Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 116 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I had the day off, work holiday shut down.

My wife worked today because she is in management, but loves her job and it's the best she's had to date.

To surprise her, before she got home from work, I.....

- cleaned up / landscaped our outside, looks really good now
- kitchen cleaned
- dishwasher run and emptied
- recycling done
- upstairs and downstairs bathroom dishes and cleaned
- bed nicely made

She comes home, very pleasantly surprised. I give her a hug and say, tonight is your night. Have a bath and I'll go down on you later.

Then she proceeds to eat mack and cheese (crap food), talks on the phone with her parents and sister for at least 1 hour (they live 10 minutes away), surfs the net with her laptop and watches news, 2 hours later, I come down, want to give her some cuddling on the couch, then she'd go have a bath, some nice chocolates. Nope. grumpy, I still need my space, no cuddling, no bath, and that's it for the night!!!

She works a full time job, so do we all. This is the best job/career she's ever had in all respects.

Why do I do all these things on my day off to surprise her and this is what I usually get!!!

So I relieved myself upstairs and now am downloading movies for the night, alone. What a great wife I have!!!!


Why do I even bother?


How many women would love this type of an evening only for them after work?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
That sucks!!! I can see why you are angry. It sounds like you are a really nice husband. Why do you think she acts like that to you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
811 Posts
And yet most women will tell us guys that the way to get a woman in the mood is to do just the things you did. As opposed to us just wanting to "jump their bones" at a moments notice.

I applaud you brother. And you have my sympathies.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
My guess would be her larger body, lower sex drive, hasn't found any real ways to stress relieve herself over 13 years, etc.

Going down on your woman after a days work, cuddling on the couch, nice chocolates, watch tv together, tell me a bit about her day, is a bad thing?! Women wouldn't want this?

See, I never turn my wife down and I leave my work at work. I've found ways to deal with stress and she hasn't but always talks about it though.

I'm not mad, but I'm definitely not happy with her.......she makes simple things complicated!!



I've learned a lot from this forum, listening more, alpha, decision making, extra little things and when it's all said and done..........doesn't change much on her end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
600 Posts
When i am at work sometimes i just want to come home and do my own thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It could be she just wants to do her own thing for a while......you might be right. But as of now, I no longer am in the mood for her tonight. She had her golden opportunity and sucks to be her if you wants it much later in the evening because I'll be asleep.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
48 Posts
it's not that she doesn't appreciate what you did. i'm sure she is happy
you did all the cleaning so she doesn't have to do it. what you cant see is no matter how much you clean the house it wont make her want to have sex with you. why do guys do this all the time. your wasting your time. your breaking your own heart by expecting something that is just not there.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,529 Posts
I would love it if my husband did this, but it wouldn't necessarily make me want to do anything sexual with him.

I like having sex with my husband because I love him, I'm sexually attracted to him and I like sex. I love him for who he is, not what he does for me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
She knows I'm not happy.

Tonight would of only been for her, me giving her oral sex and that's it, nothing for me, and a back rub later too.


Again, this is not me having sex in my wife. It would of been me pleasing her and that would be it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
does she generally want to have sex with you? or is this an ongoing problem.
Does she generally shut you out and not want to hang out with you, and is this what bugs you- or is it more the lack of sex?

What does she say when you talk to her about it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,625 Posts
OP, so how's life been lately? I don't recall your thread(s) off hand, but I assume it is about too little sex and/or too little affection. Since you incorporated more habits that shows your wife that you respect yourself more and value yourself as someone who deserves a good life (or being alpha as it's trendy to state here - and sell books too btw...), has your sex life improved at all? If it is improving, then this may be nothing more than a very stressful day and your wife simply wants to unwind without having to feel "pressured" to perform for you.

