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I get easily upset when some of my relatives say that Russians are brutal descendants of Gengis Khan who supported Stalin (I am a Russian married to an American). They have no problem raising this issue even at family Christmas dinners. My husband thinks it's OK and calls me confrontational every time I tried to voice my objections to such insensitivity. Our disagreement on this subject puts strain on our relationship and I don't know how I can find a peace of mind. Please help.
 

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I got nothing, the same can be said about my Viking ancestors. Contrary to belief, not all of us were looters and pillagers.
 
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I get easily upset when some of my relatives say that Russians are brutal descendants of Gengis Khan who supported Stalin (I am a Russian married to an American). They have no problem raising this issue even at family Christmas dinners. My husband thinks it's OK and calls me confrontational every time I tried to voice my objections to such insensitivity. Our disagreement on this subject puts strain on our relationship and I don't know how I can find a peace of mind. Please help.
Are your husband's relatives unhappy that he married you? If they are, you aren't going to change their mind. Do they have memories of The Cold War or Stalin's policies? If they do, they aren't going to change their mind.

When they bring it up, change the subject. Your husband's okay with it so he's not going to have your back on this. It will be up to you to defuse the situation. Smile and talk about the food.
 

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I get easily upset when some of my relatives say that Russians are brutal descendants of Gengis Khan who supported Stalin (I am a Russian married to an American). They have no problem raising this issue even at family Christmas dinners. My husband thinks it's OK and calls me confrontational every time I tried to voice my objections to such insensitivity. Our disagreement on this subject puts strain on our relationship and I don't know how I can find a peace of mind. Please help.
Pffft. Not only are they mean - they're stupid. Genghis Khan was Mongolian. Russians - depends on where they are from because it is a polyglot of indigenous peoples vs European mixes etc. Over a hundred different ethnicities.

Stalin died more than half a century ago, in an era when he was our fricking ALLY in defeating the Axis powers in WWII. But these people aren't interested in history.

What they're interested in doing is putting you down. They know it bothers you, so that's why they do it. Your husband is being a jerk of the first magnitude, and I would be leveling consequences upon him: you support me or I am out of here.

It is incumbent upon a man marrying a foreign wife not just to support her but to become familiar with her country's history, her culture, her extended family - I knew more about my wife's history than she did. (Philippines). I had already spent years immersed in her culture, and showing deference to that got the panties off real quick. I moved in with her family for three months when we first met and boy was that a GREAT time.

A lot of these Americans are arrogant and stupid about their foreign wife. They meet them on the internet, see them once because that's what immigration requires, then immigrate them with the expectation that it is the woman who should do all of the adjusting and show how she thinks America is so perfect vs where they come from which is all backwards and stupid.

They get what they deserve, which is their wife leaving them for a decent man after they get their green card.

I'm guessing you came in on a K-1 visa. Or was it K-3? Have you adjusted status yet?
 

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The only people who really "support" a dictator are his close staff who enjoy the good life because of the regime change. Everyone else just tries to endures them, and toe the party line enough not to get sent to death camps/"re-education."

While counter-productive, and this is mostly tongue-in-cheek, you could always fight fire with fire and comment about Americans killing all the First Nations people. If that wasn't brutal, I'm not even sure what qualifies.
 

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Stalin died more than half a century ago, in an era when he was our fricking ALLY in defeating the Axis powers in WWII.
Yes.

And ask them who they would be now without the 27 million Russians that died in WWII defending against Hitler's attempt to take over the world.

Or maybe ask your American relatives about how this country was founded on slavery and our original Constitution considered black people worth 3/5th of a white person.

Or just laugh and keep eating your dinner. Buy them all history books for Christmas.
 

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The great thing about Christmas is it only comes once a year. His family has quirks and undesirable traits like every other family. Luckily, this one is just based on ignorance and can be cured. Very likely, other than yourself they've never met a Russian and wouldn't recognize a communist if one screwed an AK-47 in their ear. My saintly grandmother never used bad language but she was 12 years old before she learned "damnedyankee" was actually two words. Her opinion was based solely on crap she'd heard. She had never even met a Northerner.
People love to talk and it's not necessary that they actually know what they're talking about. You are in a great position to show by your friendly, loving demeanor that they are wrong and Russians are like everyone else. They have dysfunctional families, crappy jobs, leaky faucets, disobedient kids, pregnant cats, and they can't eat Christmas dinner without a bunch of drama, either. I'm an American and proud of it. I adore my people but most of us know doodley-squat about history or geography and our manners aren't always the greatest. We gave the world "Honey Boo Boo". 'nuff said. Remember your new home is inhabited by the descendants of people who were kicked out of every other country. Pass the pumpkin pie, please.
 

