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The authors offer a few explanations. First, they write, men tend to underestimate how often their partner wants sex as a way to avoid rejection. For example, on days when a man’s motivation to avoid sexual rejection was high, he tended to underperceive his partner’s sexual desire. Second, the authors suggest that the men might underestimate their partner’s desire as a way to avoid becoming complacent. “We don’t know exactly what men do when they underperceive, but it’s possible that this keeps them from becoming lazy about maintaining their partner’s interest,” Amy Muise, the lead author on the study, told me over email. Put differently—if men think their women aren’t interested, they’ll try harder to pique their interest.

Curiously, when men underpercieved their partner’s sexual desire, their partner saw them as more committed and more satisfied in the relationship—so perhaps there’s something to this hypothesis.

Notably, men in the studies did report higher levels of sexual desire overall than woman, which the authors think could be another reason why men underestimate women’s desire (they assume it’s less than their own, but have trouble gauging it beyond that). Ultimately, women’s sexual desire was still higher than men imagined it to be, so it’s safe to say guys have gone too far with their “she doesn’t want sex” assumptions. As have we all.

Consider this—when this study started making news this week, the most common headlines were some variation of “Women are more interested in sex than you think” or “Hey guys, women want sex more often than you think.” These headlines assume that we, the readers, believe women are not interested in sex to begin with, and so this news is somehow shocking.

How does this myth continue to persist? Surveys have shown that women often want more sex than they’re having. Books have been written about the strength of the female sex drive. And studies have shown that many women are “highly sexual” and more fluid when it comes to sexuality than men.

http://fusion.net/story/308691/men-underestimate-womens-sexual-desire-study/
 

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Except for the Nice Guys stuck in loveless marriages.
I should resist the urge to respond in kind but anyhow...

I know a ton of married couples where both work - I'm not seeing a lot of one sidedness in chores. Not a lot of manipulative guys either...

Very few people can manipulate without making it too obvious.
 

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I should resist the urge to respond in kind but anyhow...

I know a ton of married couples where both work - I'm not seeing a lot of one sidedness in chores. Not a lot of manipulative guys either...

Very few people can manipulate without making it too obvious.
What you see in your social group can be very different from what others see in their social group.
 

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I should resist the urge to respond in kind but anyhow...

I know a ton of married couples where both work - I'm not seeing a lot of one sidedness in chores. Not a lot of manipulative guys either...

Very few people can manipulate without making it too obvious.
First, I wasn't talking about you.

Second, I can count on one hand the number of men who do even 25% of chores. And that's not just 'old' people. My DD25 lives with two men, and neither of those men do the chores, now that she's living there.
 

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What you see in your social group can be very different from what others see in their social group :)

Why would your daughter live with two men that expect her to do chores?
 

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The social group for most people on TAM isn't millions in mansions, John, so most people on TAM arguably are already outside of your social /peer group.

Again, as I seem to need to keep saying on threads these days, if someone made some quip about there being some truth to stereotypes and inferred it about a racial/ethnic group someone would clearly point out that BS like that is racist. So why is BS like that about female kind as a collective OK?

Can I infer from stereotypes about Aussies, white guys, or rich dudes? Is that okay? I'm guessing no.

Is this all TAM is going to turn into, multiple thread of women bashing on how pointless it is to get married? If that's the case, we should change the name of this website.
 

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What you see in your social group can be very different from what others see in their social group :)

Why would your daughter live with two men that expect her to do chores?
Because she is engaged to one of them, because her fiance has been out of work for almost a year and needs financial help (thanks to low gas prices), and because she's lived with her parents for all her life and she wanted to act like an adult for once?

And because she grew up with a dysfunctional father and mother and despite loving herself, still desires being with her bf instead of her parents? And because I taught her to not accept living in filth and because, since she's in grad school and has very little income, the only other thing she can offer is housework?
 

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First, I wasn't talking about you.

