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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband thinks therapists or any type of counseling is for "crazy" people. He does not think that some "d...head" could help us in any way.
To me is very harsh to call someone -with two degrees in psychology and family counseling, years of experience -that NAME and think he cannot help us.
Why is it that some men see counseling or therapy as enemy to them?
 

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Why is it that some men see counseling or therapy as enemy to them?
IMO, men are more skeptical of everything. That also means they're less likely to see a doctor when something is wrong.
 

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Why is it that some men see counseling or therapy as enemy to them?
Traditionally, too many women have used counseling as a trap to gather more information to use against their husbands in divorce proceedings and try to get a better settlement. Today's no fault environment makes that a lot less valuable but many men are still fearful and unfortunately, some women are still scheming.

In my personal situation, my wife views counseling or therapy as a punishment that she can cause me to be subjected to when she has judged me to be culpable. Something like "you have to go to counseling because you've been a bad boy". This is self fulfilling for her. She never pays attention when we go and after a couple sessions she loses interest.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
My husband always blamed me for everything. I told him, if that is true, should not you be happy to find out you were right and hear confirmation from professional? What are you afraid of then?
I think it would just help him to open up. He lost his dad recently, got stressful job, anger problems and me on the top of it. :)

He said he will do MC if I admit to work on myself. Just make me wonder why is it always me who has to start with everything?

But I am open to all help I can get. Even though it may be hard pill to swallow.
 

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therapist only tell you the things you already know or are afraid to admit.

I have been 2 times in my life, both were a waste of time. The therapist I dated was a complete headcase. what kind of person would want to dedicate their life to hearing other people's crap??? they deal in theory, they agree with you.

If a therapist want to gain my respect they have to be willing to practically slap me in the face with my flaws. but in my experience and from what i have witnessed. they just chat with you for an hour, collect their fee and schedule the next appt. for them to actually accomplish anything would make them unessecary.

off the top of my head anyway...
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
therapist only tell you the things you already know or are afraid to admit.

I have been 2 times in my life, both were a waste of time. The therapist I dated was a complete headcase. what kind of person would want to dedicate their life to hearing other people's crap??? they deal in theory, they agree with you.

If a therapist want to gain my respect they have to be willing to practically slap me in the face with my flaws. but in my experience and from what i have witnessed. they just chat with you for an hour, collect their fee and schedule the next appt. for them to actually accomplish anything would make them unessecary.

off the top of my head anyway...
Hope that won't be my case. I am putting my hopes in my MC. I had IC before. I really liked that lady but she would talk about her life for quite some time.
 

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I don't think it's gender specific.

Many people are afraid of the unknown. It could be he has no idea what to expect from counselling so voices his fear as distrust of the process.

The other possibility is as others suggested he's afraid to confront his demons.

My ex was dismissive of counselling. There are parts of her childhood that she does not remember. I'm suspicious she has buried things and is terrified of digging them up.
 

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Marital therapy focuses on the relationship and patterns in the relationship. Too often men think the therapists are too focused on emotions, etc, and forget that martial therapists can very effectively help couples build better problem solving strategies and better communication skills. It is often helpful to suggest that couples try 6-8 sessions and see of it is helpful. This will often lower defensiveness
Finding the right qualified marital therapist, who has specialty training in marital therapy is essential
David Olsen, PHD, LMFT
 

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Because the last thing I need is some enabling douche bag to be telling me its my fault the affair happened.
 

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I went to counselling when my marriage broke down. At first it was with the hope of saving the marriage but quickly turned into individual counselling to help me move forward.

One thing I learned is you have to find the right counsellor for you. You may not necessarily click with the first one so in that case I recommend trying a new one.

I can appreciate finding a couples counsellor acceptable to both sides is a greater challenge. I never got the far so I don't have experience with that.
 

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You seem to think it's just men who complain and fight it. A woman can be just as resistant. It can be uncomfortable, because a good counselor is going to be neutral, and either partner might not like learning that both of them are part of the problem, and that its wrong to blame just one person.
 

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Men are usually afraid to go to MC or IC because of ego.

Very few people could admit that they were wrong,we all like validation.
With men it is even harder , because he sees himself as leader.
But I have learnt that sometimes and outside view can present a different vantage point on a problem.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Because the last thing I need is some enabling douche bag to be telling me its my fault the affair happened.
I do not think any counselor would tell you that. Nor they will make decision for you to get divorce. Or at least that is my experience.
 

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My husband thinks therapists or any type of counseling is for "crazy" people. He does not think that some "d...head" could help us in any way.
To me is very harsh to call someone -with two degrees in psychology and family counseling, years of experience -that NAME and think he cannot help us.
Why is it that some men see counseling or therapy as enemy to them?
Probably afraid the counselor will confirm he is doing something wrong and needs to actually put in some effort to fix it, and they don't want to. They want to believe they are right, and always right.

In all fairness though...I do agree with what some of the guys on here have said about guys not being comfortable with the emotion aspect of it, and liking to fix things themselves.
 

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My husband thinks therapists or any type of counseling is for "crazy" people. He does not think that some "d...head" could help us in any way.
To me is very harsh to call someone -with two degrees in psychology and family counseling, years of experience -that NAME and think he cannot help us.
Why is it that some men see counseling or therapy as enemy to them?
My husband, when he found out I was going to a different counselor on a weekly basis, said, "Great! Those always turn out so well in the end..." which I took to mean that he knows they are going to make me see he's an a**hole and needs to change, he won't change, so I'll end up leaving him in the end. So he knows it won't turn out good FOR HIM.
 
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