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Are you choosing really hot women or the girl next door.

I would think red flags are:
1. The person believes they perfection incarnate.
2. They complain about others for any reason.
3. they're not self aware about their shortcomings.
 

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Nope, If I make a mistake or do something wrong I can take my lumps and still be glad to apologize.
But when the mouth goes from zero to 100 in 3 seconds over something really small or even fabricated, the problem is not me. This type of lashing out is dysfunction 101.
You can’t expect someone to be perfect all the time. If this is a once in a while thing, it’s not that big of a deal,
 

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I appreciate this topic. I am definitely a women that has tone issues. It’s difficult to control. My mom is the same way. It’s not all the time, but when I’m really stressed.
Unfortunately even when I try it still comes out. It’s something my partner is going to have to live with. Everyone has something I suppose.
 

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Some people are just freaking rude, they think they can communicate in rude ways and that it won't have an effect on their relationships.

Let her see the natural consequences of being a rude person.

Let the relationship go.

This is her innate personality. If she wanted to change it, she would have by now.
True. My hubby is a rude person and he expects me ta be OK with it. “Oh you know that’s how I am, You know I love you.”. They don’t know that comes a moment when you are tired and sick of their behavior. I have told him, my peace of mind is more important than anything else in a relationship. He doesn’t get it, he will never will. He will never change .
 

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Sometimes I have my moments when my tone isn’t that nice. It happens. Doesn’t make me a bad person, and I wouldn’t call it verbal abuse.
Sounds like your a little sensitive.
"you are too sensititve" - If I hear that from potential partner in the future, I am out. I have heard enough of that. Maybe you are not sensitive enough.
 

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You can’t expect someone to be perfect all the time. If this is a once in a while thing, it’s not that big of a deal,
The one on the receiving end is the one who can tell you if this is big deal or not. It usually not a big deal for the one who does it. They yell a little, and then they fine.The partners gets the emotional bruises.
 

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"you are too sensititve" - If I hear that from potential partner in the future, I am out. I have heard enough of that. Maybe you are not sensitive enough.
Maybe.

All I know is that what I want to get across is never malicious or ill willed. I don’t mean to be rude and I don’t notice it when I do it. It’s just frustrating when it’s always picked apart and made a really big deal. To me, it’s making a mole hill into a mountain. Especially if the person knows my intent. I am not excusing my behavior. But sometimes things just need to be dropped. Especially if someone is super stressed or had a really bad day.

If people are constantly doing this I agree that’s a big deal.

People end relationships with people over many things. If this is something that is a deal breaker to the OP, then I get it. But not everyone is perfect.
 

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The one on the receiving end is the one who can tell you if this is big deal or not. It usually not a big deal for the one who does it. They yell a little, and then they fine.The partners gets the emotional bruises.
I just think it’s crazy to say emotional abuses if someone says don’t wash my windows!!

I get it, if it happens all the time it can be demoralizing. But to say verbal abuse is a little extra to me.
When someone has a tone with me, I think to myself wow they must be really stressed out, or this must mean a lot to them. I never think it’s about me, and I’m a victim of excited speech.
 

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Maybe.

All I know is that what I want to get across is never malicious or ill willed. I don’t mean to be rude and I don’t notice it when I do it. It’s just frustrating when it’s always picked apart and made a really big deal. To me, it’s making a mole hill into a mountain. Especially if the person knows my intent. I am not excusing my behavior. But sometimes things just need to be dropped. Especially if someone is super stressed or had a really bad day.

If people are constantly doing this I agree that’s a big deal.

People end relationships with people over many things. If this is something that is a deal breaker to the OP, then I get it. But not everyone is perfect.
It is not made into big deal, apparently it was a big deal for whoever is on the receiving end of your not malicious outrage. It looks like you are not respecting another person feelings, and how you make them feel. Not enough to try to change it. You'd rather keep excusing it.

Do you like when someone else lashes out at you? How does that make you feel? loved? respected? or bullied? hurt?

It's one thing when your co-worker does it, another when it is someone who says they love you. You are supposed to feel comfortable and safe with that person.
 

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It is not made into big deal, apparently it was a big deal for whoever is on the receiving end of your not malicious outrage. It looks like you are not respecting another person feelings, and how you make them feel. Not enough to try to change it. You'd rather keep excusing it.

Do you like when someone else lashes out at you? How does that make you feel? loved? respected? or bullied? hurt?

It's one thing when your co-worker does it, another when it is someone who says they love you. You are supposed to feel comfortable and safe with that person.
I don’t think saying don’t wash my windows is lashing out. That’s a stretch. Again this is my personal opinion. I try my best to deliver my message nicely, and it doesn’t happen all the time. I’m not perfect.
 