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The great thing about Christmas is it only comes once a year. His family has quirks and undesirable traits like every other family. Luckily, this one is just based on ignorance and can be cured. Very likely, other than yourself they've never met a Russian and wouldn't recognize a communist if one screwed an AK-47 in their ear. My saintly grandmother never used bad language but she was 12 years old before she learned "damnedyankee" was actually two words. Her opinion was based solely on crap she'd heard. She had never even met a Northerner.
People love to talk and it's not necessary that they actually know what they're talking about. You are in a great position to show by your friendly, loving demeanor that they are wrong and Russians are like everyone else. They have dysfunctional families, crappy jobs, leaky faucets, disobedient kids, pregnant cats, and they can't eat Christmas dinner without a bunch of drama, either. I'm an American and proud of it. I adore my people but most of us know doodley-squat about history or geography and our manners aren't always the greatest. We gave the world "Honey Boo Boo". 'nuff said. Remember your new home is inhabited by the descendants of people who were kicked out of every other country. Pass the pumpkin pie, please.
Not to be overly political, all you have to do is look at our elected "Leaders"
 

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Have you considered printing up the two pieces of history they are trying to use against you and slapping the truth on the table between you and them them smiling sweetly and walking away without a word said.

That's what I would do.
 

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I get easily upset when some of my relatives say that Russians are brutal descendants of Gengis Khan who supported Stalin (I am a Russian married to an American). They have no problem raising this issue even at family Christmas dinners. My husband thinks it's OK and calls me confrontational every time I tried to voice my objections to such insensitivity. Our disagreement on this subject puts strain on our relationship and I don't know how I can find a peace of mind. Please help.
It's sad your husband doesn't stick up for you. Honestly knew of a situation somewhat similiar with an interracial couple. The husband's family would always make bigoted and racist comments/jokes regarding the wife's race with her present and the husband would laugh right along with them or accuse her of being "too sensitive" when she objected or was angry at him for not defending her and putting a stop to it. Eventually it just led her to divorce him. Not exactly the same as your situation but I can see similarities.

Can you avoid his family?? I'd just refuse to be around them if they're going to act like that. I'd also give your husband an earful about standing up for his woman.
 

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Next time you're at dinner with hubby's family and someone refers to your ancestors as "brutal descendents" grab a large kitchen knife, jump up on the table, swing around and around and say "Ok, who is going to be the next one to talk about my brutal relatives?!"
 

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I get easily upset when some of my relatives say that Russians are brutal descendants of Gengis Khan..
^^This is false. Apparently they don't even know or understand classical history.

Next time he tells you that foolishness,
Tell him that the same can be said of India , China, Afghanistan and many other territories.
The The Mughal Empire stretched far and wide, covering over 3 million sq kilometers , and had over 150 million subjects.
It was the largest empire ever, in history.

Simply ask him to prove that his bloodline is not part of that empire and watch him make a fool of himself.
 

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I get easily upset when some of my relatives say that Russians are brutal descendants of Gengis Khan who supported Stalin (I am a Russian married to an American). They have no problem raising this issue even at family Christmas dinners. My husband thinks it's OK and calls me confrontational every time I tried to voice my objections to such insensitivity. Our disagreement on this subject puts strain on our relationship and I don't know how I can find a peace of mind. Please help.
Why are they even talking about this? I am very political, talk politics - and history - all the time and never talk about this. I agree with the others that say they are directing this towards you. Ignore them, they are not worth it. BTW - wait till you have a baby, he/she will be part Russian.........
 

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Are you sure they are trying to be hurtful?

I make jokes like this all the time, im only joking!

Is it possible you are being too sensitive?
 

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And ask them who they would be now without the 27 million Russians that died in WWII defending against Hitler's attempt to take over the world.
Then raped everything with a pulse in Berlin when it fell. They're still Russians after all (no offense, OP).
 
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