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Why is my wife protecting the affair partner?

8237 Views 101 Replies 37 Participants Last post by  Hopeful Cynic
To start I had an affair. Then I found out that when I had mine she went and had one. Where I came clean about all and everything she still has not. She does not want to discuss it with me. I don't understand why my wife is defensive or protective of her affair partner and his family. She seems to put them and what would happen to them over us and me.

I also know she has talked with two of her female friends and one guy friend that is older and told them about her affair and mine. She wont even admit she told them when I said something after one of the women and the guy at different times slipped up about it and let info out. I just do not understand why she wont talk to me and tell me the truth when I tell her what I know about her affair and the little I know they know.

Any advice to help my racing mind
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OP, the best way for you to put this dumpster fire out is just to simply get your personal affairs sorted and lawyer up.
Then, have her served hard and cold.
That'll harsh her buzz, and who knows what she'll want to do then.
However if you are smart, you'll just go ahead and stick the proverbial fork in it.
You screwed up, I'm not going to defend you.
However, your situation was somewhat limited in scope (EA), and you pulled it in before it went over the top.
Your spouse would have been correct and justified to divorce you, or exercise the other option of working through it.
Instead, she went scorched earth to a full blown affair, purely for spite, and bragged about it to others.
That speaks to the kind of person she is, and frankly, you should want better for yourself.
It sounds inevitable that the two of you are going to end up divorced anyway, because neither of you appear to have the skill set to constructively deal with the rigors of trauma, and instead transform it to drama. In your own best interests, just make it stop, for good.
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