Joined
·
4 Posts
I want to apologize in advance if this gets rather long. I have no one to turn to in fear of judgement about my husband and my marriage but I have to get it out. And everyone here seems to give sound advice from what I can gather. So here it goes.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. He is military, we married young and we have two beautiful kids together - one with special needs. He is a great dad and an awesome provider, but he's a lousy husband. He's a liar, a cheat, and has a porn problem. I am so beat down that I don't know how to get up. I no longer know what the truth is.
He lies about everything - about what store he went to, to what happen with the lawn mower, to where the $20 went in my wallet. Everything, big or small, some things completely stupid to lie about. He watches porn to the point to rejecting me and making me feel awful about myself. He use to watch it on his computer but then I caught on and now he watches it on his phone, going over our agreed data plan. He no longer buys the magazines or dvds but it's hundreds, if not thousands, of videos on his computer or memory cards or whatever.
My biggest problem is the emotional affairs. At least one for every year we've been together, each getting more and more to a physical affair. The latest one I found out about this last week - he says that she just randomly started texting him, he told her he was married but things went on from there. They exchanged pictures, she asked to meet him and he said, "sure." I don't know if he ever meet her but at this point I don't doubt it. All of these conversations were in the middle of the night while the kids and I went to sleep. The last emotional affair I can prove was last year right before our daughter was born. Again, pictures, secret phones, horrible things said about me, but he called it off apparently. I don't believe it. I've cried, I've begged, I've threatened to call it quits and it works for a little bit but then we're right back here.
I'm to the point where I feel like divorce is my only option but I want to do what is best for my kids - they adore him and he is a good dad. I have my college degree but I recently quit my job to care for our son and now I just feel stuck. My kids are 3 and 1 - will they forgive me? Will I forgive myself? What happen to my self-worth? Self-respect? Can he change? Does he even care?
He started therapy without me begging but he wants to work things out. He also says he won't fight me if I want a divorce. He says just give him time. I've given him time, how much more does he want? I'm in a position where I can't trust my family to turn to them but I can't give up the program that we have worked so hard to get our son into (a feeding program for autistic children). I just wanted my kids to have a normal childhood and to not come from a broken home. But what about me?
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. He is military, we married young and we have two beautiful kids together - one with special needs. He is a great dad and an awesome provider, but he's a lousy husband. He's a liar, a cheat, and has a porn problem. I am so beat down that I don't know how to get up. I no longer know what the truth is.
He lies about everything - about what store he went to, to what happen with the lawn mower, to where the $20 went in my wallet. Everything, big or small, some things completely stupid to lie about. He watches porn to the point to rejecting me and making me feel awful about myself. He use to watch it on his computer but then I caught on and now he watches it on his phone, going over our agreed data plan. He no longer buys the magazines or dvds but it's hundreds, if not thousands, of videos on his computer or memory cards or whatever.
My biggest problem is the emotional affairs. At least one for every year we've been together, each getting more and more to a physical affair. The latest one I found out about this last week - he says that she just randomly started texting him, he told her he was married but things went on from there. They exchanged pictures, she asked to meet him and he said, "sure." I don't know if he ever meet her but at this point I don't doubt it. All of these conversations were in the middle of the night while the kids and I went to sleep. The last emotional affair I can prove was last year right before our daughter was born. Again, pictures, secret phones, horrible things said about me, but he called it off apparently. I don't believe it. I've cried, I've begged, I've threatened to call it quits and it works for a little bit but then we're right back here.
I'm to the point where I feel like divorce is my only option but I want to do what is best for my kids - they adore him and he is a good dad. I have my college degree but I recently quit my job to care for our son and now I just feel stuck. My kids are 3 and 1 - will they forgive me? Will I forgive myself? What happen to my self-worth? Self-respect? Can he change? Does he even care?
He started therapy without me begging but he wants to work things out. He also says he won't fight me if I want a divorce. He says just give him time. I've given him time, how much more does he want? I'm in a position where I can't trust my family to turn to them but I can't give up the program that we have worked so hard to get our son into (a feeding program for autistic children). I just wanted my kids to have a normal childhood and to not come from a broken home. But what about me?