[DownByTheRiver]

I have mixed feelings about this. I feel like without knowing the details you will just fill in the blanks on your own, but you will never really know what is real or imagined. Odds are both are equally bad, but at least you know which is reality. For me it would be torture to not know. At the same time, I couldn't continue in the marriage either way. Hearing the gory details would likely just make my decision to leave that much more solid.

This seems similar to whether or not you should tell a spouse about an affair. If you cheat then stop and never get caught, some will say it is better to allow your spouse to live in blissful ignorance.

I had a real big reaction when best friend and roommate slept with the guy I was serious about, but I can honestly say I never wasted one second wondering who put what where in bed. Betrayal was the whole nine yards for me. To this day I have no curiosity about the sex they had. His body is not my body. I don't care what she did to it.

 

[Gabriel]

I would only want details for two reasons.

1) Ammo necessary for legal or spiteful purposes
2) if I was considering a reconciliation

If I had already decided it was over and was going to just let her go I wouldn't want to know. I'd only want to know for purposes of making a decision or for fuel.

 

[loblawbobblog]

Full disclosure should include a timeline of who they did it with and when/where. Also, when did things move from EA to PA. Anything beyond that is unadvisable, although I do understand the reasoning that knowing the details means it's no longer only the WS's story, it's now a shared history, in a kind of weird way.

 

[My Monsters]

A very wise older lady told me (from experience), you will have a burning desire to know all the details….but you don’t need to know all the dirty detail (especially sexual ones), in the long run it’s just more you have to let go of and forget….and forgive if you decide to.