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I don’t think saying don’t wash my windows is lashing out. That’s a stretch. Again this is my personal opinion. I try my best to deliver my message nicely, and it doesn’t happen all the time. I’m not perfect.
"Don't wash my windows" is not what we are discussing on this forum. We are discussing husbands/wives/partners lashing out at their partners, not "once in a while", but as basically way of communications. It creates misery, and kills love. ends in divorce.

I am not sure why are you triggered by this. Getting pissed off at something and raising voice when you have a reason, is one thing. Making your partner your punching bag is a problem.
 

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"Don't wash my windows" is not what we are discussing on this forum. We are discussing husbands/wives/partners lashing out at their partners, not "once in a while", but as basically way of communications. It creates misery, and kills love. ends in divorce.

I am not sure why are you triggered by this. Getting pissed off at something and raising voice when you have a reason, is one thing. Making your partner your punching bag is a problem.
I understand what your saying. And I 100% agree with you, you never want to make your partner a punching bag. I just didn’t think the OPs examples were worthy of calling it verbal abuse.

I am triggered by this because I have tone problems every once in a while, and I am made to feel like a murderer when my tone isn’t just right. And I think some things should be looked the other way. Especially when someone is stressed out or having a bad day. Not everything we do needs to be picked apart and talked about, It creates a toxic environment. Then a tit for tat.

I find it hard to believe that the OP is always getting verbally abused by all his x girlfriends and now current girlfriend.
 

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I understand what your saying. And I 100% agree with you, you never want to make your partner a punching bag. I just didn’t think the OPs examples were worthy of calling it verbal abuse.

I am triggered by this because I have tone problems every once in a while, and I am made to feel like a murderer when my tone isn’t just right. And I think some things should be looked the other way. Especially when someone is stressed out or having a bad day. Not everything we do needs to be picked apart and talked about, It creates a toxic environment. Then a tit for tat.

I find it hard to believe that the OP is always getting verbally abused by all his x girlfriends and now current girlfriend.
As I thought, we are not that far apart.

It is not neccessary abuse what he experience, but he has every right not to accept that kind of behavior. The way these women talk to him shows that they think this is ok. I am triggered by this, because I had 23 years of dealing with someone who thinks barking and yelling at me was ok. I am divorcing now, and believe me - NEVER AGAIN I will accept that again. You like barking, maybe you are fine person, but not for me.
 

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Sometimes I have my moments when my tone isn’t that nice. It happens. Doesn’t make me a bad person, and I wouldn’t call it verbal abuse.
Sounds like your a little sensitive.
Many of us have this problem.
With our tone, with others seemingly, moaning tone.

It happens....,After becoming frustrated with another person, we seem only to hear the tone and not the words.
When first married your SO hangs on to every one of your words.

After some years, the words are memorized and the tone, that drone is all that is musically noted.
 
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Nope, If I make a mistake or do something wrong I can take my lumps and still be glad to apologize.
But when the mouth goes from zero to 100 in 3 seconds over something really small or even fabricated, the problem is not me. This type of lashing out is dysfunction 101.
Your marriage is another compatibility casualty.
So damn many are.
 
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Many of us have this problem.
With our tone, with others seemingly, moaning tone.

It happens....,After becoming frustrated with another person, we seem only to hear the tone and not the words.
When first married your SO hangs on to every one of your words.

After some years, the words are memorized and the tone, that drone is all that is musically noted.
sounds like you minimizing the issue
 

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As I thought, we are not that far apart.

It is not neccessary abuse what he experience, but he has every right not to accept that kind of behavior. The way these women talk to him shows that they think this is ok. I am triggered by this, because I had 23 years of dealing with someone who thinks barking and yelling at me was ok. I am divorcing now, and believe me - NEVER AGAIN I will accept that again. You like barking, maybe you are fine person, but not for me.
When humans bark, it shows them having a (little dogs) hair trigger.
With them having a wild hair, up....somewhere smelly.

Life and its stresses has them down and they share that down-falling with you.
Common, easy to see, but why tolerate it, life is too short.
 
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sounds like you minimizing the issue
Aaap, no you don't!
Ain't the case.
Nope.

Issues can be discussed much easier from the sidelines.

Yet, I am in the barbers seat on this issue and can still, rationally, understand things......that are emotionally charged.

Understanding and accepting and liking are three different things.

I do understand, I accept that which I cannot change.
Nope, don't like it.


THRD-
 
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Yet, I am in the barbers seat on this issue and can still, rationally, understand things......that are emotionally charged.

Understanding and accepting and liking are three different things.

I do understand, I accept that which I cannot change.
Nope, don't like it.


THRD-
Oh, I understand it all completely. Not accepting anymore. Because it was emotionally charged.
 
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