I never in a million years thought there would be a time where I did not feel like a team. I feel mad, angry, pissed that he is not fighting for us. I want my heart to listen to my head, and move on. I want to feel better!
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I understand how you feel. It's really miserable.
Even if your heart isn't doing what your head tells you it should, you can take care of yourself in a way that might help you to get better with or without him.
So, your h is gone and you are sitting in a room waiting for him. Everyone says, "quit sitting in the room; go out and get a new place; invite someone else into the room", but you only want your partner. So, even though it doesn't look like he's coming back, you stay put in that room and hope he will come back. Your head says, "get out of this room". Your heart says, "but he might come back, so stay". Well, you can't bring yourself to leave the room, as you have said. You can, however, choose how you spend your time in that room. You can sit there and stare out the window, knowing you won't see him because you're in Tokyo and he's in Moscow, and maybe that vigilance will pay off when you see him walk back to the building; chances are, though, that it will have built up too much pressure and ultimately dissatisfy you if/when it happens; and chances are that you'll be watching a whole lot of things and wasting away doing nothing but waiting. You could, also do other things while you wait in that room. Even Penelope took up an occupation while waiting for Odysseus to return -- weaving a tapestry and then unweaving it only to start all over again with the whole; it seems she might have been better served making new tapestries each time and maybe sold some or given others joy with them. Like her, you could do something else while you wait.
If you can't let go of hope, then, don't. But, if you sit there in your despair, you're neither going to bring him back by your sheer force of will, nor will you make him want to stay if he happens to come back for some reason and sees you there. So, if you want to keep your heart there for him, then do so...but leave him alone to do whatever he's up to and take care of yourself in the meantime. Learn your city, be the most amazing you that you can be. If he comes back, he will want to stay, then.
Maybe I'm saying this as much to myself as to you. What I'm saying is, even if you can't move on, then move in place rather than petrifying there. You can't just give up and fall down. You may not be ready to move on. However, you can't sit there gripping your closed fists around a ghost and not moving at all in the hopes that it will materialize.
I don't know your whole story, so forgive me. However, I do think that the 180 will help. The 180 is not about giving someone the cold shoulder or playing hard to get. It's more about taking care of yourself while the other person is up to whatever shenanigans and saying that you care enough about yourself not to be jerked around. If you demonstrate confidence and liveliness, then your partner is more likely to want to be with you. If you ooze desperation, you're just shooting yourself in the foot.
Can't handle not talking to him? Write him letters and DON'T send them, but put them in envelopes in a locked box (give a friend the key so you can't get them and mail them in a moment of weakness); you'll still feel like you're expressing yourself to him and so that impulse will be handled. Can't bear the thought of your h being gone forever? Get through the day by imagining he's just out of town. Eventually, you'll be able to accept things and move on -- or else some other resolution will come up. At any rate, do your best not to stay petrified in one spot. Do your best to act as if everything is going to be fine, even if you can't believe it, because then you have a chance that it could be so.
