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Discussion Starter #42
Ohhh I’m getting a clearer picture. Ok what you’re saying is that she hasn’t treated you well? Maybe has henpecked you or something? It sounds like you just don’t love her anymore. :( See in your post, you came off a little entitled and like she was holding you back from some great life and most people feel a little bad for the partner that was cheated on. (And the kids!) It’s so easy to be selfish when you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world and attracting all these potential suitors. I’m not judging you. I’ve just seen so many guys and women ruin their lives with the grass is greener thinking.

What do you plan to do? What is it that you want from your marriage? Do you still want the marriage?
Right. It takes two. I’m not here cause she’s been a angel and I want out. I’m here because we both have issues and I do everything I can to get right....rehab fasting accountability sex addict meetings everything.....while she just sits back pointing the finger like she doesn’t have anything to do with the way the marriage is instead I gotta fix it cause it’s ALL my fault. Which ok cool I take that and I do just that but after awhile it becomes exhausting ya no and no therapist every wants to tell her she needs to tighten up on somethings too. And when we find a therapist that does tell her some of this is her fault she don’t like them and doesn’t want to see them again. So yea it’s a lot of stuff ya no. And I’m just at a point to where I’m tired of fighting alone.

and the grass is greener where you water it. So I don’t believe in that whole cliche statement. I just want to make the right choice cause honesty if she can humble herself and work on the issues she brings to the marriage then I’d freaking love to be with her and be a testimony for marriages around the world ...but I don’t think she will ever feel the need to fix her issues.
 

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Discussion Starter #43
Ohhh I’m getting a clearer picture. Ok what you’re saying is that she hasn’t treated you well? Maybe has henpecked you or something? It sounds like you just don’t love her anymore. :( See in your post, you came off a little entitled and like she was holding you back from some great life and most people feel a little bad for the partner that was cheated on. (And the kids!) It’s so easy to be selfish when you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world and attracting all these potential suitors. I’m not judging you. I’ve just seen so many guys and women ruin their lives with the grass is greener thinking.

What do you plan to do? What is it that you want from your marriage? Do you still want the marriage?
 

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What is it again that they say kills a marriage? Contempt. It does sound like a lot of contempt from each of you towards the other. I think a lot of times when people are cheated on, it never really leaves their mind. It kind of just festers and grows.

You already have one foot out of the door so there’s nowhere to go but onward if you both can’t come together and work on it. The sad thing is that there’s 4 kids involved.

I’m sorry this is happening to you both. But I do think there‘a a lot of contempt. Seems like it would take hard core counseling and honesty to even begin to heal it?
 

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You for sure aren’t comprehending well. But thanks.

Well, go back to your original post and title. What you're saying now is not what you said on the original post. We can only go by what you say. up to now you have not explained comprehensibly your situation for us to really give you a correct input.
 

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Na I man up to all my sins. I know what I did was wrong and inexcusable. So try again
So are you blaming your adultery on having a sex addiction? Or are you taking responsibility for that sin you chose to committ?

The thing is that you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage, that for her to decide.
 

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Discussion Starter #49
Well, go back to your original post and title. What you're saying now is not what you said on the original post. We can only go by what you say. up to now you have not explained comprehensibly your situation for us to really give you a correct input.
I’ve gotten a lot of great feed back. Thanks. It’s only so much I can type in a thread. I highlighted my infidelity and I can see where lots of people are coming from but first time user so I’ll get the hang of it. It’s helped tho minus the people just here to be pest lol. It’s actually some nice perspectives that I will learn from. Thank you for even trying to understand.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
So are you blaming your adultery on having a sex addiction? Or are you taking responsibility for that sin you chose to committ?

The thing is that you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage, that for her to decide.
Wow. That’s good stuff. Great insight. Sheeeeeesh. I gotta humble myself when you look at it like that!
 

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I’m just trying find answers cause she wants to reconcile but for some reason I feel better thinking of being divorced than I do being married.
I suggest seeing a marriage counselor.
I can be faithful to the right women, but I for sure would never be in a committed relationship ever again.
So your wife isn't the right woman.

