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It also means that you don't have to look your best whenever you two are together.
Maybe a better way of "looking" at this is that your partner is seeing the long view, your track record, and you don't have to be on guard every moment? I believe our partners do deserve our very best, and that it's wonderful they can look past a lesser effort when they know we've been beaten down. But we should still be trying.
I guess I do not believe in love for the rest of my life anymore.
Do you think it took a marriage that failed (that sounds bad, but how else to put it?) to get to that place? Did the concept of marriage create an unrealistic or unmet expecation?
I do not think non-married relationship is neccessary weaker. It means that once married people will stay in not satisfying relationship because divorce is big pain.
Is it also possible that it's generally easier for previously-married people to divorce because, in many (most?) cases, there are no longer biologically-shared kids involved?
 

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Well, I would say that you are definitely a romantic. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t find what you want. I hope that you do.

I don’t know that I ever was a romantic but now I’m sure I’m not. One very long and dysfunctional marriage was enough for me. I just don’t see that the positives outweigh the negatives at this point.
I cant understand why one bad experience puts people off doing it again.
 

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Too many people believe in . . . . seem to need . . . just obstinately insist on a new biologically shared child. Hell of a thing to do to an innocent kid.
 

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Maybe a better way of "looking" at this is that your partner is seeing the long view, your track record, and you don't have to be on guard every moment? I believe our partners do deserve our very best, and that it's wonderful they can look past a lesser effort when they know we've been beaten down. But we should still be trying.
there is the promise of "through sickness and good health."

people (like my family) tell me I'm lucky to have met someone just as I start cancer treatments and still wants to marry. Those were the early days. these I'm bald and have had some problems controlling my bowels. diarrhea is one of the main side effects of cancer drugs.

How many of you guys would have hung in there?
 

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Sickness hasn't actually been a problem. Sometimes it's easier to have something outside to focus your attention on. Someone who can face a challenge is valuable. Someone who will stick with you when things are good enough to afford a bit of straying is another thing altogether.
 

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@Casual Observer
it definitely took failed marriage plus looking around at other couples. Most of them are together because they either scared of divorce or financial consequences.
when you see couple that seems to enjoy each other, you usually learn they’ve been together just few years...
 

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I cant understand why one bad experience puts people off doing it again.
Because we’re all different. We don’t want the same things in life and that’s okay. My marriage was very long and very dysfunctional. I prefer the peace and quiet and, most of all, freedom that I have now. My life is finally my own for the first time and I have no interest in giving that up. We should choose what makes us happy. You prefer marriage. I don’t.
 

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Here's one of my problems, though...WHY take that vow again after breaking at least one of the exact same vows you made previously...?? It seems disingenuous to me, and FAKE. I told my mom before my second marriage, when she and my husband were trying to talk me into marrying him, that I would consider it if I could change the vows from "until death do us part", to, "until I don't feel like it anymore"...of course, we didn't, and I gave in, and yada yada yada...

I LOVE marriage - I'm made for commitment!! But if I can't keep my vows, I just don't see what the point to it is...I don't need money or insurance...I'd be happy living in a tent by the ocean (or anywhere!)!

How do people who have been divorced find the faith IN THEMSELVES for marriage again...?
I see it the same way, especially when people divorce just because one is tired of the person and there are no big issues. They stood looking gaga once saying “til death do us part,” so what is so special about the second time? Sure, it may turn out great, but the vows seems kinda pointless
 
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Discussion Starter #71
I see it the same way, especially when people divorce just because one is tired of the person and there are no big issues. They stood looking gaga once saying “til death do us part,” so what is so special about the second time? Sure, it may turn out great, but the vows seems kinda pointless
Right...like at what point do I just admit to myself - I'm a big fat liar...?
 

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I cant understand why one bad experience puts people off doing it again.
That's making the assumption that everyone desires a relationship and wants the married life. I don't think everyone is cut out for marriage, and I think being married and divorced sometimes proves to people that they don't care for that lifestyle; they discover that they enjoy the peace and tranquility of being alone and in charge of their own experiences. For some, the positives are not worth the work it takes to maintain a relationship. If that is not how a person is wired, I know it is something they will never understand.

I was around a group of guys lately, and they started sharing wife stories that all men have. As far as I know, all of them are content with their marriage, but they all shared a lot of the "you know how women are" stories. Their topics were on moods, money, home decoration, etc. I feel like they are content in their marriages, but there were still some typical frustrations that it helped to vent with each other and be able to say, "you know what I'm talking about."

I'm sitting there realizing that I don't have to endure any of that.
 

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Right...like at what point do I just admit to myself - I'm a big fat liar...?
Liar maybe, 'big fat' NOT at all, especially if you look anything like the lady in your avatar!

Actually, you are not a liar either.!!!. You have been mistreated, causing you to have your current feelings.

Sorry, I don't want you to feel bad about yourself.
 

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What if it's TWO bad experiences...??
That's where it starts getting into the territory of, what are you doing wrong. Starting, mind you. But if something negative always happens, then odds are it's not others.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk
 

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That's where it starts getting into the territory of, what are you doing wrong. Starting, mind you. But if something negative always happens, then odds are it's not others.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk
One more reason not to marry again
 

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Because we’re all different. We don’t want the same things in life and that’s okay. My marriage was very long and very dysfunctional. I prefer the peace and quiet and, most of all, freedom that I have now. My life is finally my own for the first time and I have no interest in giving that up. We should choose what makes us happy. You prefer marriage. I don’t.
My marriage too was long, 25 years and ended very suddenly and very traumatically. I feel free and relaxed in my marriage so maybe thats the difference. I am also an optimistic person who has hope, and realised that not all men are like my first husband.
 

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Or learn what you are doing wrong and correct it. That is what happened in my case.
Absolutely, and look for different things in the second spouse. I had very strict criteria for any man I was to marry, not with looks or money or surface things like that, but with integrity and character and strong moral values and honestly.
 
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