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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Brief intro : We've been married 7 yrs. no children. Her 2nd marriage, my first. We were friends first and dated while she was going throgh her rough 1st marriage. WE got closer and got married.We took the vows seriously and were a perfect couple. She was hospitalized with an illness.I stood by her and helped her.
Like in every marriage,We fought often over petty things and always reconciled and in her words she will "always love me- no matter what". We've been through thick and thin and she was always my woman who would support me and stood by me.

Then something changed..
Fast fwd. 7 years into marriage, she makes new friends from work, starts going out to the clubs on the weekends and out relationship has been like 'roommates'. Not a lot of sex, only distance. I'm guilty for some of that -- work pressure , boredom, lack of interest etc.. we just had different bio clocks!!

Few months ago, caught her talking to a "friend" in a parking lot when she was supposed to be at work. That weekend, she said she was going to the gym and comes home all showered up.
i got suspicious and dug thru here phone records since i'm the primary account holder..and voila!! strange numbers incoming/outgoing 50+ minutes. I questioned her and she said " i'ts just a friend". I asked here nicely, "why don't we get on a 3 way and talk to your friend or at least let me say hi".
I called the number *67 and it was a "dude". She locked here phone screen and got her a new private phone and left me for over a month now..with a excuse that she was seeing here family ..blah, blah blah and will be back soon.

I did some research and spoke to her family and friends, and it was confirmed that she was not staying with them over the nights and weekends.She even lied to them about it. I confronted her over the phone and told her how betrayed i feel for everything i did for her. She has no remorse!
I got the dude's number and address and questioned her about it.She blatantly denies it.

At this point, i can't take her back or trust her "ever again". I told her not to bother coming back and she can't even "own up to" her lies and betrayal. I spoke to a lawyer and she will be served soon.I can't afford a PE to get proof and prove here infidelity in court. She now wants to see me in court (hidden agenda?!!). I feel betrayed, used and left alone. I trusted her all these years like a dumbass.

I know there was something missing over the years and NO ONE is perfect. I admit my faults and tried to work on things i can improve on.Dang! at least i gave it a shot..i didn't go behind her and cheated on her, like she did me.
Why TF do people do that? For the love of god..i can't understand nor do my friends. She is the last person in the world, i hoped would do that.:scratchhead:

P.s: I'm now trying to get over her, erase memories..it's been real hard so far.
 

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Why do you need solid proof of infidelity? Is it for legal reasons or just for your own peace of mind?

You said you dated her while she was going through her rough first marriage. It sounds like she is now dating someone else while she goes through her second rough marriage.

IMO you don't need any further proof. She is done with the marriage and done with you. Gone for a month based on a pack of bald-faced lies? You are well rid of this immoral and low-class creature.
 

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Can you explain what you mean by "dated while she was going thru her rough 1st marriage"? Do you mean that you and her were dating while she was married? If so, why would she be the last person you would expect this behaviour from now?

My apologies if this isn't what you meant. In any case, proving infidelity in court is usually meaningless anyways, as most North American courts are "no-fault". Proving infidelity doesn't offer much value, especially compared to the cost. Just worry about closing things off as soon as you can.

C
 

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The key here is your statement that you dated while she was going thru her rough first marriage. Leopards don't change their spots. I always said" if you date a cheater, they get divorced then marry you, pretty soon you are the other half of their "bad marriage". A good example is my xw. She married the OM. Good friend of mine, they had a year long affair, texting behind my back. Married now 5 months. Just found out that she had to give up her cell phone, if you want her, you call him and he will get her for you...LOL.
 

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Forgot to add. Truly sorry for your problems, really I am. Don't mean to be mean. Keep coming to this board a lot of help available to those that will listen.
 

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Brief intro : We've been married 7 yrs. no children. Her 2nd marriage, my first. We were friends first and dated while she was going throgh her rough 1st marriage.

Ok so here is an example of a person having an opposite sex friend while being married and ends up in divorce. I wonder if you meant this literally. You dated a married woman. Wow. bad form at least.

WE got closer and got married.We took the vows seriously and were a perfect couple. She was hospitalized with an illness.I stood by her and helped her.

Like in every marriage,We fought often over petty things and always reconciled and in her words she will "always love me- no matter what".

No most marriages there is not a lot of arguments. There is occasional conflict. That is a much different thing though.

We've been through thick and thin and she was always my woman who would support me and stood by me.

Then something changed..
Fast fwd. 7 years into marriage, she makes new friends from work, starts going out to the clubs on the weekends and out relationship has been like 'roommates'.

You should have engaged this from the getgo. Going clubbing is a womn on the prowl looking for attention from other men. Seven year itch in this case. She has trouble with fidelity.

Not a lot of sex, only distance. I'm guilty for some of that -- work pressure , boredom, lack of interest etc.. we just had different bio clocks!!

So you work hard and want to blame yourself. --check

Few months ago, caught her talking to a "friend" in a parking lot when she was supposed to be at work.

Wow. Caught her.

