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I would love to know what everyone on here thinks of this!

If you've already been divorced, and you aren't going to have children, WHAT is the incentive to remarry in your 40's or older...? What is the benefit...?? Why does it matter?

I am not talking about commitment - but you can have commitment without marriage. And I don't need to hear religious reasons...I understand those.

For those you who would want to remarry - or DID - after (at least) one divorce...WHY...???
 

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I would love to know what everyone on here thinks of this!

If you've already been divorced, and you aren't going to have children, WHAT is the incentive to remarry in your 40's or older...? What is the benefit...?? Why does it matter?

I am not talking about commitment - but you can have commitment without marriage. And I don't need to hear religious reasons...I understand those.

For those you who would want to remarry - or DID - after (at least) one divorce...WHY...???
Legal and financial benefits would be one reason.

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Because when I find my life partner I'm not interested in being his girlfriend for the next 35 to 40 years. Marriage has meaning to me and is a commitment beyond being girlfriend and boyfriend and I'm interested in that kind of a relationship.

Marriage isn't just for couples who want to have children. Plenty of couples are childfree by choice and they still value marriage. What about couples who find they are infertile and can't have children---- are their marriages pointless?? No!
 

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Marriage means little to us. As you say, you can have commitment without marriage and we had that for many years. Most of the legal benefits can be replicated with various types of power of attorney, etc., but it can be inconvenient if you have to produce a document to prove it. However, there can be tax benefits, and an often overlooked item can be social security survivor benefits, if the higher earning person dies first. At the time we married, ACA didn't exist, and the only way to keep her alive was to get her on my employer's health plan - that required marriage.
 

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I think a lot of couples do it because to them it signifies a stronger commitment. The financial benefits are a plus and the legal benefits, next of kin, etc. It makes certain parts of life easier. And now with common law rules you lose the benefit of not getting married when someone can just sue you for alimony even when you weren't even really married.
 

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On a personal note, and this is NOT to judge anyone who does it, but I would NEVER remarry. I'd date and have fun, THAT'S IT! There is no benefit, and I wouldn't want ANYONE to have financial/medical decision making control over me. That will be reserved for my kids lol!
 

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I think a lot of couples do it because to them it signifies a stronger commitment. The financial benefits are a plus and the legal benefits, next of kin, etc. It makes certain parts of life easier. And now with common law rules you lose the benefit of not getting married when someone can just sue you for alimony even when you weren't even really married.
Common law marriage isn't all that common only a few states have it.

Alabama

Colorado

District of Columbia

Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)

Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)

Iowa

Kansas

Montana

New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)

Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)

Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma’s laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)

Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)

Rhode Island

South Carolina

Texas

Utah



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Why marry in the first place. When you throw out children and religion, financial (tax) reasons, are the questionable remaining reason. I know that I'm not wealthy enough to really save significantly on taxes. There are some weird legal assumptions about marriage. Like paternity, and health insurance. So I guess I could get married to get health insurance, or rather stay married to maintain health insurance. . .

Oh, I guess that's it. my only reason for being married.
 

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Hmm...how so...??
It seems to be a universal practice. No matter where you go (with outliers, of course) everybody seems to just pair off. Kinda like asking why do you inhale after you exhale......I don't know, I just do.

Pretty articulate, eh? lol
 

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Legal and financial benefits would be one reason.

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Yes.

A popular example is one spouse has health insurance he/she can put a spouse on, but not a BF or GF.

I know people who have kept marriages for this reason, while both spouses cohabit w/ others.
 

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Health insurance, inheritance, medical decision making, social security benefits, legal contracts (deeds and whatnot), taxes, and a bunch of other things are only possible or are significantly easier for legally tied adults. Marriage or domestic partnership or whatever grants a ton of legal recognition.

That being said, I haven't gone on my first date post divorce so what do I know?
 

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Well, @Emerging Buddhist and I met when we were 56yo and married when we were 57yo, so I think we are precisely your demographic! He had a marriage of almost 30 years, and I was divorced once and widowed once. So on one hand, I understand what you mean and agree that there can be commitment without the "paper." In fact, I told him that I thought of commitment as what is between us, and even though we are married, I want him to stay because he wants to be here...not out of obligation to some commitment.

And yet (and this is a big "and yet"), to me, getting married was not only commitment between us, but also PUBLIC commitment to each other in front of our family and friends. It's also LEGAL commitment to each other in front of "society" that yep, we are one unit. Now, the day-to-day acting out of the commitment is still between us, just as our parents' marriages and siblings' marriages about between them and their spouse. But to me, the public declaration and celebration is like an additional layer of family's joining together.

In the event of medical emergency or financial emergency, we know each other's wishes and we have to trust that the other will execute our wishes as we want...but you'd have that whether need to trust whether there was a marriage or not. WITH a marriage, now the other has the authority to do our wishes.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
It seems to be a universal practice. No matter where you go (with outliers, of course) everybody seems to just pair off. Kinda like asking why do you inhale after you exhale......I don't know, I just do.

Pretty articulate, eh? lol
I DO like this non-answer...but is it YOUR opinion...??

Maybe I need to add a political component to the question to get a more descriptive answer (complete with memes!)...?? Lol!!! ;)
 

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So I'll post the odd notion that marriage adds some freedom to your life/relationship. Commitment isn't a sentence; it's (or it should be) setting up notions of boundaries and privacy that two people can comfortably live within and not worry that something they do is going to cause the other to leave. It (marriage) has the ability to reduce fear and stress.

In an ideal world, of course. Your mileage may vary. Just suggesting that it's possible some view marriage as liberating rather than confining. Assuming they're interested in long term relationships.
 

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If your partner works for a Catholic organization and you need the health insurance, you better be married. 2 years ago, even as I could barely breathe due to coming out of remission, I still couldn't make an appointment with anyone because my husband's employer withheld the health insurance until we produced the marriage certificate. So much for the good Samaritan reputation of Catholic entities.........

If your partner works overseas, it will be easier to get a visa if you're legally married.

And I also like what Casual observer wrote above. It's just nice having someone around the house whom I don't always have to entertain. We're not worried about making things 50 /50 and so on.
 

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In an ideal world, of course. Your mileage may vary. Just suggesting that it's possible some view marriage as liberating rather than confining. Assuming they're interested in long term relationships.
My first marriage was confining, and I wish I hadn't married her. It was unreasonably difficult, time consuming, and costly to get out of it, too. This marriage is liberating, even though we married mostly to obtain benefits - o/w, we wouldn't have needed to or bothered as things were (and are) great anyway.
 

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So I'll post the odd notion that marriage adds some freedom to your life/relationship. Commitment isn't a sentence; it's (or it should be) setting up notions of boundaries and privacy that two people can comfortably live within and not worry that something they do is going to cause the other to leave. It (marriage) has the ability to reduce fear and stress.

In an ideal world, of course. Your mileage may vary. Just suggesting that it's possible some view marriage as liberating rather than confining. Assuming they're interested in long term relationships.
Ummm. Aren't you kind of saying being married gives people the ability to become lax in how they treat their partner because it's harder to leave a marriage than a relationship that isn't marriage?
 
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