Firstly, let me explain I’m a bad-ass guy and I attract bad ass girls. I’m pretty softened up these days, solid career, education and a very stable life, but I have never dropped the bad ass look. 9 times out of 10, if a girl around me is remotely rebel, punk, goth, metal, biker, party-animal, or just plain mischievous or different, they gravitate towards me like I’m a vortex. I wish I could explain it better but I can honestly smell it when it happens. When a girl like this is around me they bring the charmer out of me.
Before my wife, all my previous relationships were with the kind of women described above. All of them (around 9 or so) were fun but very short lived (1-4 months on average). The problem was simple, bad girls come with LARGE amounts of baggage. After each short relationship I would be exhausted and would prefer to be single for a long while until the next one would come along. Should be stated here I never cheated on anyone, ever.
Now 4 years ago I met the woman of my dreams. A girl with an education, a solid career, no baggage and to top it all off: gorgeous. She was NOT the bad ass type and I was relieved. I pinched myself when we got married 2 years ago, and I’ve been happy ever since. Except for... something happened this week.
My wife has serious back problems but we have worked on it quite a bit, especially her. She is often moody because of the pain but she has worked incredibly hard to make the best with the wonderful body she has. I always tell her she’s the most poorly designed yet best built woman in the world. Our sex life is average and around twice a week. I would be happier with 3-4 times a week but she is often sore, and I can understand that. Also, while quite passionate and satisfying, our sex is quite plain. I hate to say this but I have had better sex with other people, but I have never been with a better person overall. While she can be very cranky and dismissive of my advances, she is also very loving a good provider and someone I trust 100%. She trusts me too. We are solid.
Here’s the issue:
4 years ago, during the first month my wife and I were dating, a girl from work (lets call her Megan) asked me out and I had to refuse. Megan was the typical “bad ass” kind, and INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE. Like from 1-10 she’s an 11. She’s the kind of girl that guys drool about and other girls hate and gossip about. She is also rumored to be bisexual and incredibly sexually adventurous. Talk about trouble. Ever since this incident, every time I see her at work I can’t help but feel like I missed out, even though my rational mind knows that whatever would happen between Megan and I would be very brief. Overall, this has not been a problem however, because I’m in a happy relationship and I don’t see Megan that much at work anyways.
Last week, out of the blue I was at a 4-day work function and Megan sat right next to me the whole time. We talked quite a bit and we couldn’t stop staring at each other. After the first day, I was very out of my mind when I came home. I immediately jumped on my wife and we had the best sex in probably the past 6 months. I felt sooooo troubled and confused by this. The next day at the work function I did something really bad and asked Megan if she wanted to go for a quick coffee during our 20 minute break. She says yes. Nothing happened and it was just an innocent coffee but BIG MISTAKE. Now I can’t get her out of my brain.
To make things worse, that very same night something else happened with another girl from one of my classes (I take evening classes). She’s probably 10 years younger than me and wouldn’t you know it, she has a big snake tattoo on her left leg. The tattoo spells certain doom for me as I know instantly what kind of girl this is. After class I walk up to her and we talked for like 5-10 minutes. Her boyfriend eventually pulls up and picks her up and nothing happened or would have happened anyways. But honestly, what is wrong with me? Why am I so smitten and awe-struck by these other women? Why am I sticking my neck out? Why am I trying to get to know them better? I can’t stop thinking about both of them, but why? NO WAY I want to cheat on my wife but these thoughts have got to get out of my head. Is it a mid-life crisis (I’m in my mid-30’s)? Do I just need validation from these women? Am I just bored with my sex life? Or maybe I’m just being normal?
Hopefully this feeling passes. Writing it all out already makes me feel 50% better. Sorry it was so long. I’m open to feedback should anyone feel like it. I’ve read though many posts on this forum and you all seem like a very good bunch.