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Discussion Starter #1
Starting with my x wife and most of the women I’ve dated at some point ( I’m about to end a 1yr relationship)
Think they can blame me for something then fly off the handle and think I’m going to put up with it .This has happened on several occasions. Lashing out for no good reason.
Is every woman like this ?
Is this what happens when the “crazy starts to leak out of the box “
I’m really disappointed, sad , hurt ,
Even a little mad. I thought I found the woman of my dreams.
Now a whole year wasted. Life is short.
Is there a good stable woman out there ? I’m at a loss.
 

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Sure, there are plenty of stable women out there. And I'm speaking as a woman myself. But it sounds like this keeps happening to you. Could you be more specific about what they blame you for? The reason I ask, is there may be something you are contributing that starts the "crazy." I mean, you can't be 100% the hapless victim. Especially when this keeps happening to you.

Could you elaborate a bit?
 

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If you date a woman and she turns out to be an asshole then move on and forget her.
However if “Most” women you dated turned out to be assholes then a period of self reflection is in order I think.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Sure, there are plenty of stable women out there. And I'm speaking as a woman myself. But it sounds like this keeps happening to you. Could you be more specific about what they blame you for? The reason I ask, is there may be something you are contributing that starts the "crazy." I mean, you can't be 100% the hapless victim. Especially when this keeps happening to you.

Could you elaborate a bit?
I’m the first to admit I’m not perfect. I have a laid back personality and usually very slow to anger.
To give an example- last week we were on a trip and we stopped for gas ( her vehicle)
Mine was in the shop for a recalled part. She clearly saw me heading to the windshield with the station squeegee to clean it and as soon as I started she went ballistic yelling she never wants it cleaned at the stations because one time she got an oily film. I kept my cool and said wow I had no idea.
 

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I had a male friend who consistently dated much younger, super flaky, not super bright, never-really-employed, high maintenance, women who were invariably both super hot and super b*tchy. Then he would complain that there were no nice, smart, successful women out there who wanted to settle down and have a family. He couldn't see that he was espousing a desire for one thing, but actively pursuing women who were something else entirely.

OP, everyone runs into a few crazy people when they're dating. The usual thing to do is think to yourself, "Damn, that's nuts! No thanks!" then move on without looking back. But if every woman you get into a relationship with turns out to be "crazy" then it's probably time to examine yourself and how you're choosing women. Are you maybe ignoring madly waving bright red flags early on in your relationships because you're too needy, can't stand being alone, are attracted to drama, think you can save/change them, or some other reason? Alternately, is it possible that your own life experiences have left you overly reactive to anything resembling conflict when it comes from a relationship partner?

There are plenty of very nice, not verbally abusive, women out there. Just as there are plenty of very nice, not abusive, men in the dating world. But to find a good partner, you have to be:
  • really looking for a good partner
  • ready and able to be a good partner
  • actively saying "no" to the ones who aren't right for you.
 

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She clearly saw me heading to the windshield with the station squeegee to clean it and as soon as I started she went ballistic yelling she never wants it cleaned at the stations because one time she got an oily film. I kept my cool and said wow I had no idea.
If this woman goes berserk over you attempting to clean her car windshield, I'm going to assume she has exhibited this behavior on more than one occasion. I also get the feeling that you might be too passive and laid back. And it really does sound like your "picker" is broken. Could it be that red flags are waving in your face but you tend to ignore them?
 

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They do it because they know you will take it. It starts irritating the hell out of them once they learn they can’t depend on you to be a leader and someone who takes control. They realize they are the ones who have to be responsible for everything and then the *****ing starts. It can be about anything and even seem unreasonable... but the fact is that she has learned your Not going to step up and be ...... a man.

Sh!t testing .... you failed
 

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Discussion Starter #11
They do it because they know you will take it. It starts irritating the hell out of them once they learn they can’t depend on you to be a leader and someone who takes control. They realize they are the ones who have to be responsible for everything and then the *****ing starts. It can be about anything and even seem unreasonable... but the fact is that she has learned your Not going to step up and be ...... a man.

Sh!t testing .... you failed
I’ve not let anything slide.
I chose not to escalate the situation. But just looked at her and asked who are you mad at ? after it happens.
What bothers me is she didn’t do this for the first 6 months.
I’m easy to get along with but don’t take sh*+ from anyone.
I think it’s about control.
From having lack of control in the past.
 

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OP, many people can hide who they really are for the first few months. Dating is so you can get to know them well enough, and for long enough, that you see the reality.

You've said this relationship has lasted over a year. Then you mentioned she wasn't like this for the first 6 months. Which means she has been like this for the last 6+ months. The problem is not that she's like this. The problem is really that you've let this go on for 6 months longer than it should have.

Why? Have you been hoping that she'd change, that your love would fix her?

Work on your picker. And on how to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
 

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she didn’t do this for the first 6 months.
But, rest assured, her logic will follow the "...beatings will continue until morale improves..." philosophy. She has shown you who she is.....self-justified....

The problem is really that you've let this go on for 6 months longer than it should have.
Dump her a$$ like a used Kleenex. Change your picker, and pick someone who is morally upright, and who is not a selfish, self-aggrandizing tyrant next time. Screw her, and the horse she rode in on.

I think it’s about control.
You are 100% right.

How did your mother treat your dad ?
 

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Discussion Starter #16
OP, many people can hide who they really are for the first few months. Dating is so you can get to know them well enough, and for long enough, that you see the reality.

You've said this relationship has lasted over a year. Then you mentioned she wasn't like this for the first 6 months. Which means she has been like this for the last 6+ months. The problem is not that she's like this. The problem is really that you've let this go on for 6 months longer than it should have.

Why? Have you been hoping that she'd change, that your love would fix her?

Work on your picker. And on how to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
I saw a couple of signs at the 6 month point and addressed them, she apologized then. But this recent attitude came out of left field and she now makes excuses and tries to blame me.
I told her before we dated I expected mutual respect and nothing less.
 

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this recent attitude came out of left field and she now makes excuses and tries to blame me.
Dump her like radioactive waste. She is (1) disrespectful, (2) tries to make excuses for her behavior, and (3) turns it around on you. Strike three, you're out.
 

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@Lake life ,

Maybe I'm missing something here. You are dating this woman--not committed and not married. Yeah, it's been a year, but starting at 6 months she showed some signs, you addressed it, she continued/continues to this day. Dude, the whole point of dating is to see if she's marriage material. She "ain't" marriage material. Pull up your big boy pants and tell her that you told her to expected mutual respect, you are not receiving mutual respect, therefore you choose to end this relationship. The end.

You had a question ("Is she marriage material?")
You got an answer ("No, she is not.")

It's over.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
@Lake life ,

Maybe I'm missing something here. You are dating this woman--not committed and not married. Yeah, it's been a year, but starting at 6 months she showed some signs, you addressed it, she continued/continues to this day. Dude, the whole point of dating is to see if she's marriage material. She "ain't" marriage material. Pull up your big boy pants and tell her that you told her to expected mutual respect, you are not receiving mutual respect, therefore you choose to end this relationship. The end.

You had a question ("Is she marriage material?")
You got an answer ("No, she is not.")

It's over.
She knows she’s on thin ice.
I’ve given myself time to settle down so that I’m not angry or upset when making my final decision.
 
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