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You cheated first, so I guess she figures she doesn't even have to play by your rules anymore.
OP’s actions converted the closed marriage into an open marriage. There was no longer a monogamous marriage upon which to cheat.

EDIT: I suspect that she knew all along that you were secretly meeting with this flirtatious woman. She felt certain that you were having an affair with her. She had a revenge affair. She told you first to hurt you.
 

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Wait…

You had an affair with a woman from a site who understood the relationship between you and your late father?

Your wife had her affair after the death of her father?

Did you both lose your fathers around the same time?
 

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I understand that my attention span and compression level are on par with a 10 year old but it would do a lot of people some good to actually read (and reread) what has been written….before posting.
I went back to find where OP said he checked out of his marriage for 8 months and met with his AP 8 times. Still missed it.
 
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