I keep seeing “trust” come up.Trust. I loved my husband yet he was not a safe space to be open with in any way. Emotionally or sexual. He was most worried about his own pleasure. Anything he ‘did for me’ wasn’t for me, but to make him feel more like a man.
If I asked for something to be done a little different or changed up, he would get offended. I know I’m hindsight he was just insecure and that was the driving force for his reactions in the bedroom. Therefor, I simply did the thing he wanted without regard. It was just easier. Lackluster doesn’t even touch it though but if I didn’t ‘criticize’ then my life wasn’t much easier.
Your situation is different because of your marriage and how terrible your husband treated you, but with a normal man, why is trust so difficult?
I’m not dumb. My exwife will most likely do everything under the sun for her next partner. That’s just how these things usually go. I’m not bitter about it. It’s just the way things are.
How is it though that she couldn’t trust me after 20 years if it truly is about trust? And I definitely asked for MANY things in the bedroom that we never got around to doing.
So she trusted me to take care of her. She trusts me around our children. She trusts me alone with our children - but she didn’t trust me in the bedroom when I never gave her one reason not to…..
I don’t think it is just trust. I think it is trust in certain situations, but I don’t think it is trust every time.
I think it has more to do with (some) women wanting to keep up a certain image. I think some women want to look like the perfect wife to the husband and others around her. She doesn’t want the husband to look at her like a promiscuous, loose or easy woman. Sad truth is that husbands WANT their wives to be that way with them in the bedroom! That’s when you are supposed to let your freak flag fly!