Why Did He Do It

So I had the gut feeling a few months ago, found a few things that made me suspicious of husband. I went a little crazy trying to figure out what was happening. Confronted husband told him I didn't trust him anymore after almost 14 years of marriage. I have felt like we have always had a pretty good marriage, 2 kids, do pretty well financially, steady sex life etc. Told him I needed him to take a polygraph test or I didn't think I could trust him again. Husband agreed to test but was very hesitant, morning of test husband admits to getting a hand job at a massage parlor while away for work. We talked, told husband I still needed him to go ahead with the test, he did, wasn't happy about it. I end up finding out that he had a ONS a few years after we were married, and has been to massage parlors 4 times in the last few years that ended with hand jobs. Polygraph tester told me that besides the above mentioned things he was truthful about nothing else happening.

The first week after discovering the news I think I was in shock, husband has been very remorseful, said he is willing to do whatever is necessary for me to forgive him and get past this. Agrees to go to marriage counseling, answer my questions truthfully, talk more, spend more time together etc. I felt really good last week, we talked a lot, spent hours talking etc.

This week has been much harder, I can't stop thinking about what he has done. I really want to know why this happened, he keeps telling me it had nothing to do with me and he is so ashamed of what he has done, but doesn't know why he did it.