If you are not seeing an improvement, then try to talk to her candidly about why she is cutting off sex and intimacy to the extent that she is. If she can't put a finger on it, then you need to throttle back some of those nice things you do for her all the time. I'm guessing you are still exhibiting some doormat tendencies, but probably improved from earlier based on what you typed in this thread.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,124 Posts
She knows I'm not happy.

Tonight would of only been for her, me giving her oral sex and that's it, nothing for me, and a back rub later too.


Again, this is not me having sex in my wife. It would of been me pleasing her and that would be it.
That's not something I would like... just oral for me. That sounds like servicing her not like a loving act. Maybe some women would like the idea, but I would not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
She generally doesn't go out of her way to want to have sex with me. I'm in great shape, weights, 6ft 230 lbs.

We work full time jobs and only get Saturday off together but we do spend time after work together cuddling, talking, etc.

The lack of sex on her part has been bugging me since we were married 13 years ago. We've talked about it, had verbal arguments about it, nothing changes in the end on her part.

I asked her today, do you have any sexual fantasies you always wanted to try, just never told me? She tells me no, I have none.

Our sex life has increase some what but nothing drastically. She still could go almost all month of no sex. If I get sex 3x in a week, that's almost too much for her. Whenever I want to go down on her, she always pushes me away. So sometimes I force her hands to the side and go down on her and she does like it.

Her low sex drive is how she was raised, larger woman, told she was fat in her youth, insecure, but has done nothing on her end to break the chain.


If she would do this for me, on a day she's home and I'm coming back from work..........I would have a shower first and then wow, good wife.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,124 Posts
You did some helpful things around the house today. That’s great.

But then you decided what her evening should be like. And then when that was not what she wanted you got upset???? This sounds to me like what some of the guys around here call a sh!t test.

Yes I understand that you were coming from a place of wanting to please her. But to please her you need to do something that would please her. Apparently a bath and you servicing her tonight was not something that she wanted. You set her up to fail. And not that she failed your test you feel justified in being upset with her. And you feel even more justified in being upset because you did a lot of work in the house today.

If you want to have a romantic night with her where you pamper her setup a date for it. Tell her that you would like to pamper her and ask what day/night she’d like to do that. Let her know some of the romantic things you have in mind.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,124 Posts
If she would do this for me, on a day she's home and I'm coming back from work..........I would have a shower first and then wow, good wife.
That's you. It's not her.

It sounds like the two of you do not communicate very well. You should talk with her about to night and how she felt about the things you wanted for her after work. How did she feel about it? What did she like, not like about it. What would she like?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
48 Posts
i feel so sorry for you. 13 years of wondering how to fix this problem without any success. if you've talked it over and over and over and still she does not try to change she never will. you need to make the change or you'll pass another 13 years wondering why. and it doesn't matter if you in the best shape of your life if she doesn't want you she doesn't want you period
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 · (Edited)
Is it correct to say, most women wish their men would do more of what I planned for tonight?

And then she isn't in the mood..........wonder why I won't be doing this again anytime soon.

If the roles were reversed, us men would not turn our wives down but its okay for them to do so? Am I missing something?

Seems there still is a double standard.

After my wife gets home from work, the last thing she wants to do, is get dressed up and go out again. She wants to chill.


What would my wife like? Okay......eat mack and cheese, talk on the phone for a few hours, watch news, nancy grace, and call it a night......what fun!!!

Main reason I don't go to the gym and train at home, hot women at the gym........temptation and situations would do me in. If a hot woman was flirting with me (happens), that's like dangling a steak in a hungry man's face!!!


I don't think she doesn't want me, she's just un-motivated and lazy anything outside of work and her family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
So it's fine for a woman to turn down her man, even if he planned it only for her but if he turned her down, after her doing all this for him.........not happening, hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn!!! Not cool.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
48 Posts
you are blinded my your love for her. if she is so lazy and un-motivated to see that you are in pain over her actions maybe you should make it crystal clear to her how you feel and what will happen if she does not change. maybe that will motivate her
 
1 - 20 of 116 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top