I find myself always thinking of the A my W had. She and i want to put it in the past. we are over 5 years into a R and i cant let go. I have been to IC and MC off and on. i just cant seem to let it go. i get triggered and spiral from there. i make list of why i shoud stay and why i should go. my stay list out weighs my go list. we never argue, we enjoy the same things and have a wonderful time doing them and that will trigger me. i will say to myself, why if we have such a good time,why did she stray. its just hard and years dont help. we have so much going our way and im not happy.i have been months with not even thinking of it and then like a ton brick im slapped back to d-day. i have tried to leave and the kid break my heart. sometimes i feel like im stuck because of the kids, they want us together. we are 33 and will be 100% debt free at 35. we will own our home, cars and business. our close friends have money problems and argue over it all the time.we give them financial advice. i grew up in a home that had financial problem, i promised never to have that problem. sometimes i think thats my biggest trigger. i worked all my 20s to get a home, have a family, provided a childhood she and i never had and then get slapped in the face. I could type for years but i will stop u get the point. i want to leave then i cant it will break her heart my heart and the kids heart. i know with the money i make i would never be alone . my wife is 100x more attractive than i. i know she is not in it for the money because we got married young and built all this together. I just cant grasp if we have all this why did she stray. if she loves me why did she do it. its just hard is all i can say.she has told me 1000x if she could go back and change it she would but it dont help.