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I have been reading a lot off the post here. Tha main theme is that we all want that same sexlife we had when we got married. Why does it lessen, kids, stres, work time. Its not that we dont want sex. We all want that hormone driven sexlife. Is that not the reason people have affairs. They like the butterflies. The attention. But in reality life gets in the way and those things fade. Wouldend it be amazing if that emotions or lus stayed and die not fade.
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While i may want the same sex life I had when we first married, I am not physically capable of it anymore! The stress of work (leave house 6 AM, come home 7 PM) does take it's toll!

I disagree to a point about affairs and sex. I think for men it's about attention AND sex. For women I think that it's primarily about the attention and the sex is what keeps the attention on them that they crave.

My attention to my wife didn't really fade at all. Just her response to it. All the hand-holding, kisses and gestures while nice and meaningful to both of us seems to be all she needs. Not me.
 

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Why sex stops is a variety of reasons. I think the most common reasons are bait and switch, as well as stresses and hormonal changes that come into play that weren't there in the beginning (financial stress, children, baby blues, longer work hours, etc.)

As for affairs, I'd wager most affairs aren't due to purely sex. Rather, I think they stem from having someone to talk to as a friend that slowly grows into much more than a friend and eventually sex. Toffer said it as well, it's about attention and sex. When your wife is ignoring you to watch TV all night but the cute blonde at work is actually interested in how your day is going and laughs at your jokes, over time that can cause resentment from you towards the wife and a closer connection towards the co-worker. It started innocently enough (we've all heard that line before) but as a bond forms between two people from opposite sexes, it's just natural that the element of sex at the very least starts to get mulled over in your head, especially if you're unhappy with what is at home. Some people elect to explore that option, some don't, but I don't think it's just a pure sex thing for either men or women.
 

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Ya Know I have thought about this concept for awhile. It would never work out . If there were no kids involved. Marriage sould be set up for a term. Like a 5 yr. contract and at the end you renew or depart.
This would keep sex alive.If one person is getting tired of the other. or someone is not keeping you happy. The end would be near.I situlation I have a wife who has no need for sex,affection, kissing, Romance,But she loves me to death.I need all that I don't get from her.Sex is not something that I can't have from her.She will give it up.But she is not into it.Their is no lust,no passion,She is just not Horny.She really could careless. But she is a wonderful person and I loveher alot.She was very different when she was younger.And now at 55 yrs old she makes love like a 85 yr. women.She is very nice looking, But she just has no desire for sex.Ya it hurts me,Pisses me off.But is it a deal breacker not yet.
 

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Ya Know I have thought about this concept for awhile. It would never work out . If there were no kids involved. Marriage sould be set up for a term. Like a 5 yr. contract and at the end you renew or depart.
This would keep sex alive.If one person is getting tired of the other. or someone is not keeping you happy. The end would be near.I situlation I have a wife who has no need for sex,affection, kissing, Romance,But she loves me to death.I need all that I don't get from her.Sex is not something that I can't have from her.She will give it up.But she is not into it.Their is no lust,no passion,She is just not Horny.She really could careless. But she is a wonderful person and I loveher alot.She was very different when she was younger.And now at 55 yrs old she makes love like a 85 yr. women.She is very nice looking, But she just has no desire for sex.Ya it hurts me,Pisses me off.But is it a deal breacker not yet.
Sounds like living with your mother (minus the "duty sex")
 

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I guess it is different for everyone. For some people, it's a change in priorities. For instance, my W has focused entirely on being a mother and doesn't believe she has enough in her to be a wife, also.
 

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Ya Know I have thought about this concept for awhile. It would never work out . If there were no kids involved. Marriage sould be set up for a term. Like a 5 yr. contract and at the end you renew or depart.
This would keep sex alive.If one person is getting tired of the other. or someone is not keeping you happy. The end would be near.I situlation I have a wife who has no need for sex,affection, kissing, Romance,But she loves me to death.I need all that I don't get from her.Sex is not something that I can't have from her.She will give it up.But she is not into it.Their is no lust,no passion,She is just not Horny.She really could careless. But she is a wonderful person and I loveher alot.She was very different when she was younger.And now at 55 yrs old she makes love like a 85 yr. women.She is very nice looking, But she just has no desire for sex.Ya it hurts me,Pisses me off.But is it a deal breacker not yet.
I like the idea of a term marriage (ie... term life insurance). At the end of the 5 or 10 year term, we can renegociate the policy. If both don't agree, we don't have to sign for anoter 5 years.

Even with kids, it could work. The contract would be longer though. When the last child is 18, the contract has to be renegociated. That seems like it happens anyway. If we knew the "contract" was up soon, we would have time to fix the relationship or at least plan a future without each other.
 

