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Discussion Starter #61
What fallout my man; unless you're going to lose something you'd be getting from them. Why put any value on what they say or do? Better yet, why would you even give a sh-t? Listen to the below and take it to heart. Let it be your personal "F you" message.:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsovdtBgz3Q
Thanks Phoenix, that helped although not as harsh as I would like but can't think of anything else at the moment. :frown2:
 

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Well I kind of slipped up on the 180 today. I saw a few of her close friends that we happened to have over for dinner in June during her faux R. I just had to ask them if they knew about the cheating at the time or if she was lying to them also. I'm sure it was stupid of me but these are the same friends that always assured me they would take care of her and not let anything happened when she went out with them without me. Stupid me, i should have known better but I couldn't help it.

Can't wait to see what the fallout for this is going to be. At least I know where they stand on this now.
There's nothing wrong with telling them the truth. The more the better, IMO.
 

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Well I kind of slipped up on the 180 today. I saw a few of her close friends that we happened to have over for dinner in June during her faux R. I just had to ask them if they knew about the cheating at the time or if she was lying to them also. I'm sure it was stupid of me but these are the same friends that always assured me they would take care of her and not let anything happened when she went out with them without me. Stupid me, i should have known better but I couldn't help it.

Can't wait to see what the fallout for this is going to be. At least I know where they stand on this now.
If you didn't ask them, how would you know whether to cut them out of your life or not. Friends do not help anybody stab you in the back.
 

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Discussion Starter #64
If you didn't ask them, how would you know whether to cut them out of your life or not. Friends do not help anybody stab you in the back.
I know. I was just kind of hoping against hope that they were keeping it from them also. I did go in knowing the odds of that were remote and I was correct. It just reinforces my thoughts on that group of "friends" we had. I was never very comfortable around them but she is totally immersed in them. I can't think of a single one of them that is in a stable relationship and that has always bothered me. Always some drama from one or the other. Well, now we are their latest drama unfortunately. They will go on drinking and partying because it's the only thing that makes them happy.

Oh well, re-engaging 180 and bracing for whatever the future holds. It's like death from a thousand cuts.
 

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I know this will sound harsh, in other words, ya'all are the flavor of the month for the drama. Giving one of them a break. Sounds like some shallow people. 2TL hold your head up and know your gut instinct was on target where they are concerned, they are not true friends and leave them be. Do a bit of work on YOU, make a new and better life for yourself and kids. You are a good and strong man that still has the world. Know you are a wonderful Dad raised your children to be upstanding adults and that is a feat in itself. With time you will be truly happy and able to smile again.
 

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Be glad they told you the truth so you really know what they are like and how they treat their so called friends.
I don't think it was bad to ask them, so you know where they are coming from.
Telling people what your wife has done/is doing to you is about your life and you are free to tell whomever you wish. Just don't make it your only topic of conversation.
 

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Discussion Starter #67
This is a part of a letter I got from her atty a few days ago. I find it both humorous and disturbing at the same time.

*ME** has been posting numerous damaging and untrue statements
about my client on Facebook for their family members to see. Well, this is all true except for her using the adjectives "numerous" and "untrue".
Additionally, he has been stalking my client, invading the privacy of her client/therapist relationship with her counselor, entering the house unwanted, unannounced and without permission, as well as recording my client's conversations that she is having with other people without her permission and where he is not a party to the conversation. Talk about paranoia. I have not had any contact with WW since July 22nd. My client is extremely disturbed by these behaviors and demands that he immediately stop these actions and behaviors.

I like how she adds the "entering the house unwanted, unannounced and without her permission" right in the middle of a bunch of god-knows-what-paranoia is going through her brain. Notice she didn't say I couldn't be at the house, only that she didn't want me there.

Truth is I have not had any contact with her other than the email on the 24th informing her of my intentions on the 26th. I believe the last time I actually saw her was on July 22nd yet I got this letter two days ago. I've honestly been too busy to even think about her personally much other than when I'm sitting here at night. I just don't understand where all this comes from.

We have mediation scheduled for this Wed. I guess it's then I will have a better idea of how this is going to play out. I'm not optimistic in the least.
 

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Discussion Starter #69
Typical lawyer stuff. Put you on the defensive so you waste time fighting the bullshyte instead of going on the offensive. Ignore it.
Pretty much how I took it. My response to her was:

Yes, I have confirmed with the mediator our appointment 8/12 at 10 am. I am looking forward to a productive meeting and hope we can both agree on what is best for the needs of both parties involved and move through this process quickly and amicably.

I just ignored everything else. What's disgusting though is this is actually what my WW is telling anyone that will listen. I even had the sheriff call me the other night and adamantly ask me if I have any listening devices installed in my house or on her phone.
 

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2Time

Have I told you just how much I hate your username. It just does not describe you at all.

She is the 2time or maybe now 3time loser.

