[DTO]

Sexual repression is still alive and well.

This. My ex expected us to progess beyond not being bothered for sex, to my acceptance of the situation leading to sex becoming a non-issue.

Masturbating was a clear sign that wasn't happening, which pissed her off since the lack of sex impacted how I viewed her.

 

[UpsideDownWorld11]

Back to topic, is it really common to masturbate in front of your spouse? Not like mid-session, but randomly during the day.

I’m not judging, just wondering if that’s something a lot of couples to do.

I think it's weird tbh.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

I think it's weird tbh.

maybe during foreplay? Who knows. Everyone is different. What works for one couple won't for another.

 

[EleGirl]

Not all women do this. I'm not even sure that most women do.

Some men do shame their wife if they catch her masturbating. We've had men post here very upset about catching their wife masturbating.

To me the issue is if it's interfering with your sex life, then it's a problem. Otherwise, I don't get it.

 

[Philip P.]

I’ve been lucky I guess. Masturbation has never been much of an issue as we got older. We still have a great sex life and my wife was even willing to incorporate some sex toys. My interest in masturbation really diminished as our marriage went on. Probably has to do with having an empty nest and still being on the young side, since we have more alone time now. I won’t do it in front of her if I had the urge but you know, if she asked me to never do it I might take her up in it since we still do have pretty active intimacy. Everyone is different.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

Not all women do this. I'm not even sure that most women do.

Some men do shame their wife if they catch her masturbating. We've had men post here very upset about catching their wife masturbating.

To me the issue is if it's interfering with your sex life, then it's a problem. Otherwise, I don't get it.

I’d love to be awakened by the soft whirring noise of a vibrator being enjoyed.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

I’ve been lucky I guess. Masturbation has never been much of an issue as we got older. We still have a great sex life and my wife was even willing to incorporate some sex toys. My interest in masturbation really diminished as our marriage went on. Probably has to do with having an empty nest and still being on the young side, since we have more alone time now. I won’t do it in front of her if I had the urge but you know, if she asked me to never do it I might take her up in it since we still do have pretty active intimacy. Everyone is different.

Much less at 61 than at 16. There are moments when someone is “too tired” or ”just not feeling it” when i take matters into my own hand, lol

 

[Philip P.]

Much less at 61 than at 16. There are moments when someone is “too tired” or ”just not feeling it” when i take matters into my own hand, lol

Sometimes that’s where the sex toys are really useful. Im serious. I’m not going to reveal details except to say that I was tired just recently after a long day of installing drywall. It was the weekend and my wife decided to use a sex toy on me! It was wonderful and unexpected. We might not be into them at all but when my wife was single and in college she learned a little about toys from a roommate, who enjoyed using them (using them on herself, at least she says so lol). I suggested trying a couple of toys years later do my wife had some familiarity with them. As I’m getting older (now in my 50s), I think I’d prefer being intimate with my wife since I don’t have a lot of energy for masturbation.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

Sometimes that’s where the sex toys are really useful. Im serious. I’m not going to reveal details except to say that I was tired just recently after a long day of installing drywall. It was the weekend and my wife decided to use a sex toy on me! It was wonderful and unexpected. We might not be into them at all but when my wife was single and in college she learned a little about toys from a roommate, who enjoyed using them (using them on herself, at least she says so lol). I suggested trying a couple of toys years later do my wife had some familiarity with them. As I’m getting older (now in my 50s), I think I’d prefer being intimate with my wife since I don’t have a lot of energy for masturbation.

That’s great. She used one on my balls During a BJ. Wow … College roomie used toys just on herself, eh? I am not buying that! No worries. My wife also denies FF fun in her past although videos featuring that drive her wild.

 

[Bulfrog1987]

Because marriage is still this ball and chain dynamic when it’s suppose to set you free from all the fake stuff. It’s suppose to be the realest thing you have. If my husband tells me a deep dark thought that shocks me, my first reaction is to be happy he trusted me with that. Whether we doing it that night idk, I gotta research. Lol.
but seriously, if you can’t be yourself and happy with your own thoughts around your partner then that’s really crappy.

This right here. When I was married, my husband swore he never masterbated. I'm not dumb, but I did believe him for a long long time. The amount of tail he caught nightly from me was more than he probably had combined in his whole lifetime, in our 15 years together. There was never drought for him so to speak. But he did travel a lot, and I noticed our data going WAY up, sure enough, insert mega porn watching.

Well yeah "I watch porn, but I don't do anything." HA! Now that I would never buy, he sure did stick to his guns though. Lied and lied and lied. The saddest part of it all, I was just hurt, because for years I'd attempted to get him to do it in front of me, he never would said he didn't like it, ect. I wasn't mad he was doing it, I was upset I wasn't a safe space for him.

If I'd ever caught him... WOOOOWEEE I would have lost my mind! Not in a yelling screaming fit of rage but excitement lol. Anyway, that was never meant to be a thing. Hopefully a future partner will not deny me that part of him, but who knows?

 

[gwytherjames]

My wife HATES it if I masturbate so I don't. SHe considers it the same as cheating.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

My wife HATES it if I masturbate so I don't. SHe considers it the same as cheating.

That is her controlling you. it’s not the same as cheating. You are not with another person. Find her reaction odd. Ever catch her playing with herself?

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

My wife HATES it if I masturbate so I don't. SHe considers it the same as cheating.

She would, especially if she's controlling the sexual frequency in your M.
Her reasoning is she sees her control slipping away.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

My wife HATES it if I masturbate so I don't. SHe considers it the same as cheating.

If she wants to have sex with you each and every time you have the desire to masturbate then no problem, otherwise she should mind her own business.

 

[gwytherjames]

That is her controlling you. it’s not the same as cheating. You are not with another person. Find her reaction odd. Ever catch her playing with herself?

No. She is not into doing it for herself.

 

[gwytherjames]

If she wants to have sex with you each and every time you have the desire to masturbate then no problem, otherwise she should mind her own business.

tbf we do have a lot of sex. I can't moan there. But I do have a much higher sex drive.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

No. She is not into doing it for herself.

Why not, is she sexually repressed in some way?

 

[gwytherjames]

Why not, is she sexually repressed in some way?

No she is just not into that.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

tbf we do have a lot of sex. I can't moan there. But I do have a much higher sex drive.

See this response:
BigDaddyNY said:
If she wants to have sex with you each and every time you have the desire to masturbate then no problem, otherwise she should mind her own business.

So is she repressed enough to say you better not masturbate because i don't want to have sex?
THAT is the question you're avoiding.

 

[uwe.blab]

If the couple has a good M, H is ready for sex anytime, couple sex is great and frequent, yet if W causes a drought...if W catches H masturbaing after she turns him down again...

What does the W expect to gain by saying I caught you! That's bad, your selfish, for shame...on and on!

She has her sexual agency. So does H. Simple.

What does a W expect to gain when she catches and tries to shame the H for masturbating?

This happened to you?