Second, I can count on one hand the number of men who do even 25% of chores. And that's not just 'old' people. My DD25 lives with two men, and neither of those men do the chores, now that she's living there.
And then of course there are the men that are sure that they do housework even when they don't.

My ex was sure that he did a lot of housework. One day as I was in the bathroom throwing up for about the 60th day in a row with morning sickness, I pleaded with him to please help me by cleaning the bathroom.
His response "I always clean the bathroom".

The truth, he had cleaned it once, months earlier and I swear on my life that was the truth.
 

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And then of course there are the men that are sure that they do housework even when they don't.

My ex was sure that he did a lot of housework. One day as I was in the bathroom throwing up for about the 60th day in a row with morning sickness, I pleaded with him to please help me by cleaning the bathroom.
His response "I always clean the bathroom".

The truth, he had cleaned it once, months earlier and I swear on my life that was the truth.
Wow that is truly shameful. I don't care if he cleaned the bl0ody bathroom yesterday...when your pregnant wife is throwing up and asks you to clean it, you clean it!
 

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The social group for most people on TAM isn't millions in mansions, John, so most people on TAM arguably are already outside of your social /peer group.

Again, as I seem to need to keep saying on threads these days, if someone made some quip about there being some truth to stereotypes and inferred it about a racial/ethnic group someone would clearly point out that BS like that is racist. So why is BS like that about female kind as a collective OK?

Can I infer from stereotypes about Aussies, white guys, or rich dudes? Is that okay? I'm guessing no.

Is this all TAM is going to turn into, multiple thread of women bashing on how pointless it is to get married? If that's the case, we should change the name of this website.
Funny you said that. Few of my social circle buddies are at my income level - and I despise most of them. I know people from a wide swath of socioeconomic situations... Cultures... Etc.

But don't let that alter your view of me by any chance.

 

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Because she is engaged to one of them, because her fiance has been out of work for almost a year and needs financial help (thanks to low gas prices), and because she's lived with her parents for all her life and she wanted to act like an adult for once?

And because she grew up with a dysfunctional father and mother and despite loving herself, still desires being with her bf instead of her parents? And because I taught her to not accept living in filth and because, since she's in grad school and has very little income, the only other thing she can offer is housework?
Not very optimal planning imho but anyhow. Having spent a few years in oil country in the 80's I understand the situation but wouldn't agree to it - my own DD24 is a grad student, still gets some support from us, and would definitely not get into anything like it.

Not that money is anything important. Her last SO of five years was LOADED. But he simply did not grow past high school. Her current SO is mature well past his age, a function I attribute to growing up low middle class. Hopefully they'll both have their masters degree before even considering making it official :)
 

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Now, is this in support of your regular claims that 50% of sexless marriages are caused by men? Really?



The authors offer a few explanations. First, they write, men tend to underestimate how often their partner wants sex as a way to avoid rejection. For example, on days when a man’s motivation to avoid sexual rejection was high, he tended to underperceive his partner’s sexual desire. Second, the authors suggest that the men might underestimate their partner’s desire as a way to avoid becoming complacent. “We don’t know exactly what men do when they underperceive, but it’s possible that this keeps them from becoming lazy about maintaining their partner’s interest,” Amy Muise, the lead author on the study, told me over email. Put differently—if men think their women aren’t interested, they’ll try harder to pique their interest.

Curiously, when men underpercieved their partner’s sexual desire, their partner saw them as more committed and more satisfied in the relationship—so perhaps there’s something to this hypothesis.

Notably, men in the studies did report higher levels of sexual desire overall than woman, which the authors think could be another reason why men underestimate women’s desire (they assume it’s less than their own, but have trouble gauging it beyond that). Ultimately, women’s sexual desire was still higher than men imagined it to be, so it’s safe to say guys have gone too far with their “she doesn’t want sex” assumptions. As have we all.

