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Well it sounds like you've made the first step by recognizing there is a problem. Don't use drugs to make yourself feel better it always ends up with you in more pain then when you started.

Its going to be a tough road, but you need to sit up straight, adjust your thinking cap on and move forward. You can't control what your spouse thinks or does, but you can make yourself a better person all around and that will have the biggest chance of fixing things for you and possibly repairing your relationship. A divorce is not the end of a relationship. Many people get divorced and later get remarried and have a better relationship. You need to become the person she wants and that takes very hard work. If in the end you still lose her that hard work will pay off in a better more happy life with a great women who you deserve. Its not the end. Its only at our lowest points that we feel so miserable that we cannot imagine ever being happy again, but pain fades and you can't be unhappy forever.

Try to think positive. You know the things you can do to better yourself better then anybody. You just need to make yourself jump into action and get at it. Try and block any negative thoughts you have and replace them with positive ones. People can sense your inner thoughts through subtle movements and expressions. Things you cannot hide. Its human instinct. If you think negative, people will pick up on that and run away. Plus it just makes you feel worse and worse about yourself. Its a proven fact.
 
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