[Megaforce]

I'm trying to figure out your POV. Right now we have a corrupt government who is looking to get rid of the middle class. So, we are on our own. Are you angry about how you were treated?

Concern over the issues in government , and being angry over cheating are not mutually exclusive. I expect he can walk and chew gum at the same time.

 

[blackclover3]

and again, I'm not talking about bad parenting who fights all the time in front of kids - this is a different case. I'm talking about introducing a stranger to the formula that's already going through a bad time.

even in business, you open a store with a partner - then this partner goes out and becomes also a partner with your competitor. this is a conflict of interest and has destructive consequences for a business.

One spouse will be in a honeymoon kind of phase with her affair partner. the affair partner will go above and beyond to impress his cheater by bringing her kids to his side - a Dad or Mom will find themselves now competing to keep up just to keep their children close. the betrayed spouse not only has to go through the betrayal but now the feeling of lose the kids to the affair partner.

One colleague always showed her husband and two boys in the office, pictures all over the place, during conference calls she has the camera open and the kids and husband walk around and say hi, they looked happy. she always praised her husband. one month later, after they bought a house, she moved out to her AP. then her facebook account filled with photos of them going all over America, and taking pictures with her kids and AP. I was blown away, by her AP holding the kids as if they are his own etcc. he looks like he got money more than his husband.

 

[blackclover3]

I'm trying to figure out your POV. Right now, we have a corrupt government who is looking to get rid of the middle class. So, we are on our own.

Are you angry about how you were treated?

not at all, I'm happily married - but angry for betrayed spouses who gets replaced and have to share their kids with AP. angry about kids having to go through this confusing, complex, stressful and f'up experience because one spouse thinks it is greener on the other side

 

[heather42]

Concern over the issues in government , and being angry over cheating are not mutually exclusive. I expect he can walk and chew gum at the same time.

OK.

 

[heather42]

not at all, I'm happily married - but angry for betrayed spouses who gets replaced and have to share their kids with AP. angry about kids having to go through this confusing, complex, stressful and f'up experience because one spouse thinks it is greener on the other side

I think it comes from a culture of entitlement and focus on "the self" instead of "the family."

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

No matter what evidence is provided…even by those who have been through it for the better you probably will only hold fast to that belief. Under the surface layer it’s just a moral police tool to punish an (ex)spouse.

The court system has long learned that playing moral police is a dead end though the hurt people in the world stick to it like grim death.

The courts haven't learned enough. This approving of schools fostering and promoting gender change and saying it's legal to not tell parents..... that's fn child abuse.

 

[Megaforce]

I think cheating should be considered in custody issues. It is a factor demonstrating dishonesty and lack of empathy. It does impact the kids more than if this was just a straight up divorce.

 

[Mr.Married]

The courts haven't learned enough. This approving of schools fostering and promoting gender change and saying it's legal to not tell parents..... that's fn child abuse.

My reference was only in the matter of divorce which is the topic at hand.

 

[blackclover3]

I think it comes from a culture of entitlement and focus on "the self" instead of "the family."

 

[heather42]

how is that Self instead of family, and what culture has to do with it?

heather, have you cheated on your spouse?

WTF????

Your question is insulting. I don't think you actually understand what I'm saying so I'm out of this thread.

 

[blackclover3]

WTF????

Your question is insulting. I don't think you actually understand what I'm saying so I'm out of this thread.

I will delete it - not my intention

 

[blackclover3]

WTF????

Your question is insulting. I don't think you actually understand what I'm saying so I'm out of this thread.

would you please elaborate and help me understand

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

My reference was only in the matter of divorce which is the topic at hand.

Isn't child abuse in the title though?

 

[heather42]

would you please elaborate and help me understand

OK. LOL.

Right now we are living in a broken society. The word "culture" as I use it here is referred to the "leftist" agenda being pushed to the masses. The breakdown of the nuclear family is in essence the breakdown of freedom. I believe in traditional values and men and women working side by side in marriage as a unit to grow and nurture the next generation.

