Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 123 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so we hear all about the spouses that saw the flags, did the PI work and pieced together the puzzle until they finally had enough proof to confront.

Has anybody ever caught their spouse actually doing the deed? would be interested to hear how that went. Discovery is one thing but walking in on it is a hole no issue. Did it play a role in whether or not to reconcile?
 
  • Like
Reactions: mike2do

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,104 Posts
I once heard a guy say that he snuck in to his house while he was at work, opened the bedroom door and some guy was pounding his wife.

He pulled up a chair quietly and proceeded to watch until they noticed him taking pictures.

Which made it really hard for her to deny the affair or that "it wasn't what it looked like."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That's exactly what I'm curious about. It changes so much of the discovery and confrontation part. It makes me wonder just how you proceed from there.

When you find out by seeing texts or reading emails it's left to the imagination what happened and you can Imagine some pretty bad things but when you walk in on it and see them in the act there is no undoing what you've seen.

At least with imagination you can eventually convince yourself it wasn't real, you can't do that when you had a front row seat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,232 Posts
I once heard a guy say that he snuck in to his house while he was at work, opened the bedroom door and some guy was pounding his wife.

He pulled up a chair quietly and proceeded to watch until they noticed him taking pictures.

Which made it really hard for her to deny the affair or that "it wasn't what it looked like."
OMG I don't know if I could have kept from either flattening their heads with something large or bursting out laughing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,910 Posts
no thank GOD!

it's bad enough learning about it months later or years and getting the visual movies playing in your head.

for that matter, the mind movies before you even know, but when you suspect are bad enough.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,385 Posts
A good friend and I worked together. I was due to be in her wedding in 6 weeks.

She took a late lunch one day and noticed she forgot her salad dressing so she decided to run home to get it. They lived in a duplex house so a strange car outside didn’t throw up any red flags. She walked in the house and heard strange noises coming from the bedroom. Walked back to the bedroom, opened the door and caught her fiancé (and some chic he met at the grocery store) in full on horizontal mambo.

She ran out of the house and called me at work and told me. Waited til I got there and then we went in together and moved her stuff out. I kept him away from her, got the girl out of the house with no incident (other than my friend yelling obscenities at her). She had just dropped the invitations to the wedding at the post office that morning so she had to run down and stop them before the mail ran. She got all but about 20 back from the PO, the others I helped her call and tell them to ignore the invite, the wedding was off.

She was in a state of disbelief/shock for a couple of hours afterwards. She literally just kept saying she must have caught him masturbating and that’s why he was sweaty. She KNEW the girl was in the house, in the room and had to be escorted out of the bedroom by me, but somehow she had blocked the vision of seeing them in coitus.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,523 Posts
I once heard a guy say that he snuck in to his house while he was at work, opened the bedroom door and some guy was pounding his wife.

He pulled up a chair quietly and proceeded to watch until they noticed him taking pictures.

Which made it really hard for her to deny the affair or that "it wasn't what it looked like."
Ha!

I'm reminded of the scene from "This Is Where I Leave You" in which Jason Bateman's character walks in on his wife screwing his boss.

In the marital bed.

On their anniversary.

Anyway, while very amusing, I'd imagine that the overwhelming majority of guys -- or, for that matter, women -- would be incapable of that level of situational awareness upon walking in on something like that.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,829 Posts
I was at a wedding many years ago where the groom busted the bride and best man having too much fun in the back of the limousine.

Most entertaining wedding I was ever at!
 
  • Like
Reactions: ConanHub

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yes. Painful subject. Had to have EMDR therapy to get over the visual of him on top of her - they weren't naked - just making out big time.
Then he had the audacity to say I caused my own trauma by not letting my PI do the job, I actually showed up there myself.
Yep, true.
Ugh.
Ugh is right. I get to wondering which one causes more trauma, your imagination running wild and thinking up the worst or seeing just plain old vanilla sex with your own eyes.

