Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 64 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
There’s so much to this love story but I’ll try to sum it up. Married My high school sweetheart we got 4 kids. Been married 10 years. I was faithful first five years. Last five I’ve been a animal. We’ve done so much counseling I should be a therapist.

But I Recently caught cheating again so we back at square one with the whole let her heal before we work on the marriage thing. And Meanwhile I just got home from rehab and feel the best I’ve felt since In 5 years.

I honestly just feel I’ve hurt her so much that it’s just time for me to man up and let her go! This women has held me down for so long but I continue to cheat. Ive been wanting to leave her but i hated the thought of another man touching her so I held on but indulged In a double life. I no longer want to live that way and after rehab I thought I wanted her and I vowed to do right and stuff but The closer I Get to God and the more days go by that we’re separated and I have my own apartment and deal with kids half the time the more I’m realizing I don’t like her and honestly I feel like I hate her. Shrugs it’s weird.


Supposedly I’ve been the only man she has ever had sex with!! She is Just a really awesome women smart sexy business owner etc another man would die to have a women like her. But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?

Guess I’m rambling but my real concern is should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once? I just wanna move on with my life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
177 Posts
In your first line you call it "a love story" but I'm not hearing much about the love.

Like a typical cheater, you wanted others, but could not bear the thought of your wife having others.
She likewise couldn't bear the thought of you with another woman, but she has had to deal with that. Now you will too.

Often cheaters convince themselves that they hate their spouse. This allows them to feel less guilt for their dishonourable behaviour.
It could also be that you feel she is in someway to blame for allowing you to behave this way, or for holding you back from the freedom you crave. A kind of resentment that you have been put in this position.

No point letting her heal then hurting her again.
Has she given any indication that she even wants to continue this half open marriage?

Do you believe you could be faithful to any woman?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
611 Posts
Your wife is apparently a saint to be willing to put up with you and still remain faithful and by your side. Sorry brother, you need to let her go, not the other way around. She deserves a good man and you’re not it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
I suspect that you are afraid to see your wife be with another man, because you yourself have been with other married women, never once thinking about how the their husband must feel knowing their wives are in the arms of another man until now...so you can see the hypocrisy here right.....the point here is that you can't continue to cheat because eventually she will just kick you out of the house with good reason, but clearly she is not enough woman to keep you from cheating ...you are at a cross road brother and its time to face the music.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
553 Posts
There’s so much to this love story but I’ll try to sum it up. Married My high school sweetheart we got 4 kids. Been married 10 years. I was faithful first five years. Last five I’ve been a animal. We’ve done so much counseling I should be a therapist.

But I Recently caught cheating again so we back at square one with the whole let her heal before we work on the marriage thing. And Meanwhile I just got home from rehab and feel the best I’ve felt since In 5 years.

I honestly just feel I’ve hurt her so much that it’s just time for me to man up and let her go! This women has held me down for so long but I continue to cheat. Ive been wanting to leave her but i hated the thought of another man touching her so I held on but indulged In a double life. I no longer want to live that way and after rehab I thought I wanted her and I vowed to do right and stuff but The closer I Get to God and the more days go by that we’re separated and I have my own apartment and deal with kids half the time the more I’m realizing I don’t like her and honestly I feel like I hate her. Shrugs it’s weird.


Supposedly I’ve been the only man she has ever had sex with!! She is Just a really awesome women smart sexy business owner etc another man would die to have a women like her. But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?

Guess I’m rambling but my real concern is should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once? I just wanna move on with my life.
Hey, thanks for sharing your story.

On a positive note, glad to hear that you're feeling well after rehab, kudos to you for that.

So, my take on your situation is that, if you think your wife deserves better treatment (and I would have to agree here), then you should let her go, and that's probably the most selfless thing you can do. I imagine she will not be happy about it, but you're honest about the fact that you can't stay loyal, for whatever the reasons are. I feel really bad for her, that she put up with all this and took you back, but she deserves to live a better life.

Is she aware of the fact that you've been cheating recently?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,162 Posts
I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?
Hmm... maybe because looking at her is a reminder of how ****ty a person you are?

It's easier to toss her to the side than deal with your issues that you clearly haven't dealt with. You've had years and years of therapy but that doesn't mean much when you kept cheating. Either you didn't put in the work or the therapist(s) sucked, or both.

And honestly, if you've had so much therapy you'd know why you "hate" her and suddenly want out. I can guarantee you it's not always about actually hating them and you have to take a good, long hard look at yourself instead.

should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once?
So, first off you should discuss this recent revelation with your therapist.

If you won't do that then no, you should not wait. Right now she is trying to decide if she wants to reconcile or not. Don't make her go through all of that just for you to say you don't want her. Let her heal and move on from the serial cheating and divorce at the same time. But there is also no going back after you tell her. Stop hurting her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,067 Posts
clearly she is not enough woman to keep you from cheating .
Oh, clearly. Also, clearly, she was not enough woman to prevent him requiring rehab for whatever the required reason.

Clearly, she's just a damn dirty dog who is beneath this fine specimen of a husband and father.

OP, you deserve so, so much better. Venture forth and find yourself a woman equal to your caliber.🤮🤮🤮
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
In your first line you call it "a love story" but I'm not hearing much about the love.

Like a typical cheater, you wanted others, but could not bear the thought of your wife having others.
She likewise couldn't bear the thought of you with another woman, but she has had to deal with that. Now you will too.

Often cheaters convince themselves that they hate their spouse. This allows them to feel less guilt for their dishonourable behaviour.
It could also be that you feel she is in someway to blame for allowing you to behave this way, or for holding you back from the freedom you crave. A kind of resentment that you have been put in this position.

No point letting her heal then hurting her again.
Has she given any indication that she even wants to continue this half open marriage?

Do you believe you could be faithful to any woman?
Wow that actually makes since. I could be very resentful of her because I feel I’m holding back freedom that I crave! Thanks for that perspective. I’m just trying find answers cause she wants to reconcile but for some reason I feel better thinking of being divorced than I do being married.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
In your first line you call it "a love story" but I'm not hearing much about the love.

Like a typical cheater, you wanted others, but could not bear the thought of your wife having others.
She likewise couldn't bear the thought of you with another woman, but she has had to deal with that. Now you will too.

Often cheaters convince themselves that they hate their spouse. This allows them to feel less guilt for their dishonourable behaviour.
It could also be that you feel she is in someway to blame for allowing you to behave this way, or for holding you back from the freedom you crave. A kind of resentment that you have been put in this position.

No point letting her heal then hurting her again.
Has she given any indication that she even wants to continue this half open marriage?

Do you believe you could be faithful to any woman?
Sorry I didn’t answer your last question. I can be faithful to the right women, but I for sure would never be in a committed relationship ever again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
761 Posts
But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?
That's because when you see yourself in the mirror of your mind, you don't have the guts to really look at you, because what you see is ugly; and as an act of hypocritical cowardly you reflect it back to your wife in your mind. It is that simple.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
What happened 5 years ago ?




You're going to the right place. Keep on going there...... God brings the truth to us.....
I was a devoted Christian the first 5 years. Then I pretty much stop believeing and that’s when I went on a prodigal journey of sin and unbelief for 5 years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,470 Posts
I was a devoted Christian the first 5 years. Then I pretty much stop believeing and that’s when I went on a prodigal journey of sin and unbelief for 5 years.
Nothing like a self destructive road. Congratulations. Anyway, let your W go so she can find some normalcy in her life. Second, make sure the child support checks are on time. Best of luck.
 
1 - 20 of 64 Posts
Top