I truly hope you are calm, cool and firm on Wednesday.

And you might really need an attorney with you. If you have paid for her home and paid for expansion/improvements in the home then you have value/equity in the home.


I've tried to figure out the WHY as I'm sure is the normal in this situation.
It is pretty simple when you think about it. She raised 9 kids. She is done with the kids. They are grownup.

She made a selfish, conscious decision that she is done with you now. She also did it in the most hurtful way possible. Realize she is done. She is not the person you married. She is certainly not the person you thought she was.

"Her" friends are not your friends nor will they ever be. They sound like people of "low" character.

IMO your STBXW is not someone I could ever forgive nor have a post divorce relationship with. And I do not say that lightly.


She just chucked away 30 years of memories, emotions and family right out the window......

Your best course of action is to get what you are entitled to. Screw any of her developing "prototypes" that you are working on for her and protect your kids as best you can.

She will always be Mom and Grandma. But wife is a title she has lost any credibility for.

You keep setting a good example for your family and keep repeating to her lawyer and the sheriff that you have no idea what she/they are talking about when it comes to eavesdropping.

Don't be a nice guy on Wed. Show her the new you.

HM
 

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Discussion Starter #72
2Time

Have I told you just how much I hate your username. It just does not describe you at all.


HM
Well, I'm not very fond of it either. Understand my emotional state when I joined this forum. I didn't want to use anything familiar and that is was pretty much my mindset at the time of joining, that I have failed everyone yet again.

Unfortunately I'm stuck with the name on here now so I have to embrace it I guess.

I am consulting with a new attorney on Monday and will go from there. I will leave it up to her to determine if I need to retain her then or just wait and see how the mediation goes on Wednesday.

Fortunately my therapist is also an attorney and has actually been very helpful in explaining how the mediation works and what I should be doing and how I should proceed in it. Still nervous as hell because I don't see her being at all cooperative even though she is the one that initiated and scheduled the mediation.
 

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PM a moderator. They can change it for you.

And stay strong, brother. You are doing well.
 

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This is a part of a letter I got from her atty a few days ago. I find it both humorous and disturbing at the same time.

*ME** has been posting numerous damaging and untrue statements
about my client on Facebook for their family members to see. Well, this is all true except for her using the adjectives "numerous" and "untrue".
Additionally, he has been stalking my client, invading the privacy of her client/therapist relationship with her counselor, entering the house unwanted, unannounced and without permission, as well as recording my client's conversations that she is having with other people without her permission and where he is not a party to the conversation. Talk about paranoia. I have not had any contact with WW since July 22nd. My client is extremely disturbed by these behaviors and demands that he immediately stop these actions and behaviors.

I like how she adds the "entering the house unwanted, unannounced and without her permission" right in the middle of a bunch of god-knows-what-paranoia is going through her brain. Notice she didn't say I couldn't be at the house, only that she didn't want me there.

Truth is I have not had any contact with her other than the email on the 24th informing her of my intentions on the 26th. I believe the last time I actually saw her was on July 22nd yet I got this letter two days ago. I've honestly been too busy to even think about her personally much other than when I'm sitting here at night. I just don't understand where all this comes from.

We have mediation scheduled for this Wed. I guess it's then I will have a better idea of how this is going to play out. I'm not optimistic in the least.
The bit you posted sounds suspiciously like a letter, detailing an attempt, to get a restraining order and bar you from the house. Show your lawyer.
 

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I was never very comfortable around them but she is totally immersed in them. I can't think of a single one of them that is in a stable relationship and that has always bothered me. Always some drama from one or the other.
You may as well go ahead and admit it Dawg. You don't really give a rats azz about this crowd and would it be little more than a passing thought if you heard they went down with the cruise ship they were on. >:)
On your username, virtually every guy that's had more than two wives or serious girlfriends are at least two time losers. I've got you beat by a ways my man.
 

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The bit you posted sounds suspiciously like a letter, detailing an attempt, to get a restraining order and bar you from the house. Show your lawyer.
As a former law (commercial/business) professor, you need and probably already have, run it by your attorney. If it were me, Id limit my response, in respect to her allegations, as, "Ill take her allegations under advisement".
 

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Discussion Starter #77
The bit you posted sounds suspiciously like a letter, detailing an attempt, to get a restraining order and bar you from the house. Show your lawyer.
Oh that and comments and strange demeanor and actions the last three months or so most definitely indicate jockeying for some legitimacy in filing a RO on me. Quite well aware of that.

Phoenix, as for a response, the above post is all I responded to in that letter. I will not give all the allegations a second glance much less respond to them.

As to the river rats, you are 100% correct in my feelings and attitude towards them. It's just sad that they sucked my wife in with them and destroyed the future I was looking forward to.
 

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This is a part of a letter I got from her atty a few days ago. I find it both humorous and disturbing at the same time.

