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So for a short stint I went out with someone and it didn’t work out. Nothing bad happened.... just another one that seemed like he didn’t want the same thing I wanted. Even though he stated he did I’m beginning.

I heard that he was going out with someone new ( we have mutual friends) so ok I was bummed, but nonetheless whenever he works text I congratulated him etc.

I obviously never heard from him while he was going out with her. But recently he has got Im contact again. Nothing major just normal chat. He never told me but I put 2 n 2 together and figured that he broken up or was broken up with- hence the texting again.

I enjoyed our friendship and going out. I guess I wouldn’t mind giving it a second go if he was maybe ready this time?

But I haven’t heard from him since. I did text a week ago saying that I hope all is well and that if he wanted to chat that he could. But nothing
I just think it’s weird how he contacted me then poof. Maybe he’s heartbroken and still licking his wounds?
 

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So for a short stint I went out with someone and it didn’t work out. Nothing bad happened.... just another one that seemed like he didn’t want the same thing I wanted. Even though he stated he did I’m beginning.

I heard that he was going out with someone new ( we have mutual friends) so ok I was bummed, but nonetheless whenever he works text I congratulated him etc.

I obviously never heard from him while he was going out with her. But recently he has got Im contact again. Nothing major just normal chat. He never told me but I put 2 n 2 together and figured that he broken up or was broken up with- hence the texting again.

I enjoyed our friendship and going out. I guess I wouldn’t mind giving it a second go if he was maybe ready this time?

But I haven’t heard from him since. I did text a week ago saying that I hope all is well and that if he wanted to chat that he could. But nothing
I just think it’s weird how he contacted me then poof. Maybe he’s heartbroken and still licking his wounds?
You’re making yourself plan B. Never be anyone’s plan B.
 

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Your making assumptions. Maybe they didn’t break up. Maybe they had a fight. Maybe he was bored or wants to know he still has other options. Who knows. Guys do stuff like this all the time. I’ve learned not to place any meaning in the out of the blue calls/texts.
 

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But I haven’t heard from him since. I did text a week ago saying that I hope all is well and that if he wanted to chat that he could. But nothing
I just think it’s weird how he contacted me then poof. Maybe he’s heartbroken and still licking his wounds?
Maybe he's just playing head games with you. Maybe he's bored. But whatever his motivation, it doesn't sound like anything to pin your hopes on.
 

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Did I read it wrong? Didn't you reach out to him first to congratulate him? If so it sounds like he responded just being polite. Regardless...time to move along.
 

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So is this guy fitting the same pattern as the guy you wrote about a few months ago?

You might have an issue with pushing things from casual getting-to-know-you stage to relationship stage too quickly. Your could be offering too much too soon, and I'm not trying to make a case you should wait for the right person for sex; that's another conversation. I'm saying it's possible that you thought there was more of a relationship than actually existed because things moved too quickly for your not-really-partner to feel a long-term connection. You might have felt the connection; you might connect really quickly. I don't think most people do.

You might have to take more time and risk someone "getting away" to find the right person. Let interest develop more organically. Take your time and maybe set some corny standards like no "x" before the 5th date or something like that. Not because this sets the tone for YOUR standards; your standards are your own and not the issue. You want to be sure that HIS standards are more focused on the total person that you are and not just a nice available person in-between other long-term relationships.

This is really awkward! Just slow down and take your time. Especially make sure the guy is willing to take his time. The ability to invest serious time before things get seriously physical is likely to increase odds of finding serious long-term compatibility.
 

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So for a short stint I went out with someone and it didn’t work out. Nothing bad happened.... just another one that seemed like he didn’t want the same thing I wanted. Even though he stated he did I’m beginning.

I heard that he was going out with someone new ( we have mutual friends) so ok I was bummed, but nonetheless whenever he works text I congratulated him etc.

I obviously never heard from him while he was going out with her. But recently he has got Im contact again. Nothing major just normal chat. He never told me but I put 2 n 2 together and figured that he broken up or was broken up with- hence the texting again.

I enjoyed our friendship and going out. I guess I wouldn’t mind giving it a second go if he was maybe ready this time?

But I haven’t heard from him since. I did text a week ago saying that I hope all is well and that if he wanted to chat that he could. But nothing
I just think it’s weird how he contacted me then poof. Maybe he’s heartbroken and still licking his wounds?
Whatever his reason is the one thing you know for sure is he's a flake. This behavior is rude and you absolutely do not have to continue talking to him if he contacts you again. Why would you after this?
 

