Why exactly is ‘revenge cheating’ a bad thing?

12267 Views 168 Replies 69 Participants Last post by MattMatt, 16 d ago

Daryf4

Discussion Starter · 5 mo ago

long story short my husband and I have been married a few years and I found out that he cheated on me when he went away with some friends. When he told me my first thought was ok I am going to go have sex with someone else. I don’t know if I would follow through on this but I am having a hard time thinking of a reason that I shouldn’t. I have read about it a little and it seems to be frowned upon and I don’t really understand why? The vows are broken and one partner has already done it. I genuinely feel that we can begin to move on if I do this and it seems like it would make me feel better. How could it possibly damage the marriage more? He really really doesn’t want me to but I really didn’t want him to either. Has anyone done this and why is it a bad idea?

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RB III

· #161 · 2 mo ago

Hold yourself to a higher standard, hold your head high, remember that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
If you want to stay married get individual and couples counseling. If not walk away and move on. Either way you will come out of the situation a better, stronger person.
Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

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Stuff

· #162 · 2 mo ago

Revenge cheating is dumb. Don't let the other person live in your head.

If your relationship is over, don't be concerned about when a judge bangs the gavel down. There is nothing moral about the law and artificial deadlines. The gestapo and the KGB followed the law.

For some, moving on with dating, even sex, can be how they get back some confidence and self-regard. Being cheated on can be devastating. And sometimes, the increase in self-confidence and self-regard can allow someone to entertain some kind of reconciliation later on. One obstacle to reconciliation is the betrayed's feeling that they would be a sucker to do so. That feeling may be lessened if they feel like they have options.

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Griswold

· #163 · 2 mo ago

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Divinely Favored

· #164 · 2 mo ago

RB III said:
Hold yourself to a higher standard, hold your head high, remember that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
If you want to stay married get individual and couples counseling. If not walk away and move on. Either way you will come out of the situation a better, stronger person.
Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Or better yet, get the divorce with option to remarry in future if they prove they are deemed worthy again.

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No Longer Lonely Husband

· #165 · 1 mo ago

Daryf4 said:
long story short my husband and I have been married a few years and I found out that he cheated on me when he went away with some friends. When he told me my first thought was ok I am going to go have sex with someone else. I don’t know if I would follow through on this but I am having a hard time thinking of a reason that I shouldn’t. I have read about it a little and it seems to be frowned upon and I don’t really understand why? The vows are broken and one partner has already done it. I genuinely feel that we can begin to move on if I do this and it seems like it would make me feel better. How could it possibly damage the marriage more? He really really doesn’t want me to but I really didn’t want him to either. Has anyone done this and why is it a bad idea?

You lower yourself to his standard. why do that?

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Second time

· #166 · 1 mo ago

You can’t hurt others by hurting yourself. That may not make sense now. But if you do this, it will later.

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Txquail

· #167 · 1 mo ago

I personally don't stay with people who are cheaters. They cheat on me, they go to the streets.

However, I don't consider "Revenge Cheating" a bad thing. You were placed into a open relationship/marriage without being told. Your partner broke your vows and released you from your own oath. Again, I don't stay with a cheater, I would breakup or hand them with divorce papers. I would NOT remain loyal to the cheater at all. I would move out, work on myself, and not do a thing for the cheater. As far as I'm concerned, the relationship is OVER.

(Again this is my opinion, mine alone. I'm not flaming anyone.)

When I caught my EX cheating on me, I gave her till the end of the weekend to come get her stuff. She was not going to live under the same roof as me. All items not picked up by 8pm on Sunday were going to be placed in a dumpster. (I was really young at the time, lucky she came and got all her crap on Saturday). I personally went out after that to meet other women, I knew my relationship was over and I was NOT EVER going to take her back. So me going out until we were legally divorced didn't bother me at all.

NOW: I would NOT be seeing other people if both of you were living under the same roof. In my case, I threw her out, she went to her parents. At that point on I didn't care anymore, my relationship was dead. We had no kids, no real assets, nothing of value. We were just out of college with nothing to show for ourselves. (No kids involved or no risk of alimony or anything)

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jlg07

· #168 · 1 mo ago

I think for many, when cheated on, the revenge affair lets them get their agency back and allows them to feel like it wasn't a sexual failure on their part that caused their spouse/SO to cheat. THEY are still a viable sexual person and the fault lies in their partner.

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MattMatt

· #169 · 16 d ago

As this thread was started by a troll with multiple accounts, I'm now closing it.

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