Why would you never be in a committed relationship again? Do you want freedom to indulge your sexual appetite? Or do you feel remorseful and unworthy of marriage?
I disagree. I’ve made bad choices doesn’t mean that’s who I am!
It might not be the whole picture, but it's part of it. You see where that part has gotten your wife, kids, and you.
Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ.
Again, you should have gone to marriage counselling.

Did you turn away from Christ so you could cheat on your wife?
I’m just confused why I can’t adore her and cherish her. Ya no. Like could lack of respect and appreciation for years drive a man to this point.?
It could drive somebody to check out of the marriage, but it's no excuse for serial infidelity. You know that.

You're not going to adore her no matter what just because "wife." Marriages sometimes go bad, and both spouses usually share responsibility. But because of how deep a marriage runs, especially when you have kids, you need to make your best effort to repair the marriage. If it's beyond repair, it's time to end it responsibly and see the kids through it. Before running into another relationship, learn the lessons from your failed marriage.
 

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I was faithful the first 5 years of marriage. Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ. Sooo I don’t know I just feel confused.
So why didn't you just divorce her instead of giving her and your kids all this pain of cheating on her?
I don't care that you gave up religion -- you don't have to be religious to have ethics and morals.
WHY she wants to reconcile after you've shown you cannot stay faithful to her --- SHE is the one that needs to be here on the forum. You pretty much have stated that you hate her --- why would you stay with her and not divorce right now? It will be painful for her, but much less painful than you cheating on her again...
 

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Wow. That’s good stuff. Great insight. Sheeeeeesh. I gotta humble myself when you look at it like that!
You mentioned the sex addiction groups. Many do use it as an excuse to cheat. Many psyciatrists say there is no such thing.
 

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Right. It takes two. I’m not here cause she’s been a angel and I want out. I’m here because we both have issues and I do everything I can to get right....rehab fasting accountability sex addict meetings everything.....while she just sits back pointing the finger like she doesn’t have anything to do with the way the marriage is instead I gotta fix it cause it’s ALL my fault. Which ok cool I take that and I do just that but after awhile it becomes exhausting ya no and no therapist every wants to tell her she needs to tighten up on somethings too. And when we find a therapist that does tell her some of this is her fault she don’t like them and doesn’t want to see them again. So yea it’s a lot of stuff ya no. And I’m just at a point to where I’m tired of fighting alone.

and the grass is greener where you water it. So I don’t believe in that whole cliche statement. I just want to make the right choice cause honesty if she can humble herself and work on the issues she brings to the marriage then I’d freaking love to be with her and be a testimony for marriages around the world ...but I don’t think she will ever feel the need to fix her issues.
So, even if SHE has issues -- that is NO excuse at ALL for cheating. You should have either gone to counseling, or divorced. It sounds like both of you may need individual counseling (before trying Marriage counseling). Look, if she isn't working on HER part and had no desire 5 years ago to work on it, you should have just divorced THEN, not cheated.

Have you sat and actually talked this all out with her? Have you mentioned the things that SHE does or needs to do for you? Have you listened to what she needs from YOU for this to continue? If you can't have that meeting of the minds, or either of you are not willing to work to improve things, do BOTH of you a favor and divorce.
 

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Supposedly I’ve been the only man she has ever had sex with!! She is Just a really awesome women smart sexy business owner etc another man would die to have a women like her. But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?

Guess I’m rambling but my real concern is should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once? I just wanna move on with my life.
You don't hate her. You hate yourself.
 

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I was faithful the first 5 years of marriage. Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ. Sooo I don’t know I just feel confused.
wow, you are so full of ****! Faithful for five years! Wow brownie points for you👏🏻. Were you a druggie and alcoholic then, why were you in rehab? You paint yourself as a victim but your wife is The victim. Let her go, she deserves better.
 

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So are you blaming your adultery on having a sex addiction? Or are you taking responsibility for that sin you chose to committ?

The thing is that you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage, that for her to decide.
The wife has a biblical reason to end the marriage, he’s an adulterer.
 

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Desire is not meant to be a slot machine... all you do is gamble away all self-respect in your search for the attachment du jour jackpot.

What are your odds of losing everything?

If she were the one behaving as you have, what advice would you be asking here?
 
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