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Sorry to hear that.

Am I too much of a naive romatic?
Well, I would say that you are definitely a romantic. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t find what you want. I hope that you do.

I don’t know that I ever was a romantic but now I’m sure I’m not. One very long and dysfunctional marriage was enough for me. I just don’t see that the positives outweigh the negatives at this point.
 

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Well, I would say that you are definitely a romantic. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t find what you want. I hope that you do.

I don’t know that I ever was a romantic but now I’m sure I’m not. One very long and dysfunctional marriage was enough for me. I just don’t see that the positives outweigh the negatives at this point.
I just got that mene on facebook yesterday:
There are two types of women: those that still believe in love and those who already got themselves a cat...,
 

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Ok ok...so there are FINANCIAL benefits, I guess...but are there EMOTIONAL/relationship benefits to getting married again...??

NOT only commitment, but legal marriage. @Affaircare and @Emerging Buddhist beautifully explained some...are there any others...?
Well since I currently define my relationship as uncommitted marriage, I'm not really getting my emotional need for Security met. Also my emotional need for intimate conversation .. . . . . .
 

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There are two types of women: those that still believe in love and those who already got themselves a cat...
Amen to that! I have my third Cornish Rex cat ("Tater Tot")😺😸 and she gives me far more joy and laughter than any man ever did. Of course, having married two alcoholics, I can testify that my man-picker is broken anyway ...
 

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There is always the old adage 'Why buy the cow when the milk is free?' And no ladies, I'm not calling you cows! I think a lot of men feel that they don't need to marry anyone if the sex is easily obtained without commitment.
And sometimes it makes you a father whether you wanted to be or not.
 

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I marrried my now husband when we were both in our late 40's.We had both previously had long first marriages. Apart from our faith its because I greatly value marriage, I think its very important to make that committment before family and friends. Also I am not interested in living with a man who isnt committed enough to marry me. If he doesnt want to get married then we wouldnt live together. or even date. Marriage is far more than just a 'piece of paper', that is merely the legal proof that the marriage has taken place.
I also think that getting married sets a good example to my children and grandchildren. A man who cant be bothered to make a committment in marriage is very unnappealing to me. I would give him a wide berth.
 

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Well, I'm somewhat disqualified from commenting because of the religious notation on the OP.

I will say that I have only been married once and it will be until death do us part so I hope to not have this issue.

I honestly don't know if I would marry again if Mrs. C passed, may God forbid, but I do know I wouldn't be having sex until I was married again regardless.

I honestly don't know the motivation to be married outside of some religious belief in the first place if I'm being honest.
 

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Discussion Starter #53
Here's one of my problems, though...WHY take that vow again after breaking at least one of the exact same vows you made previously...?? It seems disingenuous to me, and FAKE. I told my mom before my second marriage, when she and my husband were trying to talk me into marrying him, that I would consider it if I could change the vows from "until death do us part", to, "until I don't feel like it anymore"...of course, we didn't, and I gave in, and yada yada yada...

I LOVE marriage - I'm made for commitment!! But if I can't keep my vows, I just don't see what the point to it is...I don't need money or insurance...I'd be happy living in a tent by the ocean (or anywhere!)!

How do people who have been divorced find the faith IN THEMSELVES for marriage again...?
 

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Discussion Starter #54
Well, I'm somewhat disqualified from commenting because of the religious notation on the OP.

I will say that I have only been married once and it will be until death do us part so I hope to not have this issue.

I honestly don't know if I would marry again if Mrs. C passed, may God forbid, but I do know I wouldn't be having sex until I was married again regardless.

I honestly don't know the motivation to be married outside of some religious belief in the first place if I'm being honest.
You're not disqualified! SEE...? I bolded the part that matters - it's your answer!! Thanks! :)
 

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Discussion Starter #55
Well since I currently define my relationship as uncommitted marriage, I'm not really getting my emotional need for Security met. Also my emotional need for intimate conversation .. . . . . .
Is this REAL...do you mean this - "uncommitted marriage"...? What is that?
 

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Is this REAL...do you mean this - "uncommitted marriage"...? What is that?
it is exactly why I don't recommend marriage. People change. Where there was love there is indifference. You have no idea when the axe is going to fall. And maintaining your partner's emotional needs is an inconvenience at best.
It's marriage with no agreement to do anything but stay married. I have no Idea what her motivation is. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to tell me.
There was a comment earlier about wanting to spend the rest of their lives together. That sounds so romantic. But the brutal honest truth is that 20 years is average, 30 years is rare, Most people CAN'T stay together that long. Most just cheat. I'm just weird.
 

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I asked my husband about this, as he has been married before, I have not. He simply said that it's because he believes in marriage. When we're apart and he looks down and sees his wedding band, it makes him happy. He regrets not listening to his gut prior to his first marriage, and says they never should have gotten married. He doesn't consider the marriage a failure, because he wouldn't have his daughter without it, but if he could do it over again he wouldn't.

He said when he met me he "just knew" that I was it, lol. He can't explain why, he just did. We've been happily married now for longer than he was to his first wife. I guess sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.

Of course, he said all that in pretty much two sentences...I'm just expanding on it...because that's what I do bahahahaha.
 
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