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19 Posts
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...sion/58218-time-call-quits-advice-please.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58434-feeling-pressured-conform.html
Hi. I have included my previous threads so you can see my background so far.
I am still struggling so much with my marriage. My H and I just had our third MC session last night. The C started our session by checking in to see how things over the last week have gone. I explain that I am still having a very difficult time breaking my wall down and receiving all of the effort that my H has been initiating. I proceed to tell her that I am still unsure of what I want and that I am simply not in the right state of mind to make a decision one way or the other. I am willing to give our marriage as much time as it needs until things become clearer. My H agreed that things between us really went backwards since our previous session.
I had told my H about my feelings prior to our session and I can see it hurts him greatly each time it is discussed. He is really trying very hard to be the man I need him to be. That is what makes all of this even harder. Part of me feels like it's too late for us and too much damage has already been done. The other part is just so scared to let my guard down and trust that he is not going to hurt me anymore. I feel stuck.
On our way home from MC I asked him if he is as happy as he appears with the MC. I asked this because of his history with maintaining the "image" of our marriage like I included in my previous threads. While we are in our sessions he smiles and nods the whole time. He does not say much so it really makes me wonder what he is getting out of this because he is not this agreeable at home EVER.
When I continue asking him about his feelings we ended up in an argument. He says he doesn't understand what is going on with me and why "all of a sudden" I am so unhappy. I again bring to his attention that there is no "all of a sudden" involved. I have been fighting to be heard for so many years with the same matters and I finally have been pushed to my limit and I am through putting up with being in this marriage alone. I am done with being put down, belittled, and not being allowed to have my own feelings. He again says that I "take things the wrong way" most of the time. I told him that is his opinion and that this is one of the numerous things that I need him to change and I'm not sure he can. When he puts me down he may not feel like he is but I do. This is just one of the examples that keeps going through my head of how I have been mistreated in the past. Therefore I am not sure on how to let my guard down or if I even want to.
I have been living life for myself for so long I'm not sure how to even proceed with creating a real marriage. All of our bank accounts, bills, insurance, and everything else is seperate and he is not willing to combine any of these. Not that I want to anytime soon, just want you to have the info. We continue to go about our own lives without considering each other before making plans. I have no desire to have sex with him anytime soon and this has been an ongoing issue for 5+ years for sure. I feel like we have worked against each other for so long that it almost seems impossible to find a way to work together that will meet both of our needs.
When I have these facts in front of me it only reminds me that I could easily live on my own and be okay. But then I think of our history, the good part of it, and wonder if leaving is the right thing to do. If I stay will it be for the right reasons? We are each blessed to have great friends, family, and a nice home. These would be the main reasons to stay, at least at this time. I have so much anxiety all the time over the unknown and what direction our marriage is headed. I know more IC is needed for each of us and I plan to continue with that as does my H.
Can anyone relate or offer any advice?
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58434-feeling-pressured-conform.html
Hi. I have included my previous threads so you can see my background so far.
I am still struggling so much with my marriage. My H and I just had our third MC session last night. The C started our session by checking in to see how things over the last week have gone. I explain that I am still having a very difficult time breaking my wall down and receiving all of the effort that my H has been initiating. I proceed to tell her that I am still unsure of what I want and that I am simply not in the right state of mind to make a decision one way or the other. I am willing to give our marriage as much time as it needs until things become clearer. My H agreed that things between us really went backwards since our previous session.
I had told my H about my feelings prior to our session and I can see it hurts him greatly each time it is discussed. He is really trying very hard to be the man I need him to be. That is what makes all of this even harder. Part of me feels like it's too late for us and too much damage has already been done. The other part is just so scared to let my guard down and trust that he is not going to hurt me anymore. I feel stuck.
On our way home from MC I asked him if he is as happy as he appears with the MC. I asked this because of his history with maintaining the "image" of our marriage like I included in my previous threads. While we are in our sessions he smiles and nods the whole time. He does not say much so it really makes me wonder what he is getting out of this because he is not this agreeable at home EVER.
When I continue asking him about his feelings we ended up in an argument. He says he doesn't understand what is going on with me and why "all of a sudden" I am so unhappy. I again bring to his attention that there is no "all of a sudden" involved. I have been fighting to be heard for so many years with the same matters and I finally have been pushed to my limit and I am through putting up with being in this marriage alone. I am done with being put down, belittled, and not being allowed to have my own feelings. He again says that I "take things the wrong way" most of the time. I told him that is his opinion and that this is one of the numerous things that I need him to change and I'm not sure he can. When he puts me down he may not feel like he is but I do. This is just one of the examples that keeps going through my head of how I have been mistreated in the past. Therefore I am not sure on how to let my guard down or if I even want to.
I have been living life for myself for so long I'm not sure how to even proceed with creating a real marriage. All of our bank accounts, bills, insurance, and everything else is seperate and he is not willing to combine any of these. Not that I want to anytime soon, just want you to have the info. We continue to go about our own lives without considering each other before making plans. I have no desire to have sex with him anytime soon and this has been an ongoing issue for 5+ years for sure. I feel like we have worked against each other for so long that it almost seems impossible to find a way to work together that will meet both of our needs.
When I have these facts in front of me it only reminds me that I could easily live on my own and be okay. But then I think of our history, the good part of it, and wonder if leaving is the right thing to do. If I stay will it be for the right reasons? We are each blessed to have great friends, family, and a nice home. These would be the main reasons to stay, at least at this time. I have so much anxiety all the time over the unknown and what direction our marriage is headed. I know more IC is needed for each of us and I plan to continue with that as does my H.
Can anyone relate or offer any advice?