[QuietRiot]

Not complicated at all. Wife's dad passed just before his did. They were both grieving. He started on a bereavement site for people who lost a parent or some such. Like an alcoholic going to AA. He made friends with a woman there who had lost someone. When they were down, they would meet and talk about it.

His mistake was befriending a woman and not a guy to talk to when he was down. When woman started wanting to meet in private location and started flirting, he saw that she had other motives, so he distanced himself from her.

In mean time wife handles her bereavement and finding out hubby is confiding in a woman he met from a bereavement group by screwing old friend. And is refusing to discuss her adultrous sexcapades.

Sounds pretty simple to me. She is for the streets.

Disagree. If it was innocent there would be no secrets and he wouldn’t ever call it “an affair” and then say he was naive. Nope.

ETA they are both for the streets. IMO.

 

[snowbum]

He would have said he chatted with, not had affair with. It’s his side of story and suddenly he mistakenly called it an affair.

 

[ABHale]

You are taking him at his word. He sounds just like a cheater that’s minimizing. It was cheating because he felt the need to keep it secret. I don’t believe a word.

I’m not going to assume that.

 

[ABHale]

I know a couple of guys that think talking one on one with a girl is cheating on their wife. It doesn’t matter what the conversation is about.

 

[SunCMars]

another example of why men and woman do not need opposite sex friends

That want, that desire, cannot be willed away
The need, such as it is, cannot be un-had.

It cannot be un-made, that un-needed thought, rather only denied, that is.

Needs are real, denials, sometimes, they being, the proper response.
And, proper it is, as seen in this matter, with this OP, the negation ought to be taken up.

 

[SunCMars]

I know a couple of guys that think talking one on one with a girl is cheating on their wife. It doesn’t matter what the conversation is about.

I concur, until convinced otherwise.

Both guys and gals think, as this.
This quick damning.

For truth to be made, the facts need bare this out.

We only have his word that it is the truth, he speaks.
For a proper hanging the shadow of the doubt must be eliminated.

We hear no factual naysayers, so I stay my hand.
I give the rope that slack, awaiting more damning proof of his adultery.

I call mistrial at this juncture.

 

[SunCMars]

Disagree. If it was innocent there would be no secrets and he wouldn’t ever call it “an affair” and then say he was naive. Nope.

ETA they are both for the streets. IMO.

His error was calling it a starry, chary affair.
Uh, on his part.

That other grieving woman wished it were one.
She steered the stars for that to happen.

He closed his eyes to her loving and needy stars.
He backed away without so much as a kiss.

He was wounded, his wife the same.
He talked with a woman, having proper intentions.

The wife was alienated prior to his meeting this talk mate.
She let her resentment lead her to a dark place in space.

She let the other mans starlight enter her.
His penis found her black hole a willing accomplice.

There are degrees of fault, of guilt.
OP's level rose to bent knee, shame, not full on.

His wife's shame was made, full on.
It entered her taken place, it entered her married fold.

Aye.

 

[LongGoneLove]

He would have said he chatted with, not had affair with. It’s his side of story and suddenly he mistakenly called it an affair.

The guy is probably an upstanding guy and had a guilty conscience over something relatively minor. You jump to lots of unsubstantiated conclusions.

 

[QuietRiot]

He would have said he chatted with, not had affair with. It’s his side of story and suddenly he mistakenly called it an affair.

Agreed. And honestly if the situation were reversed and his wife had gone and met a guy in secret 8 times, nooooobody would be defending her and saying no big deal. What is the saying everyone always uses on this site… EA + physical proximity = he’s a victim? Nope that’s not it… 🤔

He doesn’t need to be talked into believing he’s an innocent victim. He definitely is no victim.

I don’t think many people realize that an EA (even if that was as far as it went) can be more damaging in a females eyes than a PA... They’ve both done the most possible damage to one another… the marriage is done.

 

[QuietRiot]

His error was calling it a starry, chary affair.
Uh, on his part.

That other grieving woman wished it were one.
She steered the stars for that to happen.

He closed his eyes to her loving and needy stars.
He backed away without so much as a kiss.

He was wounded, his wife the same.
He talked with a woman, having proper intentions.

The wife was alienated prior to his meeting this talk mate.
She let her resentment lead her to a dark place in space.

She let the other mans starlight enter her.
His penis found her black hole a willing accomplice.

