[Ragnar Ragnasson]

If the couple has a good M, H is ready for sex anytime, couple sex is great and frequent, yet if W causes a drought...if W catches H masturbaing after she turns him down again...

What does the W expect to gain by saying I caught you! That's bad, your selfish, for shame...on and on!

She has her sexual agency. So does H. Simple.

What does a W expect to gain when she catches and tries to shame the H for masturbating?

 

[Tabbygirl23]

Sexual repression is still alive and well.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

Sexual repression is still alive and well.

That's what I'm saying. Yet there should no two people more comfortable talking sex, especially about after many years of M to boot.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

If the couple has a good M, H is ready for sex anytime, couple sex is great and frequent, yet if W causes a drought...if W catches H masturbaing after she turns him down again...

What does the W expect to gain by saying I caught you! That's bad, your selfish, for shame...on and on!

She has her sexual agency. So does H. Simple.

What does a W expect to gain when she catches and tries to shame the H for masturbating?

It would really be great to hear from W what are they trying to accomplish with this.

As in cut the crap, what's the real deal??

 

[Diana7]

Is that with or without porn?

 

[Tabbygirl23]

Because marriage is still this ball and chain dynamic when it’s suppose to set you free from all the fake stuff. It’s suppose to be the realest thing you have. If my husband tells me a deep dark thought that shocks me, my first reaction is to be happy he trusted me with that. Whether we doing it that night idk, I gotta research. Lol.
but seriously, if you can’t be yourself and happy with your own thoughts around your partner then that’s really crappy.

 

[Mr.Married]

She freaks out because one of her control mechanisms is being bypassed and your masturbation is an outright display of a perceived failed part of marriage which raises her guard and self reflection. The only option becomes to shame you for it.

Your statement puts all women in the same bucket. I’m going to assume you meant to say “SOME women “

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

Is that with or without porn?

Good question. Can you answer from both perspectives? Thanks, that's a help.

 

[snowbum]

First off what’s a drought?

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

She freaks out because one of her control mechanisms is being bypassed.

Seems that's common. So let her freak. Don't get hostile in your response but don't act like it's anything unexpected, agree she has her sexual agency and you have yours, stressing you want sex with her and she has the right to say no and equally you have the right to say to say yes, I'll take care of my own desire for sex.

 

[*Deidre*]

Maybe if it’s affecting their sex life but if the sex life is good, I have no idea.

 

[Tabbygirl23]

If the couple has a good M, H is ready for sex anytime, couple sex is great and frequent, yet if W causes a drought...if W catches H masturbaing after she turns him down again...

What does the W expect to gain by saying I caught you! That's bad, your selfish, for shame...on and on!

She has her sexual agency. So does H. Simple.

What does a W expect to gain when she catches and tries to shame the H for masturbating?

Honestly I can’t even help but laugh thinking about being caught masterbating and my husband trying to shame me. I feel badly people go through that but I really think I would throw the covers back and finish right there in front of their eyes. Ugly O face and scrunched up toes and all. Zero shame in masterbation. It is healthy for you. Feels good. Goodness

 

[She'sStillGotIt]

LOL...some women are so damned pathetic.

Whether they caused 'the draught' or not, I'm always amazed at how women think they can control what a man looks at, what or who he fantasizes about, what stimuli he uses for his 'alone' time material if he's even "allowed" to use anything or look at porn, and whether he's "allowed" to masturbate.

I honestly can't believe any woman thinks this is a good or healthy idea to force on a man. And worse, how can any woman actually BELIEVE that nonsense when her man claims he's done exactly as she's demanded and thought ONLY of her? Yeah, I'm sure these guys are only fantasizing about their demanding wives/girlfriends and not the blonde in accounting or the hot brunette in that science fiction movie, and they never go out to PornHub when they have an extra 15 or 20 minutes alone. 🤣🤣🤣

The whole thing is preposterous.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

Maybe if it’s affecting their sex life but if the sex life is good, I have no idea.

The premise is it's not affecting their sexual couple frequency and he's ready for sex with her anytime.

Yet W most commonly still try to shame H.

You've got some sort of answer in mind. I know you do. Can you share, even hypothetically? Say responding for a friend?

 

[bobert]

Not an issue in my marriage but from what I've heard from others:

She's a control freak, the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either, even your hand", she thinks he should only feel pleasure while having sex with her, she's jealous of a hand, she doesn't like porn, if he doesn't use porn she doesn't trust that he's thinking about her, she thinks masturbation is wrong thanks to a religious nutjob upbringing, feeling inadequate (can't match his sex drive, can't compare to him doing his own thing, etc) and freaking out on him rather than doing something about it.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

LOL...some women are so damned pathetic.