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Whatever his reason is the one thing you know for sure is he's a flake. This behavior is rude and you absolutely do not have to continue talking to him if he contacts you again. Why would you after this?
Someone would "go after" such a situation because they had misunderstood what the situation was. In reality, I think it possible both misunderstood the situation.

In the simplest of terms, one might consider how much time each person thought it takes to recognize the likelihood of a long-term relationship. And going deeper, what the criteria are. Perhaps the criteria determine the amount of time?
If somebody's not a "hell ya" about you, move on.
But looking for that type of response, right off the bat, might be the problem. You put too much "effort" into things too soon. Looking for some degree of connection, yes. But "hell ya" at first date might have killed off many successful marriages. Sometimes love grows more slowly than that. Making an assumption here of equivalence for LTR & love... that one wouldn't desire an LTR without it.
 

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Someone would "go after" such a situation because they had misunderstood what the situation was. In reality, I think it possible both misunderstood the situation.

In the simplest of terms, one might consider how much time each person thought it takes to recognize the likelihood of a long-term relationship. And going deeper, what the criteria are. Perhaps the criteria determine the amount of time?

But looking for that type of response, right off the bat, might be the problem. You put too much "effort" into things too soon. Looking for some degree of connection, yes. But "hell ya" at first date might have killed off many successful marriages. Sometimes love grows more slowly than that. Making an assumption here of equivalence for LTR & love... that one wouldn't desire an LTR without it.
What he has done to Sue is called ghosting in the dating world and that's what Sue is asking about. Why would he ghost her, what does it mean? It doesn't matter why he's done it, he's done it. It's totally insulting and degrading to the person subjected to it.
 

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But looking for that type of response, right off the bat, might be the problem. You put too much "effort" into things too soon. Looking for some degree of connection, yes. But "hell ya" at first date might have killed off many successful marriages. Sometimes love grows more slowly than that. Making an assumption here of equivalence for LTR & love... that one wouldn't desire an LTR without it.
I totally get what you're saying. I mean, when I was dating I once had a woman plan out our impending marriage 20 minutes into our first date. That's way too bought in!

But with my wife, the first time I kissed her, her response was "more." And then we spent the next two weeks together basically non-stop. I guess that's what I mean.
 

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I totally get what you're saying. I mean, when I was dating I once had a woman plan out our impending marriage 20 minutes into our first date. That's way too bought in!

But with my wife, the first time I kissed her, her response was "more." And then we spent the next two weeks together basically non-stop. I guess that's what I mean.
When it turns into an LTR, that, sir, is called "Living the dream." I hope the years have brought you many repeat performances of that feeling.
 

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I totally get what you're saying. I mean, when I was dating I once had a woman plan out our impending marriage 20 minutes into our first date. That's way too bought in!

But with my wife, the first time I kissed her, her response was "more." And then we spent the next two weeks together basically non-stop. I guess that's what I mean.
I had a few guys get ridiculously possessive on dates 1 or 2. Calling me their girlfriend without that ever having been discussed, etc. For me, that's way too bought in and my cue to exit, stage left. I'd call the mental ward for someone talking marriage on date 1 or 2.

First date with DH, though, I admit he started to kiss me and I forgot where we were for a few hours. Thankfully, it was a goth/techno club where couples making out was extremely common. It wasn't until I started unbuttoning his shirt that I came to my senses. He didn't put out >:) til our 3rd date because he was playing hard to get in hopes I'd keep him. Three weeks later, after spending a LOT of time together in person and on the phone, we were..uhh...well, sort of arguing on our way to that same club. Voices were being raised and passions were high. He said, at the end of a point he was loudly making, "Don't you know how much I love you?" And I yelled back "Yeah, well, I love you, too."

Before that, I'd have said that was waaaay too bought in at 3 weeks. Yet, there we were and here we are 20 years later.
 

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So for a short stint I went out with someone and it didn’t work out. Nothing bad happened.... just another one that seemed like he didn’t want the same thing I wanted. Even though he stated he did I’m beginning.

I heard that he was going out with someone new ( we have mutual friends) so ok I was bummed, but nonetheless whenever he works text I congratulated him etc.

I obviously never heard from him while he was going out with her. But recently he has got Im contact again. Nothing major just normal chat. He never told me but I put 2 n 2 together and figured that he broken up or was broken up with- hence the texting again.

I enjoyed our friendship and going out. I guess I wouldn’t mind giving it a second go if he was maybe ready this time?

But I haven’t heard from him since. I did text a week ago saying that I hope all is well and that if he wanted to chat that he could. But nothing
I just think it’s weird how he contacted me then poof. Maybe he’s heartbroken and still licking his wounds?
My take, he is hedging his bets and you are the runner up (sorry).
 
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