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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I do not mean any disrespect when I post this, so hopefully nobody will be offended.

My revenge AP was nowhere near as attractive as my wife.

So... why have an affair with someone less attractive than our spouse?

Is this because that is what we see ourselves as being worth? Someone less attractive than our spouse?

Or because it is not about love it is about sex, only? And if you had a beautiful lover, you might fall for them and leave your loyal, faithful spouse?

This has been puzzling me for days. Anyone got any other ideas on this?:scratchhead:
 

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Not being the one who cheated, I'm not sure if I'm really able to answer this one, but I want to anyway :p. The vengeful, angry part of me wants to say it's because he can't get any better, but honestly I don't know. In all reality, I feel like he could do way better, and I'm not sure why he struck out. When I went on his ******* account and looked in his messages I saw an amazing amount of dogs compared to a few ok looking girls though. I should ask him about it..
 

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Matt, I think you need to separate 'attractiveness' from physical attractiveness.

What I mean is that looks have nothing to do with why a person may or may not cheat. I think the fact that having sex with someone 'different' from their spouse is what attracts the cheater.

Interestingly, although I never cheated, when my ex had limited my sex quota to such a miniscule amount, even 'ugly' women started looking attractive to me.
 

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First of all it's for revenge which means you are already questioning your self image from your wife having cheated on you. Second a lower rank female is what you think you can get with this lower self image. You choose some one that you think you have the greatest shot at success.
 

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I think you see your spouse as being more attractive then the person you cheat with because you have more years with your wife, more time to be attracted to her, not just physically. Someone looking at your wife might not see her in the way you do. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! :)
 

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#1 ugly ones have less sexual partners = less chance of STDs

#2 the ugly ones try harder.

Those are the top two for My FWW....in that order.
 

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My observation, in general, is that cheating often has little to do with sex and a lot to do with validation.

We take our spouses for granted.

Other man or other woman come build them up to be their princess or their hero, make them feel special in a way that we stopped doing.

Who doesn't want to be around someone who tells you how great and beautiful you are all the time? It may be that the less attractive affair partner is more grateful to be with someone so attractive, so they are gushing over them all the time. The cheater's spouse is not giving this to them, at least not at this level.

Anyway, in general, that's what I usually observe when someone has an affair with someone much less attractive.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Matt, I think you need to separate 'attractiveness' from physical attractiveness.

What I mean is that looks have nothing to do with why a person may or may not cheat. I think the fact that having sex with someone 'different' from their spouse is what attracts the cheater.

Interestingly, although I never cheated, when my ex had limited my sex quota to such a miniscule amount, even 'ugly' women started looking attractive to me.
In truth my AP had an ugly personality, too. I really did down grade my ticket.:confused:
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Considering the way your goofy azz wife treats you sometimes Matt....

I would say that you probably were attracted to your AP because....oh....I dunno....

....maybe because she was nice to you??? :awink:
The truth? Something so stupid I feel dumb everytime I mention it.

My wife didn't like Star Trek, AP loved it. OMG. Infidelity caused by bloody Star Trek. Jeez! :rolleyes:
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I think you see your spouse as being more attractive then the person you cheat with because you have more years with your wife, more time to be attracted to her, not just physically. Someone looking at your wife might not see her in the way you do. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! :)
In truth, my wife is very, very pretty. Other people have commented to me on this subject.:eek:
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
First of all it's for revenge which means you are already questioning your self image from your wife having cheated on you. Second a lower rank female is what you think you can get with this lower self image. You choose some one that you think you have the greatest shot at success.
Well, sort of. AP chose me, in reality. It transpired she had been after me for several years as she thought I'd be an ideal father figure for her two children.

And she took the opportunity to land me when she had the opportunity.
 

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The AP had a worse personality than your wife? So you're attracted to women who emotionally abuse you?

That's pretty fvcked up Matt.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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The truth? Something so stupid I feel dumb everytime I mention it.

My wife didn't like Star Trek, AP loved it. OMG. Infidelity caused by bloody Star Trek. Jeez! :rolleyes:
Sheesh, my respect for you is diminished. Star Trek?????????

Now had it been Doctor Who, different story. You British should stick with your British shows!!!!!
 

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I do not mean any disrespect when I post this, so hopefully nobody will be offended.

My revenge AP was nowhere near as attractive as my wife.

So... why have an affair with someone less attractive than our spouse?

Is this because that is what we see ourselves as being worth? Someone less attractive than our spouse?

Or because it is not about love it is about sex, only? And if you had a beautiful lover, you might fall for them and leave your loyal, faithful spouse?

This has been puzzling me for days. Anyone got any other ideas on this?:scratchhead:

I honestly think that most WS end up cheating with men/women that are nothing near as wonderful, as the BS...

When I was 24 my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a girl most considered a "hell troll". His uncle years later, asked him "what were you thinking letting this girl (me) go?
 

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Don't know how true this is, but I've read that women tend to cheat "up" and men tend to cheat "down".
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Don't know how true this is, but I've read that women tend to cheat "up" and men tend to cheat "down".
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I read this too. Also, that 9/10 men who admit to cheating will also admit that their AP was significantly less attractive than their spouse.

It's true in my case OW is FUGLY!!!
 

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A lot of the "up" or "down" characteristics of APs were socio-economic factors, not necessarily physical appearance, I believe.
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Now bare in mind I have not cheated, but my H has. This is purely based on what I have observed.

I think most of the time a spouse cheats because they feel like they are not having their needs met. Laco of physical needs being met leads to emotional needs not being met.

They meet someone, they are comfortable with that person, they develop a connection, emotional needs start to be filled and cheating occurs.

Maybe a spouse whose emotional needs are not being met have a poor sense of self worth and they avoid chatting to gorgeous people, maybe the less 'attractive' people are more available, I don't know.
 
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