My husband and I have been together for 8 years- married for about two. Before we got married I did cheat on him multiple times, I actually met him while I was cheating on my ex and we developed this relationship- I was sleeping with both men for a few months and then every so often would sleep with my ex but that stopped before I got married. (I also had a couple random hookups while we were dating/engaged) but again nothing since being married. I guess I was always good at compartmentalizing things because I never really had guilt and I did not get caught. That can't be normal- to not feel guilty- I actually forgot completely about two of the hookups until I really thought about it. I sleep well at night. That scares me a little.
Now I am married and I am having feelings for someone. A friend of my husbands - not a good friend, just someone he has known for a year or two through work. This friend just happens to know my ex oddly enough, and I think something about him reminds me of that bad boy, intense relationship that we had. My husband is good looking, hard working, responsible, we have a good sex life (lots of missionary but he really pays a lot of attention to me under the sheets) he really is a great husband and would be a really good dad, he is very sweet would never yell at me, but sometimes is a little inattentive or distant- no one is perfect though- mostly I just feel like there's no magical spark- lol. I know this is dumb, how can I know I have such great chemistry with someone I barely know. I have been hanging out with this friend of his- only in the presence of my husband- since this summer, only a handful of times, but the last month things have gotten a little heavier and I can't get him out of my head. I am so torn, I know I love my husband but even before we married I would doubt at times that I was in love. I can't bear the thought of hurting him, or embarrassing him at work, and I am really worried that something might happen unless I stay away from this guy. I guess deep down I can admit to myself that I just don't want to get caught. Am I a sociopath to know that I could do this without feeling guilt, how can I do this over and over again to my husband and act like it is no big deal?
And I am delusional to think that I could be in love with this new guy? Love at first sight is just lust + infatuation right?
Now I am married and I am having feelings for someone. A friend of my husbands - not a good friend, just someone he has known for a year or two through work. This friend just happens to know my ex oddly enough, and I think something about him reminds me of that bad boy, intense relationship that we had. My husband is good looking, hard working, responsible, we have a good sex life (lots of missionary but he really pays a lot of attention to me under the sheets) he really is a great husband and would be a really good dad, he is very sweet would never yell at me, but sometimes is a little inattentive or distant- no one is perfect though- mostly I just feel like there's no magical spark- lol. I know this is dumb, how can I know I have such great chemistry with someone I barely know. I have been hanging out with this friend of his- only in the presence of my husband- since this summer, only a handful of times, but the last month things have gotten a little heavier and I can't get him out of my head. I am so torn, I know I love my husband but even before we married I would doubt at times that I was in love. I can't bear the thought of hurting him, or embarrassing him at work, and I am really worried that something might happen unless I stay away from this guy. I guess deep down I can admit to myself that I just don't want to get caught. Am I a sociopath to know that I could do this without feeling guilt, how can I do this over and over again to my husband and act like it is no big deal?
And I am delusional to think that I could be in love with this new guy? Love at first sight is just lust + infatuation right?