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I suppose you do have to say it depends on the person because there can be a mess factor, so I would just say assuming the guy is carrying a paper towel with him and being sure not to make a mess someone else has to clean up, leave him alone. But I mean I know there are guys who don't even bother and that would make anybody mad who was having to
share in the housekeeping.

An old college friend of mine said the guy living with her with jizz all over the walls and ceilings and not do a thing to clean it up. He was like a sperm power washer. Of course he is the rare exception. But especially young guys used to living my calls with other guys may just leave stuff laying around, and that stuff may not just be dirty socks. So I would say anyone doing that deserves a good reading and being thrown out.
Lol @ sperm power washer
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
It gets to a point where you have to recognize that you are no longer what he wants and he's going to go outside the marriage. If he's using porn then that means he's at least not always going outside the marriage with a live woman, so he has the character to at least not sleep around in an obvious way. For this, he deserves gratitude because as we've seen that is NOT what is expected of him.

The proper thing to do is NOT shame him, NOT say anything, pretend you don't know and detach yourself emotionally from him. The "please pick me" dance after you find out how he really feels is only going to make you less attractive. He doesn't need or want you any more, so just shift your relationship away from sexuality. The next step is offering an open marriage. If you can't do that, then offer divorce. He'll be relieved either way.
Do you mean to say if he masturbates he doesn't want you anymore? That's not the gist or the reasons for masturbating I'm talking about, just in case that clarification is helpful.

The focus is there's a good sexual relationship ie plenty of good couples sex going on, he never turns down a romp with his W, that's first, but does masturbate time to time if W isn't in the mood and he is. And vice versa of course.
 

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Discussion Starter · #67 ·
I wouldn't want to be going about my business and walking to the living room and find a guy jacking off on the sofa for various reasons. You also have to take into consideration that a lot of married people have children. I can't just be jacking off in every room of the house. That's how the bathroom thing got started because typically it's the only place in the house you can lock yourself in and not having an intruder especially if there's little kids.

I would be putting a lock on the bedroom door if it was me with kids in the house. Everyone needs a little privacy.
Of course that's a given! 🤣🤣🤣
 

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How often do you expect sexual activity? I mean honestly, if It’s good 3-5 times a week +, I guess I can see where a woman might feel a bit put off. If we’re talking more than a week with nothing, that would be different and how old the person is. Not all couples want to be exposed to alone time. My opinion is most people probably aren’t thinking of their spouse when going solo so I’d rather not be part of yhat
 

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How often do you expect sexual activity? I mean honestly, if It’s good 3-5 times a week +, I guess I can see where a woman might feel a bit put off. If we’re talking more than a week with nothing, that would be different and how old the person is. Not all couples want to be exposed to alone time. My opinion is most people probably aren’t thinking of their spouse when going solo so I’d rather not be part of yhat
Yes, but on the other hand, they also may not be thinking about any man or woman. They may just have an urgent urge. The woman may only be thinking about the vibrator, for instance. Not everyone fantasizes about people every time they get off.
 

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For the same reasons they fall apart when he finally cracks and decides to get sex elsewhere when she's been rejecting him for decades...

Its a matter of control...Many women feel like as long as they have that asset, she can control him in some way....She has some sense of "power"......Once she sees that he doesn't need her for that aspect of his life, she then feels marginalized and subsequently has then lost her perceived power...I mean, if she doesn't want sex(or wants it very infrequently) why would she care all that much if he gets himself off?

I won't say this is true for all women, but many are this way....There really is no other reasonable or logical explanation...I would say that if two people have a hearty sex life it may draw a side eye or some level of disappointment, maybe, I dunno...Ill also admit that if one that if one is masturbating and not paying any sexual energy to the wife that is willing, then of course, its not going to go over well...but thats another story...

I dunno...No matter what the conditions, there is always a little shame involved with masturbation.. It may not be totally fair, but it is what it is..
 

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Do you mean to say if he masturbates he doesn't want you anymore? That's not the gist or the reasons for masturbating I'm talking about, just in case that clarification is helpful.