But somehow all of this has gotten lost. Marriage is a contract of the soul that you must enter into with eyes wide open. Love, respect, compromise and hardship is part of the package. Most ppl are too selfish for this lifestyle and that is because our "culture" doesn't instill these values. There is a warped agenda going through the world. The family unit and our freedom is collapsing.

 

[Mr.Married]

Isn't child abuse in the title though?

Well on second thought it would appear you are correct 🤣🤣🤣

 

[Benbutton]

From a legal standpoint, it would have to meet the elements required for child abuse and/or neglect, for which it doesn't...at least in my state.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

No matter what evidence is provided…even by those who have been through it for the better you probably will only hold fast to that belief. Under the surface layer it’s just a moral police tool to punish an (ex)spouse.

The court system has long learned that playing moral police is a dead end though the hurt people in the world stick to it like grim death.

And just because one spouse proves another is cheating does not prove that the other spouse is also not cheating. Very often the suspicious one is the one cheating.

 

[QuietRiot]

the abuse toward the children comes from the fight and stress one put the other spouse through. the entire family becomes traumatized by that event and kids can sense that no matter how much you mask it.

Wouldn't you think introducing kids to an affair partner while spouses still living together is not kids' emotional abuse? I've seen a spouse asking her kids to call her affair partner their stepdad before she even moves out of her husband's.

I'm not referring to a spouse passing away and then introducing them to someone else. I meant by the post making them go through the stress and emotion of someone's decision to stray and all of the sudden bringing a new partner.

More government control? we already do have government control when one spouse ends up getting kicked out of the house paying alimony for a spouse who replaced him overnight.

the current government control over family in many cases is one-sided - takes the mother's side.

or imagine a housewife who stayed by her husband all these years then all of a sudden he introduces a stepmom? do you think the mother and kids will ever forget

Parental alienation and abuse occurs in many divorces with or without cheating. BS are many times to blame for emotional abuse of their children because of hurt and anger , so should the court then put the kids into the system if the cheater is then mandated an automatic child abuser? I mean. It sucks, but it’s more about the people in the situation rather than the situation itself. It’s not the cheating resulting in child abuse of whatever form, it’s the actions of the person/s doing the parenting.

 

[Annonymous Joe]

If spouses fight, leave the house, and one gets full custody over the other because and I quote "the court to determine custody based solely on what's in the children's best interests, without regard to the parent's gender "

THEN, why cheating is not considered child abuse - some reasons I list below and I'm sure all of you can think of more

1- one spouse taking time out of her/his children to focus on someone else - neglect
2- emotional stress and anxiety that children go through when they see and feel spouses cheating
3- emotional confusion and destruction when kids get introduced to a new partner "this is your stepdad or mom" " or dad or mom bf or gf"

Kids cant express what they feel in words - many shy away from saying how they feel - you might hear " I wish mom and dad live together" these words could summarize their agony and stress.

Spouses excuse or justification - we are better off divorced than together for the kids to be happy.... WRONG

I find this thread fascinating and a lot of responses coming from people who probably have not lived through it. I have lived through this as both a child and a spouse, and have friends who have as well. To be clear, I would not define this as child abuse, even if it is wrong. Does it usually mess up the children in the aftermath? 100%. It's a lose-lose situation for the child. This, however, does not make it child abuse, just an insanely selfish act that does not consider the impact of such behavior on others. There are a many opinions on how to best handle this, and it's a tricky subject, but I have seen firsthand the direct aftermath impact on the children, in a variety of ways, but the courts should not be involved in this as a form of child abuse. I could argue what "should" be done, but not with court involvement.

 

[Lila]

I lived through this with my ex husband. He left me for his AP, who he is with to this day. My son was 12 at the time, and although he was distraught about the divorce, he did really well overall. Why? Because a) I didn't tell him his father left us for another woman, b) I never spoke bad about his dad to him, c) my ex husband is a great father even if he was a ****ty husband to towards the end, and d) my ex and I put our son's well being above our personal grievances against each other.

I have to agree with @QuietRiot , "It’s not the cheating resulting in child abuse of whatever form, it’s the actions of the person/s doing the parenting." My kid is proof that kids can still grow up healthy and whole even after infidelity, divorce, and one or both parents re-partnering.