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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I finally woke up and came out of the BS fog after my STBXWW's 3+ year A and 11 months of false R. I filed for D on 10/27/12 hoping for a disillusion since there really aren't any assets to fight about. That was a no go as STBXWW has retained an L and is contesting trying to get support (whole other story there).

My trouble right now is that I can't seem to get past my anger at STBXWW and I'm still having thoughts of wanting nuke her to all her online friends, coworkers etc.. I've already outed her to my family and most of hers. Since I'm now in a dog fight regarding the D, any more nuking on my part would be counter productive.

My question is, WHY am I still so angry and WHY do I still have these overwhelming feelings of wanting to blow up STBXWW's life? Anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it and get past the anger?:scratchhead:
 

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Go ahead and go scorched earth since she decided to contest there are consequences for her actions tell the truth though just matter of fact.
 

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You're angry because you never allowed yourself to feel the anger during the supposed reconciliation. Now that it all came crashing down, you want to Release the Kraken!! Which, IMO, is totally the way you SHOULD feel.

But your intuition is correct. Wait until the divorce is finalized. Then, enjoy putting her on cheaterville .com and facebook and do the same with the OM. When you get that out of your system, spend $100 and buy a good heavy bag and beat the sh-t out of it. You will be amazed at how good it can make you feel.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
But your intuition is correct. Wait until the divorce is finalized. Then, enjoy putting her on cheaterville .com and facebook and do the same with the OM.
WOW! Thanks Dig. I thought I was nuts for feeling this way. Now I just hope I CAN wait until the D is final. :)
 
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I feel the same way about my STBXWH!

Sick and tired of people thinking I'm unstable because I recently exposed a so called "friendship" to the OW's H. I want to paste it all over facebook that he is a serial cheater and the link to the escort he recently called. Unfortunately I have 4 children with this a$$hole, and I am afraid it will only hurt them by doing this.
 

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WOW! Thanks Dig. I thought I was nuts for feeling this way. Now I just hope I CAN wait until the D is final. :)
11 months of false R? Just about anyone would be angry. I think your reaction is totally normal. I don't think it's odd at all. Nothing like a DD#2 to make you realize what the score is.

Remember, though: indifference is the best revenge. If you find that you are still feeling rage / fury for weeks, then you're allowing her to remain in control of your life. At some point, rage turns against you physically and harms your mental health as well.

The 180 (if you're familiar with it) can help you achieve emotional detachment. It works whether you are super attached or super repulsed. The point is to concentrate on improving yourself, until you don't even feel a mild curiosity just what she is up to.

To put it another way, how much time do you think she spends thinking about you? Less than zero, my friend.
 

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Remember, though: indifference is the best revenge. If you find that you are still feeling rage / fury for weeks, then you're allowing her to remain in control of your life. At some point, rage turns against you physically and harms your mental health as well.

The point is to concentrate on improving yourself, until you don't even feel a mild curiosity just what she is up to.

.
:iagree:


Your feelings are normal human emotions
 

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Go ahead and go scorched earth since she decided to contest there are consequences for her actions tell the truth though just matter of fact.
:iagree:

I think Tom has the best idea. telling the truth " just in a matter of fact way"

Its better than going; 1)nuclear,2)holding it in,3) letting it go.

Bottom line you need to let the anger go, not for her, but yourself
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The 180 (if you're familiar with it) can help you achieve emotional detachment. It works whether you are super attached or super repulsed.
@iheartlife, I am familiar with the 180 as I used it initially after discovery. However, I thought it was just for that purpose. How do I use the 180 in my current situation, e.g., divorce?

She's being nasty and contesting the divorce, why not nuke her? Are you afraid of making her angry?
@Shaggy, No I'm not afraid of making her angry. My L is telling me that any nuking by me now would be counter productive and might have an adverse affect regarding the D procedure. A case in point is that so far STBXWW has not asked for "Temporary Support" or that I vacate our home temporarily during discovery. I'm not making this **** up, it's really what my L is telling me. BTW, I have confirmed this with two other L's, one a close friend and another that handled other legal issues for me.

Anger and vengence are normal human reactions.

Trust me:
"Anger is going to hurt you more than her".
@AngryandUsed,

I get this. What I'm asking is how the hell do I overcome these feelings!? I can't seem to find a way to let go. I am in IC and that seems to help some, but the minute I walk out into the real world again the feelings of anger and vengeance return.:scratchhead:
 

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@iheartlife, I am familiar with the 180 as I used it initially after discovery. However, I thought it was just for that purpose. How do I use the 180 in my current situation, e.g., divorce?
Nope, its purpose is to emotionally detach. Many people think it's supposed to get your disloyal spouse back, but that is not its main purpose and in fact it only works that way sometimes. Many other times, it widens the gap between you.

The point of the 180 is simply to be the best person you can be. Most of it is stuff you should have been doing all along and that you ought to continue doing no matter what your relationship status. Basically, it gives you a "project" to work on--you, but in a non-selfish way--so that you are too busy planning, executing, and enjoying your life to waste brain cells on someone who doesn't love you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Basically, it gives you a "project" to work on--you, but in a non-selfish way--so that you are too busy planning, executing, and enjoying your life to waste brain cells on someone who doesn't love you.
OK, I get it now. I have the 180 already saved & printed out so I'll have to go back and reacquaint myself with it. Thanks for the heads up on this. :)
 
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