The focus is there's a good sexual relationship ie plenty of good couples sex going on, he never turns down a romp with his W, that's first, but does masturbate time to time if W isn't in the mood and he is. And vice versa of course.
She can’t compete with porn stars. She’s better off stepping away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #72 ·
How often do you expect sexual activity? I mean honestly, if It’s good 3-5 times a week +, I guess I can see where a woman might feel a bit put off. If we’re talking more than a week with nothing, that would be different and how old the person is. Not all couples want to be exposed to alone time. My opinion is most people probably aren’t thinking of their spouse when going solo so I’d rather not be part of yhat
For example I'm almost 60. We have great sex 4 to 7 times a week. Twice on Saturday if schedules permit.
Yet I still have alone time now and then. Say during a couples sex three times only week.

And being open about it prevents any fears being generated in the mind of the other spouse about what's he or she doing behind closed locked doors :oops::oops: !

Different rooms but not hiding out. W can join any time. And vice versa of course.

We're adults. It's our house. No need to hide in the bathroom or basement like awkward or embarrassed teenagers.
 

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Discussion Starter · #73 ·
She can’t compete with porn stars. She’s better off stepping away.
She doesn't have to or feels the need to compete with pornstars. I don't have to compete with Jason Mamoa or she with Gal Gardot.

The belief that all wives feel or believe their Hs want them to compete with pornstars is a myth perpetuated as fact when it isn't as common as constantly harped on. Just isn't.

Hell, neither of us can compete with our 22 year old selves when we first got married!

Edited to add but, you should've seen my W rockin those bikinis and skin tight evening dresses! And yes, me in those cut off jeans and pooka shell necklace!
 

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She doesn't have to or feels the need to compete with pornstars. I don't have to compete with Jason Mamoa or she with Gal Gardot.

The belief that all wives feel or believe their Hs want them to compete with pornstars is a myth perpetuated as fact when it isn't as common as constantly harped on. Just isn't.

Hell, neither of us can compete with our 22 year old selves when we first got married!
Is she on this board?
 

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Discussion Starter · #76 ·
She can’t compete with porn stars. She’s better off stepping away.
So, you think DW and I should separate? Really? Because we don't conduct our marriage in fear and anxiety or meet your concept of marriage? How on God's green earth did you get there?

Or am I misreading the context. My apologies if so.
 

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So, you think DW and I should separate? Really? Because we don't conduct our marriage in fear and anxiety or meet your concept of marriage? How on God's green earth did you get there?

Or am I misreading the context. My apologies if so.
Ah, I see where you’re getting this. In post #71 I referred to “she,” you’re interpreting that to mean your wife. That is understandable, I should have said “no woman,” or better yet “I.” I don’t know your wife, perhaps she does look like a porn star. Or at least is slim and defined with no cellulite. Good for her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #78 ·
Ah, I see where you’re getting this. In post #71 I referred to “she,” you’re interpreting that to mean your wife. That is understandable, I should have said “no woman,” or better yet “I.” I don’t know your wife, perhaps she does look like a porn star. Or at least is slim and defined with no cellulite. Good for her.
My apologies.

And no, she doesn't have a perfect to the world body, neither do I, she's perfect to me in most every way though.
Me, I do look good for almost 60. I tell myself every day! Unless I forget. Which has happened. You know, being older and all that! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
 

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My apologies.

And no, she doesn't have a perfect to the world body, neither do I, she's perfect to me in most every way though.
Me, I do look good for almost 60. I tell myself every day! Unless I forget. Which has happened. You know, being older and all that! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well good for her. It’s hard after a certain age to stay slim and cellulite free. I admire her discipline.
 

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Discussion Starter · #80 ·
Well good for her. It’s hard after a certain age to stay slim and cellulite free. I admire her discipline.
No, she's not perfectly slim and cellulite free, I didn't explain it right I guess. She's beautiful and wonderful for a 60yo woman, and is also perfect to me in most every way as she is. 🙂🙂🙂
 
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