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Toper and Kingsfan said it best. It's more about the attention from somebody else which is more than what we get from home. Sex is a close second. I don't want the "duty" sex. For the first time, I turned down sex last night because it seemed like it was a job she wanted to hurry up and get it over with. I think she was happy that I said no. Go figure!
 

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For instance, my W has focused entirely on being a mother and doesn't believe she has enough in her to be a wife, also.
This is something I don't think I'll ever understand for as long as I'm not married.
Unless you're the same guy she married then I see no reason why you should be the last on her list.
If you respect, love and treat her right then she has no excuse to keep sex from you.
I'm not a mother yet but I don't see why the kids should be more important than the partner. Without the partner, those kids wouldn't be there at all.
 

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This is something I don't think I'll ever understand for as long as I'm not married.
Unless you're the same guy she married then I see no reason why you should be the last on her list.
If you respect, love and treat her right then she has no excuse to keep sex from you.
I'm not a mother yet but I don't see why the kids should be more important than the partner. Without the partner, those kids wouldn't be there at all.
She blames it on the hormones from breastfeeding and fatigue. I guess I understand a lesser frequency, but I don't buy it that it would explain being sexless for not months, but 2 years.
 

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She blames it on the hormones from breastfeeding and fatigue. I guess I understand a lesser frequency, but I don't buy it that it would explain being sexless for not months, but 2 years.
Becuase it doesn't. There's another reason... hopefully not that she just isn't into you anymore but that's possible. I think it's going to come time for an ultimatum from you; let's fix this problem or I'm outta here.
 
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This is something I don't think I'll ever understand for as long as I'm not married.
Unless you're the same guy she married then I see no reason why you should be the last on her list.
If you respect, love and treat her right then she has no excuse to keep sex from you.
I'm not a mother yet but I don't see why the kids should be more important than the partner. Without the partner, those kids wouldn't be there at all.
After ourDaughter was born, My wife didn't want, need, desire or care to have sex for longer than I care to say. Not that it was a lot to begin with. It's like it was my fault she had post pardon for a couple of years. Even now with or now 9 year old, she seems to come first. She still will lay down next to her until our daughter falls asleep. My wife usually ALWAYS falls asleep too and I wait and wait and wait then she is too tired for sex and I am tired of just waiting for her.
 

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Ours slowed when my ex lied to me and decided to bring her daughter to live with us when she told me she wouldn't.

It wasn't so much that she was living with us. It was the fact that the dynamics of the relationship changed. It was an issue for me before we got married and I told her that before we got married. She assured me it wouldn't happen.

After all, her daughter had a decent job and could have moved in with her good friend. They had the same lifestyles and they could have shared expenses. I often wonder if this was just a way for my ex's daughter to drive a wedge between us. She always seemed to talk about her dad. I think, even at nineteen, she wished her mom and dad would get back together.

She ended up staying for a number of years and her lifestyle always created conflict in our early marriage. Staying out till 2 am or later made my wife cry. I could not comfort her well enough and her daughter wouldn't hear anything I said to her.

It was the beginning of the end, in my mind. I'm sure there are many opinions as there are people.

I used to say, "Opinions are like a**holes. Everyone's got one."
 

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throwing this out there,
but decrease in sexual desire is not always the problem, it is often the symptom of another problem. Like lack of communication, lack of closeness, unspoken resentment, neglect.
 

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She blames it on the hormones from breastfeeding and fatigue. I guess I understand a lesser frequency, but I don't buy it that it would explain being sexless for not months, but 2 years.
Lies!
During the first months after pregnancy because of the breastfeeding and fatigue the frequency falls..that's true. [I have read tons of info about that out of curiosity] but 2 years ??
She's abusing with the "breastfeedingness".
It's ridiculous and it's offensive how she thinks you can buy such crap.
 

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After ourDaughter was born, My wife didn't want, need, desire or care to have sex for longer than I care to say. Not that it was a lot to begin with. It's like it was my fault she had post pardon for a couple of years. Even now with or now 9 year old, she seems to come first. She still will lay down next to her until our daughter falls asleep. My wife usually ALWAYS falls asleep too and I wait and wait and wait then she is too tired for sex and I am tired of just waiting for her.
That's the problem. You wait and wait and wait and do nothing about it.
Also, sleeping next to the 9 year old daughter? How do you tolerate it?
The kiddie should learn to sleep alone!
She's ruining your intimacy.
 

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OT: lovelygirl, is this shaggy that you quote in your signature the same shaggy that sang the song, It Wasn't Me?
lol. No, it's not the singer.
It's a member on the forum.
 
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