That weekend, she said she was going to the gym and comes home all showered up.
i got suspicious and dug thru here phone records since i'm the primary account holder..and voila!! strange numbers incoming/outgoing 50+ minutes.

So she is lying about where she goes. Wow. You can shower at the gym but I guess she may have used someone elses shower.

I questioned her and she said " i'ts just a friend".

You should have pursued this and found out who the friend was. if the friend was a male you should have insisested on NC.

I asked here nicely, "why don't we get on a 3 way and talk to your friend or at least let me say hi".
I called the number *67 and it was a "dude". She locked here phone screen and got her a new private phone and left me for over a month now..with a excuse that she was seeing here family ..blah, blah blah and will be back soon.

Oh. Ok. This is easy. You are done. Time to move on sir. She is a serial cheater.

I did some research and spoke to her family and friends, and it was confirmed that she was not staying with them over the nights and weekends.She even lied to them about it. I confronted her over the phone and told her how betrayed i feel for everything i did for her. She has no remorse!
I got the dude's number and address and questioned her about it.She blatantly denies it.

At this point, i can't take her back or trust her "ever again". I told her not to bother coming back and she can't even "own up to" her lies and betrayal. I spoke to a lawyer and she will be served soon.I can't afford a PE to get proof and prove here infidelity in court. She now wants to see me in court (hidden agenda?!!). I feel betrayed, used and left alone. I trusted her all these years like a dumbass.

I know there was something missing over the years and NO ONE is perfect. I admit my faults and tried to work on things i can improve on.Dang! at least i gave it a shot..i didn't go behind her and cheated on her, like she did me.
Why TF do people do that? For the love of god..i can't understand nor do my friends. She is the last person in the world, i hoped would do that.:scratchhead:

P.s: I'm now trying to get over her, erase memories..it's been real hard so far.

Ok so while this was not a good experience, you can move on. This was not the woman you were looking for. This woman is into hypergamy or in just having multiple guy. Sorry you invested so much time in her.
 

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I can't imagin the lies she made up about her 1st marriage. I'm curious to know how long her 1st marriage lasted.

Wouldn't be neat if you, her 1st husband and the OM all got together to compare notes?

I bet the new OM is now hearing the same bull crap you heard when you first met her during her 1st marriage.
 

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Your story sounds familiar. Your wife almost seems like the married woman my STBXH was having an affair with...
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thanks for all your support and advice. Just for the record, her 1st marriage with a common acquaintance lasted only an year or so..she was 18 at the time...and according to her..he ex was severely abusive , violent and then blamed her losing a baby. Don't know 1st hand.It's all hear say. I started talking to her when she was "legally separated" and my dumb ass took her under my wings.

I ain't no Nostradamus and here i'm burning now after 7 years.I can't trust her ever ever again.

Btw, this forum rocks and there are good ppl out here with some real valuable advice and i truly appreciate it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Your story sounds familiar. Your wife almost seems like the married woman my STBXH was having an affair with...
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Hopefully you ex is NOT in FL or TX !:confused::scratchhead::p
 

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Hopefully you ex is NOT in FL or TX !:confused::scratchhead::p
Yeah I am not in Florida or Texas. Well I think it's good you're not putting up with her lies and cheating. The best thing you can do, is try your best to pick up the pieces & move on. It's easier said than done. But sometimes it's the only choice you have. Good luck!
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thanks for all your support and advice. Just for the record, her 1st marriage with a common acquaintance lasted only an year or so..she was 18 at the time...and according to her..he ex was severely abusive , violent and then blamed her losing a baby. Don't know 1st hand.It's all hear say. I started talking to her when she was "legally separated" and my dumb ass took her under my wings.
Most WW say that to their OM so they can justify leaving their BH. They aren't going to say, "Well, I left my husband because he's a great guy". They have to demonize their husband. You took her word for it. I bet if you talked to him personally, you'd get a different story.

Its part of the cheaters handbook. Most likely she's now telling this OM that you're "severely abusive"?
 

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And a hush occurred across the Forum, as the great one entered, offered his opinion, then proceeded on. Yes, Lord Mayhem does exist! We are not worthy. :)
 

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Most WW say that to their OM so they can justify leaving their BH. They aren't going to say, "Well, I left my husband because he's a great guy". They have to demonize their husband. You took her word for it. I bet if you talked to him personally, you'd get a different story.

Its part of the cheaters handbook. Most likely she's now telling this OM that you're "severely abusive"?
oh yes.
just like my wife made me out to be the most horrible person in the world to her OM. terrible father, terrible husband. im sure he didnt really care.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
There is no good answer as to why people do selfish things. Other than because they can. The world is full of them.

Be grateful there are no children. Focus on getting out of this. And remember there is someone out there for you to have a happy life with.
Thank you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
There is no good answer as to why people do selfish things. Other than because they can. The world is full of them.

Be grateful there are no children. Focus on getting out of this. And remember there is someone out there for you to have a happy life with.
We did not "date" at the time i met her. She was legally separated and awaiting her divorce.
 
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