Whether they caused 'the draught' or not, I'm always amazed at how women think they can control what a man looks at, what or who he fantasizes about, what stimuli he uses for his 'alone' time material if he's even "allowed" to use anything or look at porn, and whether he's "allowed" to masturbate.

I honestly can't believe any woman thinks this is a good or healthy idea to force on a man. And worse, how can any woman actually BELIEVE that nonsense when her man claims he's done exactly as she's demanded and thought ONLY of her? Yeah, I'm sure these guys are only fantasizing about their demanding wives/girlfriends and not the blonde in accounting or the hot brunette in that science fiction movie, and they never go out to PornHub when they have an extra 15 or 20 minutes alone. 🤣🤣🤣

The whole thing is preposterous.

My goodness, you must be my long lost sister from another mother.
An exact great response that if lived removes just so much stress.

 

[Mr.Married]

LOL...some women are so damned pathetic.

Whether they caused 'the draught' or not, I'm always amazed at how women think they can control what a man looks at, what or who he fantasizes about, what stimuli he uses for his 'alone' time material if he's even "allowed" to use anything or look at porn, and whether he's "allowed" to masturbate.

I honestly can't believe any woman thinks this is a good or healthy idea to force on a man. And worse, how can any woman actually BELIEVE that nonsense when her man claims he's done exactly as she's demanded and thought ONLY of her? Yeah, I'm sure these guys are only fantasizing about their demanding wives/girlfriends and not the blonde in accounting or the hot brunette in that science fiction movie, and they never go out to PornHub when they have an extra 15 or 20 minutes alone. 🤣🤣🤣

The whole thing is preposterous.

yeah but your azz is planted in the reality flower pot ….. many others both men and women not so much.

 

[Tabbygirl23]

LOL...some women are so damned pathetic.

Whether they caused 'the draught' or not, I'm always amazed at how women think they can control what a man looks at, what or who he fantasizes about, what stimuli he uses for his 'alone' time material if he's even "allowed" to use anything or look at porn, and whether he's "allowed" to masturbate.

I honestly can't believe any woman thinks this is a good or healthy idea to force on a man. And worse, how can any woman actually BELIEVE that nonsense when her man claims he's done exactly as she's demanded and thought ONLY of her? Yeah, I'm sure these guys are only fantasizing about their demanding wives/girlfriends and not the blonde in accounting or the hot brunette in that science fiction movie, and they never go out to PornHub when they have an extra 15 or 20 minutes alone. 🤣🤣🤣

The whole thing is preposterous.

It’s like they want a personal robot to just beeboopbeeboop what do you want me to do today sweetheart?
Of course they lie to you 🙄 psychos

 

[*Deidre*]

The premise is it's not affecting their sexual couple frequency and he's ready for sex with her anytime.

Yet W most commonly still try to shame H.

You've got some sort of answer in mind. I know you do. Can you share, even hypothetically? Say responding for a friend?

For me, I don’t care if he does. I don’t ask and honestly, if he does…it’s healthy in moderation. So the idea of a spouse shaming their partner - the only thing I can think of is, it’s not the only time that partner is shaming their spouse. No one suddenly becomes controlling over one aspect of a relationship - usually, in threads on here anyway, the spouse who is being shamed is made to feel small in other aspects of the marriage. So, that’s my take, they probably have this controlling dynamic in other areas.

And in this case, those wives may feel that they’re not good enough or their husband prefers that over intimacy. It’s undoubtedly rooted in insecurity if the marriage is otherwise healthy. But anyone knows, masturbation for either men or women, can often be a way to quickly relieve stress.

So that’s my best guess. Also in reading threads on here where this is an issue, 9 times out of 10 - the spouse who is freaking out, is controlling other aspects of the marriage.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

Not an issue in my marriage but from what I've heard from others:

She's a control freak, the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either, even your hand", she thinks he should only feel pleasure while having sex with her, she's jealous of a hand, she doesn't like porn, if he doesn't use porn she doesn't trust that he's thinking about her, she thinks masturbation is wrong thanks to a religious nutjob upbringing, feeling inadequate (can't match his sex drive, can't compare to him doing his own thing, etc) and freaking out on him rather than doing something about it.

And how harmful to a M. That W is creating avoidable problems in the M that takes up space in both partners mind every day. Like maintaining an on ramp to let's make our whole M harder.