[Jellybeans]

Well....not stupid, but...

I have noticed that if I am attracted to someone (in "that way" - crush, sexual, etc), I tend to be less like myself. Or rather, I am more mindful of what I say and do and well, I don't like it. I feel like I turn into someone else who is more... cautious. Don't like it. Besides, I'm analytical by nature. (It's annoying).

If I am around someone I have no attraction to (in "that way"), I am more of myself, not as vulnerable and will tell someone off that needs telling off. I can be Me.

WHY is that? Does this happen to you? I really need to get this in check. Tips?

Also, sometimes I find myself closing myself off to people. Maybe it's a defense thing or I am emotionally unavailable, I don't know. But it has happened to me before where I've developed a crush/liking for someone and then started to distance myself from them and act all "weird."

Eh. I am a strange bird. Advice?

When Mr. I'm BFF's with my Ex-Girlfriend Guy broke it off with me citing the "distance" I told him "I think that is an excellent idea." He seemed perplexed and confused that I wasn't upset. I am ever the cool cucumber. "Wow. You are really good at this." I think he expected me to beg? I don't know. I have this almost magical ability of cutting people out of my life.

Anyway I was just mulling all of this over in my head.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

I don't become someone different but I do become more accommodating to their needs/wants, but this isn't misleading because that IS the way I am in a relationship. And I'm not immune to the 'fog' as you guys put it.

But I do tend to be analytical and introspective. I definitely over-think/read too much into things. My BFF keeps me in line while I'm in that phase.

 

[nice777guy]

Could it just be a good old-fashioned case of the butterflies?

 

[ScarletBegonias]

Defense mechanisms make us do strange things when we really like someone

We don't want them to know we like them because what if they think we like them TOO much and they either run or take advantage of us?

I'm pretty much the same person nowadays with no regard to whether or not someone thinks I like them too much or whatever.

But I do notice my voice gets higher,I laugh at dumb sh*t that isn't funny,and I feel the need to fill silence with witty banter.

UGH! LOL

In reality,I love silence,laugh at only the truly funny moments,and my voice is feminine but hoarse.
so weird this whole attraction nonsense!

 

[canttrustu]

JB, get the answer to this and you could cut infidelity rates exponentially!!!!!!!!!!

 

[CandieGirl]

Eh. I am a strange bird. Advice?

When Mr. I'm BFF's with my Ex-Girlfriend Guy broke it off with me citing the "distance" I told him "I think that is an excellent idea." He seemed perplexed and confused that I wasn't upset. I am ever the cool cucumber. "Wow. You are really good at this." I think he expected me to beg? I don't know. I have this almost magical ability of cutting people out of my life.

Beg! Now that's funny, and I know exactly what you mean...I remember your threads RE: Mr. BFFWMEG; honestly, he sounded WAY too full of himself to be worthy of your attention. His reaction to the 'break up' cements my opinion of that! LMAO!

If only more women (sorry, but more women, it seems, tend to cling to men they don't NEED and shouldn't bother with) had your attitude of cutting people out, the world (for those women) would be a much happier place.

In my experience, I would get giddy (silly) when meeting someone new...but it's been a long time since I minded my manners or anything like that. By the time I started dating my husband, I had just turned 40, and I'd reached the point in my life where it was 'WYSIWYG'. What you see is what you get. I'd been through about 3 or 4 "...Phuck this!" experiences just before him, and had my head screwed on the right way. For once!

 

[ScarletBegonias]

If only more women (sorry, but more women, it seems, tend to cling to men they don't NEED and shouldn't bother with) had your attitude of cutting people out, the world (for those women) would be a much happier place.

:iagree:

I admire a woman who can decisively cut someone out of her life without a backward glance because she KNOWS without a doubt it's best for her mental health.

 

[In_The_Wind]

chemical attraction or fog I guess

 

[Mavash.]

OMG JB that is so ME. Well not now but the old version of me before 4 years of therapy. LOL

Old me: CPA (analytical), emotionally detached, not vulnerable, could cut people off easily, cautious when it was someone I liked, etc.

New me: Emotional, vulnerable, approachable, open, risk taker with people, willing to be hurt, etc.

No way I can explain how I overcame this in one post but at the core of this is fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt, fear you won't be able to handle it, etc.