There are degrees of fault, of guilt.
OP's level rose to bent knee, shame, not full on.

His wife's shame was made, full on.
It entered her taken place, it entered her married fold.

Aye.

Okidoke.

 

[Jimi007]

She is in love with him....That is why she's protecting him.

It could also be deep shame.
And maybe that's why she won't discuss it.


Do you know when it all started ?

So , she only slept with him once ? And then admitted it 9 days later ?

I hope she at least used protection ?
You should get an std/sti test done immediately.

Maybe she talked to others 1st because she didn't know how to tell you and wanted thier advice 🤔

Your never going to get the full story 😒
And if you really need to know , just remember, it's going to eat at you like a Fu##ing cancer until you get them.

Live with it or Get ŕid of it

 

[manfromlamancha]

Was hers sexual? Regardless, you said women. one of the women. Did you tell them you loved them? Why do you want to be with your wife?

He was referring to one of the women (her friends) that she told about both affairs.

 

[manfromlamancha]

You still haven't answered the question "was her affair physical?" Did she sleep with him? Do you have details of how many times, what they did etc.? Why are you not confirming what you know?

 

[Mystic Moon]

This isn’t cheating. This is ending a friendship that gets to close for comfort.

Not telling your spouse that you are meeting someone that they do not know about, of the opposite sex, multiple times, to discuss deeply personal things is an emotional affair. Just because he stopped seeing her before things went any further does not make it any less dishonest, or not an emotional affair.

 

[QuietRiot]

Not telling your spouse that you are meeting someone that they do not know about, of the opposite sex, multiple times, to discuss deeply personal things is an emotional affair. Just because he stopped seeing her before things went any further does not make it any less dishonest, or not an emotional affair.

I think some folks would benefit from reading Not Just Friends. This is really interesting that his behavior is being so minimized. Absolutely an emotional affair (at minimum) and he admits it, yet people are telling him it’s not. Unbelievable.

 

[bygone]

I believe that people who start a relationship are not interested in marriage anyway.

relationship partner for your wife someone who deserves more than you

You might think that Om is trying to protect and support your wife, keeping in touch.


I disagree with the concept of relationship fog. They changed the name of love, if you say that my wife loves it very much, no one will try to put on make-up.

 

[Divinely Favored]

You still haven't answered the question "was her affair physical?" Did she sleep with him? Do you have details of how many times, what they did etc.? Why are you not confirming what you know?

He said she did sleep with her AP.

 

[Divinely Favored]

Not telling your spouse that you are meeting someone that they do not know about, of the opposite sex, multiple times, to discuss deeply personal things is an emotional affair. Just because he stopped seeing her before things went any further does not make it any less dishonest, or not an emotional affair.

So going to a psych Dr or counselor of opposite sex and not telling your spouse about it, is likewise an EA. There are a lot of EAs going on in this country.

 

[ABHale]

Agreed. And honestly if the situation were reversed and his wife had gone and met a guy in secret 8 times, nooooobody would be defending her and saying no big deal. What is the saying everyone always uses on this site… EA + physical proximity = he’s a victim? Nope that’s not it… 🤔

He doesn’t need to be talked into believing he’s an innocent victim. He definitely is no victim.

I don’t think many people realize that an EA (even if that was as far as it went) can be more damaging in a females eyes than a PA... They’ve both done the most possible damage to one another… the marriage is done.

I wouldn’t call a woman meeting a guy for coffee 8 times, talking about the death of their dad cheating either. Friends do this from time to time.

I believe a key factor in an emotional affair is when the person starts feeling or saying “I love you”. That is when the damage starts and erosion of the marriage begins. There is nothing in OP’s statements that he was feeling this way himself. He did say that he felt that the female he was meeting up with in public seemed to want a change in their friendship. So he ended the friendship.

 

[ABHale]

Not telling your spouse that you are meeting someone that they do not know about, of the opposite sex, multiple times, to discuss deeply personal things is an emotional affair. Just because he stopped seeing her before things went any further does not make it any less dishonest, or not an emotional affair.

They were part of an online support group grieving the loss of a parent. They met in public 8 times to talk about it. This isn’t cheating or deep personal matters.

On the other hand his wife was ****ing a mutual friend that is married. Something some of the females on here are ok with because OP “cheated” first.