Consider this—when this study started making news this week, the most common headlines were some variation of “Women are more interested in sex than you think” or “Hey guys, women want sex more often than you think.” These headlines assume that we, the readers, believe women are not interested in sex to begin with, and so this news is somehow shocking.

How does this myth continue to persist? Surveys have shown that women often want more sex than they’re having. Books have been written about the strength of the female sex drive. And studies have shown that many women are “highly sexual” and more fluid when it comes to sexuality than men.

Study: Women want sex more than their partners think | Fusion
 

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The authors offer a few explanations. First, they write, men tend to underestimate how often their partner wants sex as a way to avoid rejection. For example, on days when a man’s motivation to avoid sexual rejection was high, he tended to underperceive his partner’s sexual desire.
So it is the woman rejecting the man for sex that causes men to stop asking.

Please explain how this means that men are as likely as women to cause sexless marriages. It sounds like it is the woman's rejection that is causing sexless marriages.

Second, the authors suggest that the men might underestimate their partner’s desire as a way to avoid becoming complacent. “We don’t know exactly what men do when they underperceive, but it’s possible that this keeps them from becoming lazy about maintaining their partner’s interest,” Amy Muise, the lead author on the study, told me over email. Put differently—if men think their women aren’t interested, they’ll try harder to pique their interest.
Yes, because they are desperate to get their wives to have sex with them... until they give up. How does this mean that the man is the one making the marriage sexless?

Curiously, when men underpercieved their partner’s sexual desire, their partner saw them as more committed and more satisfied in the relationship—so perhaps there’s something to this hypothesis.
Yes, assuming that "this hypothesis" is that the women have lower interest in sex than their husbands and it reduces their guilt to think that their husbands are okay with this.

Notably, men in the studies did report higher levels of sexual desire overall than woman, which the authors think could be another reason why men underestimate women’s desire (they assume it’s less than their own, but have trouble gauging it beyond that). Ultimately, women’s sexual desire was still higher than men imagined it to be, so it’s safe to say guys have gone too far with their “she doesn’t want sex” assumptions. As have we all.
Or they find rejection so painful that they would rather give up than suffer it any more. Which I'm sure is still the man's responsibility, not the responsibility of the one doing the rejection in the first place.

Consider this—when this study started making news this week, the most common headlines were some variation of “Women are more interested in sex than you think” or “Hey guys, women want sex more often than you think.” These headlines assume that we, the readers, believe women are not interested in sex to begin with, and so this news is somehow shocking.

How does this myth continue to persist? Surveys have shown that women often want more sex than they’re having. Books have been written about the strength of the female sex drive. And studies have shown that many women are “highly sexual” and more fluid when it comes to sexuality than men.

Study: Women want sex more than their partners think | Fusion
Many women have plenty of sexual desire.

Unfortunately, many times it isn't for their husbands.

This is all completely in alignment with the much-maligned red pill.
 

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From the Kinsey report link:

"The survey completed by Laumann and his colleagues was particularly revealing about the subject of sexual interest in the general population (as distinct from specialty clinics). Interviewers asked respondents: “During the last 12 months has there ever been a period of several months or more when you lacked interest in having sex?” Overall, 33% of women and 16% of men answered ‘yes.’ "

So lack of interest in sex is twice as high in women as in men. Who could have guessed that? :surprise:
 

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They should have asked those same men and women "How much do you contribute to household chores and child-rearing on a daily basis?"
 

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The authors offer a few explanations. First, they write, men tend to underestimate how often their partner wants sex as a way to avoid rejection. For example, on days when a man’s motivation to avoid sexual rejection was high, he tended to underperceive his partner’s sexual desire.
So it is the woman rejecting the man for sex that causes men to stop asking.

Please explain how this means that men are as likely as women to cause sexless marriages. It sounds like it is the woman's rejection that is causing sexless marriages.
I did not post that link to address the fact that men are as likely as women to cause a sexless marriage. I posted it because I believe that marriages are complex relationships and that there are many things that can lead to a sexless marriage or one in which one partner is not always getting as much sex as they want. It’s not always that all women are lying, manipulative, horrible, hateful, cold creatures as some men here seem to believe.