Seeing it right there in front of you takes away your ability to deny or minimize anything. If you're the kind of person that would want to try to reconcile I would think it would be more difficult to get over it when you see it with your own two eyes. There would be no way to convince yourself that your imagination is getting the better of you and your making it out to be worse than it is because you know exactly what "it" is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,523 Posts
I was at a wedding many years ago where the groom busted the bride and best man having too much fun in the back of the limousine.

Most entertaining wedding I was ever at!
Hope he dumped her on the spot.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
613 Posts
Ugh is right. I get to wondering which one causes more trauma, your imagination running wild and thinking up the worst or seeing just plain old vanilla sex with your own eyes.

Seeing it right there in front of you takes away your ability to deny or minimize anything. If you're the kind of person that would want to try to reconcile I would think it would be more difficult to get over it when you see it with your own two eyes. There would be no way to convince yourself that your imagination is getting the better of you and your making it out to be worse than it is because you know exactly what "it" is.
so, you understand why I maintain I should never have to see that person again and move. I mean, really?!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,385 Posts
I KNOW I could reconcile a PA. I just know how I’m built. It would hurt like hell, but I know me.

However, SEEING it may be a whole different story.

Knowing about a PA, you’re left to your imagination. Mind movies, what you think happened. Seeing it, I’d have to imagine that image is burned into your brain forever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
so, you understand why I maintain I should never have to see that person again and move. I mean, really?!
Steph, I hope you'll forgive me but I'm not familiar with your story. are you still with the WS? did this play a role in whether or not to reconcile?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
613 Posts
Steph, I hope you'll forgive me but I'm not familiar with your story. are you still with the WS? did this play a role in whether or not to reconcile?
it made it incredibly difficult. IT was 4 years ago. We're still together. I had an affair first and that is the ONLY REASON I stayed after this happened - it was his second affair in a very short period of time.
But I have made the decision to leave if I have to see her repeatedly. I was too weak to leave before. I'm not now.
It doesnt' have the hold it does on me as much. But the fact that he doesn't think this particular trauma is enough for us to move will destroy this marriage. Not the actual affair. If that makes sense.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,829 Posts
Hope he dumped her on the spot.
Posted via Mobile Device
Dumped is an understatement. We got to witness a highly entertaining fight with the best man ending up knocked out and the lovely bride thrown in the pond at the reception hall.

Wedding cake ended up in parking lot with him driving over it. All in all a very memorable reception.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
it made it incredibly difficult. IT was 4 years ago. We're still together. I had an affair first and that is the ONLY REASON I stayed after this happened - it was his second affair in a very short period of time.
But I have made the decision to leave if I have to see her repeatedly. I was too weak to leave before. I'm not now.
It doesnt' have the hold it does on me as much. But the fact that he doesn't think this particular trauma is enough for us to move will destroy this marriage. Not the actual affair. If that makes sense.
it does.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
288 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Dumped is an understatement. We got to witness a highly entertaining fight with the best man ending up knocked out and the lovely bride thrown in the pond at the reception hall.

Wedding cake ended up in parking lot with him driving over it. All in all a very memorable reception.
Like having front row tickets to a taping of Jerry Springer
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,623 Posts
Dumped is an understatement. We got to witness a highly entertaining fight with the best man ending up knocked out and the lovely bride thrown in the pond at the reception hall.

Wedding cake ended up in parking lot with him driving over it. All in all a very memorable reception.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
113 Posts
I "heard" the act when she was screwing a co-worker in a parked car and she butt-dialed me getting undressed. I already knew things were off prior to the call which is why I listened all the way through instead of just hanging up and writing it off as a butt dial while she was at work.

Things seen cannot be unseen, and things heard cannot be unheard. I would have preferred learning the truth without that kind of evidence, but (and here is the big BUT), AT LEAST I KNEW THE TRUTH. I might never had got there without this catch.
 
1 - 20 of 123 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top