So what you do is you retreat to where it's 'safe'. Yes that works but it also stops you from living your life to the fullest and from feeling love from people. You can't be safe and love/feel love at the same time. It's impossible. Love is risky, it's scary but it's also wonderful and awesome!! It's like bungee jumping you have to leap trusting that no matter what happens you will be fine. Loving someone openly won't kill you even though you think it might.

You've also lost touch with what makes you feminine. Men love vulnerability. It fascinates and enchants them. You can be strong and emotionally available at the same time. It's called 'boundaries'. Once you realize this you'll let down your guard and you will have the ability to love everyone even those you regard as 'special'.

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

I read that narcissists have higher testosterone levels and that's why they're considered to be more attractive. In a case like that, ignoring the research can be ill advised, not sure if I'd say stupid.

At some point, you have to censor what you want in your life, and what you don't, in order to have the sort of life that you envision. Some people do this naturally, others have to work at it.

 

[nice777guy]

I'm sticking with butterflies!

 

[that_girl]

Fear of rejection.

More aware of their presence.

It's just ridiculous, isn't it??

 

[YupItsMe]

Bad guesses

1. Embarrassment for not having the same level of self control?
2. Fear of being figured out for anxious thoughts
3. Your gonads have an amazing sense of humor
4. Its naughty to think naughty and its supposed to be a secret but is too obvious to hide
5. Heightened sense of ... well lets just say things heighten LOL
6. Tingles tickle

I get giddy around hotness and I am otherwise quite composed. I dont car to hide it any more. Its a fun aspect of being a semi mature adult

 

[Jellybeans]

:iagree:

I admire a woman who can decisively cut someone out of her life without a backward glance because she KNOWS without a doubt it's best for her mental health.

Well, that is me. Lol. I don't have time for waffling or clinging or anything like that. I think it's a waste of time. Sometimes I don't know if this magical ability I have is a gift or a curse because I am serious when I say I can cut things off like a precision doctor with a knife.

You've also lost touch with what makes you feminine.

I don't think that's it s ince I consider myself very feminine. I do think though that I have a wall up since my separation/divorce but that is normal. Time is what I need. I am smart enough to know to not get involved with anyone before I feel ready.

Congrats to you for wading through all of that stuff. It's good to hear that therapy helped you.

It's just ridiculous, isn't it??

Yes, it is!

3. Your gonads have an amazing sense of humor

4. Its naughty to think naughty and its supposed to be a secret but is too obvious to hide

I get giddy around hotness and I am otherwise quite composed. I dont car to hide it any more. Its a fun aspect of being a semi mature adult

:iagree:

 

[Jellybeans]

I don't become someone different but I do become more accommodating to their needs/wants

But I do tend to be analytical and introspective. I definitely over-think/read too much into things. My BFF keeps me in line while I'm in that phase.

This is me. Including the part about having a BFF who talks me down from my over-analyzations. Lol.

But I do notice my voice gets higher,I laugh at dumb sh*t that isn't funny,and I feel the need to fill silence with witty banter.

:rofl: Love it.

 

[vi_bride04]

:iagree:

I admire a woman who can decisively cut someone out of her life without a backward glance because she KNOWS without a doubt it's best for her mental health.

Thanks for the admiration

Sometimes it takes a few times of screwing with my emotions but once I am done with someone due to their toxicity, I am done. Boom. Gone. Out. Finished. I have no problem cutting people out of my life.

But then I wonder if I am just a cold hearted b!tch sometimes.....

I do have lifelong very close friends so I guess I'm not that cold hearted. Maybe just b/c it has mainly been my family I have cut out and the guilt gets to me sometimes...

 

[vi_bride04]

Great thread, btw, Jelly...

 

[Jellybeans]

Sometimes it takes a few times of screwing with my emotions but once I am done with someone due to their toxicity, I am done. Boom. Gone. Out. Finished. I have no problem cutting people out of my life.

But then I wonder if I am just a cold hearted b!tch sometimes.....

I do have lifelong very close friends so I guess I'm not that cold hearted.

Me, to a tee, minus the family thing. I am pretty close w/ my family. But def w/ past romantic relationships, I can cut them out sword-like.

 

[thunderstruck]

I have noticed that if I am attracted to someone (in "that way" - crush, sxual, etc), I tend to be less like myself. Or rather, I am more mindful of what I say and do and well, I don't like it. I feel like I turn into someone else who is more... cautious.

Ah, this explains why you get so silly when you reply to my posts here.:woohoo:

 

[Almostrecovered]

Garsh!!