I hear ya'. Many times, most women may think that you're either insensitive, a bad lover, communicator, or all of the above. However, in today's society, there are many women who are as cold, calculating, and cruel, as the stereotypical male chauvinist pig. I know, from experience. I married a sweet young gal (or at least I thought so). She expressed how she thought that I was too good for her, that someday I'd leave her for someone else, etc. I ALWAYS expressed how that was not the case, did whatever I could to ease her hear, reminding her often that I loved her in word and deed, that is was for life, and that I'd always be faithful. I took and take interest in what she enjoys doing, although thing that she said she loved while dating, she rarely partakes in these days, no matter how well the red carpet is rolled out.
For the first few years, things were great, both in and out of the bedroom. Then, while I was away for training, she started running around. And no, I'm NOT the suspicious or jealous type. I heard about her activities through friends (usually hers), acquaintances, and friends of both of our families. For years, she denied it over and over, saying how others were trying to break us up. For too long, I took her word, until it was too obvious that she was in fact lying, and had gotten caught in these lies repeatedly. At this point we had a young son, she had the opportunity to advance her career, and she considered moving away from us for a couple years. I tried to make it work, even falling on the career sword, Mr. Momming it for a few years, so that she could attain her dream jobs and advance.
Why did I do that. Well, I still loved her, loved our child and married for better or worse, and was trying to make things work. Years passed, she went back and forth between acting like a wife, to running around, and everything in between. After 13 years of marriage, she moved out, pursuing one of her relationships. During our time together, I was propositioned often, but NEVER gave in to temptation, despite our troubles. Even after she left (of which, we had no sexual relations what so ever, for the year prior to her leaving, in fact, we slept in separate rooms), I didn't respond to other women's advances until six months after she left, just to see if she'd reconsider. And yes, prior to her leaving, I asked for her to go to marriage counseling, anyone of her choosing, or I could arrange something, but she refused. For the next several years, I myself had three relationships with women who had one thing in common, they failed to tell the truth about their relationship status, among other things. All three claimed to be divorced, for years. It turned out, they all were married, even if two were separated. I don't enjoy being lied to, since I'd endured years of that. In the first relationship, I twice gave the woman the opportunity to make things right, to not lie to me, and we could move forward. However, she continued in her deceptive, manipulative ways, and I ended the relationship. The next two relationships went much the same. Ironically, all begged me to stay, and that they'd leave their spouses if I'd marry them. Again, unwilling to continue with any relationship based upon lies, I declined.
So, after those experiences, and after making some repairs at my wife's place at her request (and yes, we were completely separated during those three years, and I was completely up front about that), I told her that I was no longer willing to live in limbo. I again asked her for a divorce (she'd refused in the past). This time, she kissed me deeply, said she'd be willing to go to counseling, and see where that takes us. I agreed, and we went to marriage counseling for about a year. The counselor expressed that my wife had deep issues, but that to my surprise, that I did not need counseling, other than to help with any pain if I'd liked, but that I was dealing with it well, go figure.
After six months, we'd gotten back together, and it's now been another 7 years since then. When we first got back together, my wife was a nympho. Don't get me wrong, I was not complaining, since "yes please" is my response to most anything sexual. I actually enjoy giving as much as receiving, whether it be back rubs or what have you. Things were alright for a few years, but yep, you guessed it, she's back to her old ways. I should mention, yes, she is an alcoholic that does get abusive verbally and physically while drunk. And no, despite her having struck me several times in the past, I have NEVER raised a hand to her, or abused her in any way. I'm a former athlete that can more than hold his own with anyone.
I know, I'm rambling, sorry. Today, we're at a point where we have sex maybe once or twice per month, if that. She has her ground rules, that's for sure. Years ago, and up until about 5 years ago, things were good from time to time. She used to enjoy getting frisky almost anytime, especially after a few drinks. Now, she only wants to have sex in the morning, she doesn't allow me to touch her breasts or vagina (unless she's drunk). She almost never kisses me (and no, I don't have bad breath or hygiene, quite the opposite), and she almost always wants to have sex in a certain way, with very little variety, and doesn't allow for spontaneity. And yes, I've expressed how I understand how things can change, and that all I want to do it please, satisfy, and love her, and am willing to learn whatever she likes. The ironic part is that again, she only wants sex in the morning, as she says that it wakes her up. However, I'm often awoken by her masturbating at night. When I turn to her, she quickly turns over and expresses that she's trying to sleep. After several occurrences, I nicely told her that she was touching herself and that it had awoken me. Not that I'm complaining, rather, I'd love to join in, in any way she preferred. She said that I must have been dreaming. I told her to smell her fingers, to which she said, "Oh, never mind, I guess I was, but it was in my sleep, I wasn't conscious of it". Believe me, she is not sleeping when she does this, she is very much awake. She simply has trouble with things such as honesty, and that's tough to deal with.
She professes that she loves me, doesn't deserve me, says I'd hate her if she ever came clean with me, and thanks me for not telling our older children (young adults), how she has been over the years. She basically says that she likes our relationship the way it is, and why can't I just accept it? I'll admit, it's tough swallowing your pride, controlling your temper, as well as quelling your urges (and yes, without masterbating 99 out of 100 times, I do try to lead a moral life). However, like you, after decades of this, it becomes a grind, especially knowing that there are women out there who are unbelievable in the bedroom, even if they aren't very truthful either. Yes, I get occasional emails from other women, who, although they've moved on, even marrying, still reach out to me, wanting to get back together, and I have NEVER given in, other to say that although flattered, I wish them well. And yes, I told my wife about their contacting me. She thanked me for doing so, but says she trusts me, and that I needn't tell her in the future, as she knows that I'll do the right thing.
Bottom line, liars and cheaters exist within both sexes. It's really difficult when you feel that you're more than willing to give, take, and be up front, honest, yet sensitive in a relationship, only to be treated rather cruelly, whether it be verbal, emotional, physical (or lack thereof), even spiritually. Again, I married for better or worse, and have gotten much of the later, along with some of the former. Now, I understand why some very good men and women stray, as well as why porn and prostitution thrive. Yes, I've viewed the former at times, but VERY infrequently, having almost forgotten what a vagina even looks like, and NEVER the latter. I try to treat her as I'd like to be treated, hope and pray, that things improve, til death do us part. And yes, at times, I look at death as a welcome event, although in due time, according to God's plan. So, from this brotha' from anotha' motha', Bro', I feel your pain, I really do. Take care, and God Bless.
