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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why in the world would a guy accept no sex for weeks, months, years in a new M, or even later in a ltr M?

I truly would like to here more on this, because I cannot for the life of me understand a guy that has a good W but she's always got an excuse for no sex, which makes her a not good W.

Part two I suppose; what makes in even conceivable to a W to believe that H will be happy and ACCEPT there's no sex?
 

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Maybe it’s because deep down, they really aren’t into sex much if at all.
This is an interesting thought. I always perceived it as a lack of will to get what they need.

I'm wondering if there isn't something to this in at least some of the men.

It's thought provoking at least.
 

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The acceptance of no sex has me baffled too. If I go more than a week with no sex I turn into a whiny, *****y, pain in the ass. I can't stand to be around myself, so I'm sure my wife would grow tired of it rather quickly. I can relieve that to some degree with masturbation, but in my mind that isn't how marriage is supposed to work. At its core a marriage is a sexual relationship, at least in my mind.

I think it happens because many men are afraid to talk about it and most certainly afraid to do anything about it. I truly believe that the men with no sex are weak. Not necessarily physically weak, but mentally and emotionally weak. Lacking confidence maybe? This comes from a combination of societal pressures and the stupid **** love makes us do and put up with. So you get a double whammy. The men aren't willing to stand up for themselves which in turn makes them less desirable and attractive to their spouse.

For women, I think it is a combination of not being turned on by that weak man and selfishness. Attraction and desire are in large part mental, so I believe a woman has the ability to allow herself to be turned on by their husband, if they really want to. This is one of many things I absolutely love about my wife. She genuinely cares about all of my needs, including intimacy and sex. I give her everything I've got in all aspects of our marriage and she does the same. Upon reflection there are times where I know she wasn't really all that interested in sex, but she allowed me the opportunity to get her turned on. The result is great sex even when she probably could have lived without it, but she knows it is important to me and to the marriage and she will be fully engaged in it, no "starfish sex". I see it as a very selfless act and those selfless acts are the foundation of a great marriage.
 

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I guess for some men it's difficult to give up your servant/housekeeper and go back to mummy. No sex? Well, not great, but at least I don't have to wash my socks and pants...

For others, sex stops after the kids, when you are trapped. So you accept no sex to keep the family together and also avoid financial ruin.
 

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Maybe it’s because deep down, they really aren’t into sex much if at all.
I'm sure there are men that don't have much interest in sex, but that is typically what attracts you to someone in the first place. That tells me they were at least somewhat into sex at some point.

I think it is fear. Fear of not performing well, fear of rejection, etc. As time goes by and sex becomes more and more infrequent it gets even harder to restart and the fears compound.
 

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You are all wrong.
The question is wrong.
Whenever you see a situation that doesn't match your perception of life. You automatically go to because he is simply ****ed up. That's not even trying to understand.
If we want to talk about sexual dysfunction you have to start with the person who selects for it.
Not with the person who is driven into it.
A problem with that is that (and I'm truly coming to believe this) sometimes both parties are driven into it.
 

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You are all wrong.
The question is wrong.
Whenever you see a situation that doesn't match your perception of life. You automatically go to because he is simply ****ed up. That's not even trying to understand.
If we want to talk about sexual dysfunction you have to start with the person who selects for it.
Not with the person who is driven into it.
A problem with that is that (and I'm truly coming to believe this) sometimes both parties are driven into it.
I would really like to understand your perspective on this, but I just don’t. 😬

Would you explain more of what you mean?
 

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You are all wrong.
The question is wrong.
Whenever you see a situation that doesn't match your perception of life. You automatically go to because he is simply ****ed up. That's not even trying to understand.
If we want to talk about sexual dysfunction you have to start with the person who selects for it.
Not with the person who is driven into it.
A problem with that is that (and I'm truly coming to believe this) sometimes both parties are driven into it.
A person who chooses to remain in a sexually unfulfilling marriage is selecting for it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
My guess is they value what else the wife provides. Security, sense of belonging, housekeeper, social life, whatever. There are a lot of men who have never been on their own and don't know how to navigate life on their own.
That's why I've always said a guy has to be living on his own and self sustaining before harboring even the thought of being able to be good H to a woman. That includes mentally, emotionally as well financially mature enough.
 

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A person who chooses to remain in a sexually unfulfilling marriage is selecting for it.
Aren't there a few posters right on this board who are choosing to live that dream? Some don't post often, however.
 

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You are all wrong.
The question is wrong.
Whenever you see a situation that doesn't match your perception of life. You automatically go to because he is simply ****ed up. That's not even trying to understand.
If we want to talk about sexual dysfunction you have to start with the person who selects for it.
Not with the person who is driven into it.
A problem with that is that (and I'm truly coming to believe this) sometimes both parties are driven into it.
I am not sure what you are saying here, you are much too vague.

Of course this is a more complicated issue than just, "he's effed up", but your response is confusing.
 
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