Note that in the entire article, it does not say anywhere that the wives are actually rejecting the husbands, or rejecting them to any excessive manner. Surely you don’t think that a woman has to have sex with her husband every single time he asks for sex. Do you? Is there ever a time when a woman can choose to not have sex for a good reason, like she has a bad case of the flu? Maybe the wife never or almost never turns her husband down, but he’s a guy who has an excessive fear of being turned down .

I found the article interesting because some guys might want to look at their own motivation and might discover that their own fear of rejection is what is keeping them from having sex more than anything else.
Second, the authors suggest that the men might underestimate their partner’s desire as a way to avoid becoming complacent. “We don’t know exactly what men do when they underperceive, but it’s possible that this keeps them from becoming lazy about maintaining their partner’s interest,” Amy Muise, the lead author on the study, told me over email. Put differently—if men think their women aren’t interested, they’ll try harder to pique their interest.
Yes, because they are desperate to get their wives to have sex with them... until they give up. How does this mean that the man is the one making the marriage sexless?
Again, not where did I say that this article about men making a marriage sexless. But it might explain a problem in some marriages in which the husband and wife are not communicating well about their sexual desires.

Curiously, when men underpercieved their partner’s sexual desire, their partner saw them as more committed and more satisfied in the relationship—so perhaps there’s something to this hypothesis.
Yes, assuming that "this hypothesis" is that the women have lower interest in sex than their husbands and it reduces their guilt to think that their husbands are okay with this.
I did not write the article or do the study. Instead I think it is saying that since the guy is not asking for sex, his wife perceives him as being satisfied with their sex life. Again, I think it’s talking about some couples who have a huge communication gap when it comes to their sex life.

Notably, men in the studies did report higher levels of sexual desire overall than woman, which the authors think could be another reason why men underestimate women’s desire (they assume it’s less than their own, but have trouble gauging it beyond that). Ultimately, women’s sexual desire was still higher than men imagined it to be, so it’s safe to say guys have gone too far with their “she doesn’t want sex” assumptions. As have we all.
Or they find rejection so painful that they would rather give up than suffer it any more. Which I'm sure is still the man's responsibility, not the responsibility of the one doing the rejection in the first place.
Oh good lord. You see women as to blame for everything. It’s just ridiculous. Again, it’s about couples not communicating. There is no indication that the women in this study are turning the guys down in any unreasonable amount. What the study is saying is that the men think that the women have lower sex drives than they actually have. So the men function accordingly and even have a fear that because they think that women have low sex drives they will be turned down. Again… it’s more about communication. The couples are not talking to each other about their desire for sex. That’s what needs to be fixed.. the communication.

This is one of the reasons that all this talk about how women are all LD is so harmful. Most women are not LD. Most women are pretty HD. Yet all we keep being told is that we are LD. So number of men are told that all women are LD so they treat their wives as LD.

It’s the fault of both men and women in relationships where this is going on that they are not communicating about it.

Consider this—when this study started making news this week, the most common headlines were some variation of “Women are more interested in sex than you think” or “Hey guys, women want sex more often than you think.” These headlines assume that we, the readers, believe women are not interested in sex to begin with, and so this news is somehow shocking.

How does this myth continue to persist? Surveys have shown that women often want more sex than they’re having. Books have been written about the strength of the female sex drive. And studies have shown that many women are “highly sexual” and more fluid when it comes to sexuality than men.

Study: Women want sex more than their partners think | Fusion
Many women have plenty of sexual desire.

Unfortunately, many times it isn't for their husbands.

This is all completely in alignment with the much-maligned red pill.
And many men have plenty of sexual desire, just not for their wives. IT’s a fact. But that's not what this article is about.
 
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