maybe? This comes from a combination of societal pressures and the stupid **** love makes us do and put up with. So you get a double whammy. The men aren't willing to stand up for themselves which in turn makes them less desirable and attractive to their spouse.

For women, I think it is a combination of not being turned on by that weak man and selfishness. Attraction and desire are in large part mental, so I believe a woman has the ability to allow herself to be turned on by their husband, if they really want to. This is one of many things I absolutely love about my wife. She genuinely cares about all of my needs, including intimacy and sex. I give her everything I've got in all aspects of our marriage and she does the same. Upon reflection there are times where I know she wasn't really all that interested in sex, but she allowed me the opportunity to get her turned on. The result is great sex even when she probably could have lived without it, but she knows it is important to me and to the marriage and she will be fully engaged in it, no "starfish sex". I see it as a very selfless act and those selfless acts are the foundation of a great marriage.
So if she has fly? Or is struggling with mental. Or any other medical conditions you are going. Also sounds like you pressure her into sex. Maybe she has some stuff going and stress levels are high. You sound like you don’t care about her just your genitals.
 
181 - 193 of 193 Posts
Top