*ME** has been posting numerous damaging and untrue statements
about my client on Facebook for their family members to see. Well, this is all true except for her using the adjectives "numerous" and "untrue".
Additionally, he has been stalking my client, invading the privacy of her client/therapist relationship with her counselor, entering the house unwanted, unannounced and without permission, as well as recording my client's conversations that she is having with other people without her permission and where he is not a party to the conversation. Talk about paranoia. I have not had any contact with WW since July 22nd. My client is extremely disturbed by these behaviors and demands that he immediately stop these actions and behaviors.

I like how she adds the "entering the house unwanted, unannounced and without her permission" right in the middle of a bunch of god-knows-what-paranoia is going through her brain. Notice she didn't say I couldn't be at the house, only that she didn't want me there.

Truth is I have not had any contact with her other than the email on the 24th informing her of my intentions on the 26th. I believe the last time I actually saw her was on July 22nd yet I got this letter two days ago. I've honestly been too busy to even think about her personally much other than when I'm sitting here at night. I just don't understand where all this comes from.

We have mediation scheduled for this Wed. I guess it's then I will have a better idea of how this is going to play out. I'm not optimistic in the least.
Pretty much how I took it. My response to her was:

Yes, I have confirmed with the mediator our appointment 8/12 at 10 am. I am looking forward to a productive meeting and hope we can both agree on what is best for the needs of both parties involved and move through this process quickly and amicably.

I just ignored everything else. What's disgusting though is this is actually what my WW is telling anyone that will listen. I even had the sheriff call me the other night and adamantly ask me if I have any listening devices installed in my house or on her phone.
Dear 2TL,

If you retained an attorney in connection with your marital problems and if your WW's attorney knew this and nevertheless sent a letter to you (or copied you on a letter she sent to your attorney), then your WW's attorney committed a serious ethical violation. Attorneys in the U.S. (where I presume you reside) are strictly forbidden from communicating directly with their clients' adversaries, being required instead to communicate solely with the adversaries' lawyers.

If this is the case, you should discuss this with your attorney and ask that it be brought to the attention of the local bar association for disciplinary action.

If you had an attorney at the time you received the letter, you should have discussed it with your attorney and had him or her respond. Under no circumstances should you respond to written communications from your WW or her attorney before consulting with your attorney. There are numerous tricks lawyers employ to get unsuspecting adversaries to make statements that can later be used against them. In your case, for example, the fact that you did not challenge your WW's attorney's false allegations could be cited as an admission that what was said was true. While you could still contest the false claims later, the fact that you did not contest them when they were first made (i.e., in your responding letter) could harm your case.

The bottom line is this: you are in a legal dispute and you have rights and property that are under threat; you therefore need to secure effective legal representation to protect your rights and property, and carefully follow their legal advice.

I know everybody hates lawyers, but a good lawyer is your best protection against your WW's depredations and the anti-male bias of U.S. family law.
 

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Discussion Starter #79 (Edited)
Well, it was a good day today. Too bad I am feeling worse than I have in a while.

Good news is great I guess. Had mediation today. It took four hours but we did come to an agreement. Can't discuss it but I'm happy it is over. At least I don't have to anguish about that aspect anymore.

So, now the rest.

For starters, I ordered a few VARs off Amazon to keep with me in case I had any run-ins or discussions with her about anything. Well, she had a printout of the order. I have no idea how she got it but she knew exactly what I had bought. I have a feeling she has a keylogger on this computer or something. Oh well.

So now the worst part is I should be in a great mood today right? In mediation she kept inferring that I am some kind of evil heartless person the last few weeks and, unfortunately she has to go through with this divorce because of that. Other than the idiotic internet surfing I end up doing when I am bored and alone at night I have avoided her like the plague.

Shortly after mediation this appeared on her pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/178173728982301845/. This could not be further from the truth. There are a lot of other things that basically say the same thing. How cold-hearted and selfish I am so she has no choice but to divorce me.

It's just a whole barrage of things like this that are tearing me up emotionally.
The rational side of me knows this is not true and she is doing this to justify everything so she doesn't look bad and possibly to make me want to run to her.
The emotional side is kicking my rational side's ass right now though because I do just want to go talk to her and convince her that this is all because we never communicated our problems to each other.

I just keep thinking that she did a lot of bad things to me and never explained anything yet she texts me "I hope you understand" That is the most frustrating part! I want to ask her How I'm supposed to understand anything if you don't explain it to me??
Okay, I've got to stop typing because I am just rambling now. I just keep thinking if only she communicated why she did the things she did and I could communicate with her why I reacted to things the way i did it would all be better. This is most definitely not the outcome I want for my future. I wish I could just tell her that the only thing I ever wanted in life is to spend the rest of it with her. And I still do.
I just can't help thinking that this whole situation is because everything that has transpired is based on assumptions due to lack of communication.

Okay, enough rambling. I am being pathetic right now.
 
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