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So I have been dating a man for the past 14 months. We both had children. I had 3 girls (8, 6, 4), him 2 girls (11, 9). Planned a August wedding, we ended up canceling. We also in the midst of this were expecting a new one of our own a little boy, he was born in Oct.

Long story short. The moving in together didn't go that great. He ended up moving out a mere 5 months later. The biggest issue we disagreed on the kids. So we disconnected....he said he felt in the middle. I felt abandoned while carrying his child, and he decided to leave and walked out on us. I felt as if he chose the two kids over me, the other kids, and then our kid together.

We have tried to continue on the relationship long distance he lives an hour away, and it is difficult. He even wants/wanted me to move up there to him in July 2013. However until trying to dig for information I now found out that his kids don't really want us together.


FF to now we are kinda taking a break. We did decide to exchange new baby in town in between us. We have only done one exchange.

My question: I take care of LO's day-to-day, pay childcare costs, we are breastfeeding him. He wants to get him everyother weekend. I feel like I shouldn't have to drive to meet him. He should have to come an hour away and pick up LO....Right? He was the one who created the distance, and I am doing a majority of the work anyway.
 

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My experience has been that the party that is the cause of change (in this case distance) is the one responsible for the additional incurred expense.

If you put aside the emotional feelings involved (I know it can be hard). Is having to drive 30 minutes twice a month that big of a deal?

My opinion is that if having to involve a lawyer to settle it comes into the picture then probably not. It would be cheaper to drive 1 hour a month than to pay a lawyer to hopefully not have to drive that.
 

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When I was in this situation it was the my DD's father that was responsible for transportation arrangements, as per our ocourt order. However, I often met him half way (20 minute drive) just for the sake of being nice. We tried to be as amicable as possible, given our situation.
 

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try to split the difference? alternate who drives; meet half way; and btw would suggest both of you consider not having more kids until each is in a stable relationship that looks like it has some legs.
 

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You didn't give enough info.

If you are living where you guys were together and he moved away then it's a no brainer. It's his problem.

If he still lives in the area you guys were and you moved away then the content of this thread is deceptive.

So the question is geographically where were you both and where are you both.
 

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You need to speak to a solicitor and get the maintenance sorted out but in the meantime he should be paying.
For your own information and for future reference make a record of all your child's expenses.
Don't marry this man.
 

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If he is paying child support, then I'd meet halfway. If he isn't, then it's his problem.

Why would you move toward or with him at this point? He hasn't proven any more commitment to the family unit than when he was living there. (From what little you posted anyway) IF he was more commited to the family unit/relationship, he'd want to come and BE there with all of you every weekend, or as much as possible.

Watch his actions, not just his words. If he wants it to happen, he'll SHOW it. If he doesn't.... let him go.
 
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