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No porn. If that was the case I would at least have an answer.
Sorry to be so blunt, but this is an add to the information file, if you will....

Does he masturbate at all?
If he doesn't, to check on the depths of the ED, would you encourage him to try it, and see if he gets erect?

Sorry again, to be so blunt, a bit crass perhaps.

But the test may yield good info. Or if you've already tried, never mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
No we haven't talked recently. This has been an on-going issue but it's making me sadder.

@Ragnar Ragnasson No he doesn't masturbate. I have asked about it in the past & he said no. I asked him to try in front of me. He did. Nothing happened. One of the last times we discussed this, he was in tears frustrated because he . . . couldn't.

I know that he will probably never be able to achieve an erection. I'm trying to be OK with that. My frustration is that he won't do anything else.
 

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No we haven't talked recently. This has been an on-going issue but it's making me sadder.

@Ragnar Ragnasson No he doesn't masturbate. I have asked about it in the past & he said no. I asked him to try in front of me. He did. Nothing happened. One of the last times we discussed this, he was in tears frustrated because he . . . couldn't.

I know that he will probably never be able to achieve an erection. I'm trying to be OK with that. My frustration is that he won't do anything else.
I suffered from ED sometimes as aged and the humiliation is horrible. The mental reenforces the prpblem. Thinking "here is a beautiful woman next to me and cant respond." Resolved to leave no stone unturned. GP said T was normal FOR MY AGE. Urologist put me in TRT and problem solved.

As far as using mouth and hands, can't imagine why your husband won't cuz I sure have. In my case, wife fine with those for foreplay but wants the real deal during encounter.

Wish knew how to prompt him to see Doctor and address the mental issues, which suspect issin isdue
 

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No we haven't talked recently. This has been an on-going issue but it's making me sadder.

@Ragnar Ragnasson No he doesn't masturbate. I have asked about it in the past & he said no. I asked him to try in front of me. He did. Nothing happened. One of the last times we discussed this, he was in tears frustrated because he . . . couldn't.

I know that he will probably never be able to achieve an erection. I'm trying to be OK with that. My frustration is that he won't do anything else.
That's a really tough spot. There is much more mainstream discussions on other options, maybe something will keep him looking. It really sounds like you're doing as much as possible to be supportive. Persistence as you already know is what's left.

Kudos for hanging with it. Surely he's gone to vascular Drs, others?
 

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No we haven't talked recently. This has been an on-going issue but it's making me sadder.

@Ragnar Ragnasson No he doesn't masturbate. I have asked about it in the past & he said no. I asked him to try in front of me. He did. Nothing happened. One of the last times we discussed this, he was in tears frustrated because he . . . couldn't.

I know that he will probably never be able to achieve an erection. I'm trying to be OK with that. My frustration is that he won't do anything else.
Have you ever specifically told him you need INTIMACY and not necessarily sex...? If you did, what was his response?

I understand that he might have cringed away from any discussion about this, but you still need to be willing to make yourself and him uncomfortable (as gently as possible) in order to resolve this situation with him. You have a need for connection with him, and HE actually has that need as well (even if he is afraid to admit it), and most importantly, YOUR MARRIAGE needs the intimacy that sexual contact (not necessarily PIV) brings.

Another thing you could try would be to WRITE him a note about your feelings and needs to be intimate with him, and include some ideas that you could both try together to help you feel sexual and sexually close that don't include PIV.
Reading might be much less intimidating for him than an actual discussion, and he will have the chance to read everything you want to say before he responds.

I don't believe you should let this go at all. It may take more effort on your part, but it's worth it to find a way to meet your sexual needs with him. Your marriage depends on it.
 

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I am in a long term sexless marriage (26 years) and my wife and I have visited a number of therapists without any luck. I can't perform sexually within a serious relationship due to childhood abuse which causes severe intimacy anxiety which means I am unable to get an erection or ejaculate. I am lucky my wife has accepted our situation and other than the sex the marriage is fine. Just keep in mind that without being able to have intercourse or have an orgasm makes sex stressful and unpleasant and in some cases no amount of therapy can help a situation like ours.
 
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