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I understood what she was trying to say. I agree it could be a possibility but I don’t think it is. I’ll take the advice. It’s when somebody says your wife, whom u love is a trained monkey-that is where she went over the line. Due to the slur, the message is lost.
And yet it was the truth you didn't want to hear.
 

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I'd have to agree with those saying - too much focus on her orgasm, from experience.

One of my past gf 'A' never, not once, had an orgasm. Yet she was always up for fun, always aroused, very bright eyed and satisfied with our sex life, always talked sex and flirted with me, and was very sad when we broke up.

Another of my past gf 'M' always, 100% had an orgasm with me - piv only nonetheless, never wanted fingers, oral, or toys.

Guess who was unsatisfied, and told me so?

During my efforts to take our sex life up another notch last year, I spent some time focused on my wife's O's; reading, talking, doing. After a week she told me in no uncertain terms - "lay off! "

Basically, she told me what I already knew from past experience - getting her to enjoy herself more was a worthy and appreciated goal (required exploration and effort on my part) but not pushing for orgasm. It's about the quality of the ride vs the destination for her. I suspect she's not alone in feeling that way.
Came here to say this!

Ex wife - no orgasms from me, ever (from oral or piv). Nearly a decade and a half. Only way I could get her off was fingers and gspot stimulation, and that's a different kind of orgasm. Yet she still had a pretty healthy sex drive and wanted it regularly. Took a couple of years for her to discover vibrators (we were young when we started dating) and she was able to orgasm from that. She had a hyper sensitive clit. As in direct stimulation was painful, so would cover it up with a towel and use her vibrator over it. Only way she could properly orgasm. I never took it personally. Took another year or so before she was comfortable enough to bring the vibrator in the bedroom with me. So we'd have some great sex, and she'd finish herself off afterwards. A few times a week, for the most part.

Current wife - multiple orgasms every way imaginable, pretty much literally. If it's an erogenous zone, it'll get her there. Will have 2-5 per session a variety of different ways. We have sex maybe once a month (in a 2 month drought right now, lol).

Ability to orgasm does not always = high sex drive or interest. A person's drive is a person's drive. I might have more sex with my wife if I were a 6'5 lumberjack and ripped, but probably not much more than I think I would, if at all. My ex wife and I had plenty of sex for 12 of the 14 years we were together, and I'm the same person I am now.

And same thing as you - tried to talk to my wife about our general lack of sex (or her interest in it) and tried to wrap my head around why someone who can have an orgasm in 30 seconds and 2 or 3 within 5 minutes, wouldn't want this more often. I mean, it's 5 minutes (or less!) out of your day, and would essentially make mine. But here we are!
 

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Good morning, I’ve put some tough questions out to the talk about marriage group in the past and you guys have always been very insightful and helped me. I think I have another idea to help my sex life with my wife but I wanted some other lady’s thoughts and experiences before I try it. My wife is very vanilla where I always want to be kinky in bed. She hates to talk about sex that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it. So the issue I’m going to throw out is it when my wife and I have sex, it usually builds for her for the first couple minutes and then instead of going to crescendo she tapers off and I finish. This sucks! I so badly want us to finish together or at least have her finish. I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no. We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time. I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!
Is your outside of the bedroom relationship doing well. Does she feel fed outside the bedroom?
Could you improve there?
Many women's responses is often connection to how she views the relationship outside the bedroom.
 

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I'm late to the party on this one, but generally speaking the OP will likely make things worse by introducing novelties.

If the OP's wife has demonstrated a lack of importance for achieving an orgasm (as in she does not care for him to continue after he is finished), odds are that novelties will only serve to make things more complicated for her to feel "connected" with him.

Imagine things getting heated but then they fizzle out, OK stop and wait a moment while I get something that is going to feel unnatural. Odds are he will fumble a bit with the novelty and it may take a minute or two to get things ready. Alright now back to the action only to find that the oven is now ice cold and irritable at the idea that she now has to try and enjoy this even more or else the OP will get frustrated and a passive aggressive tantrum will follow for a few days about it.

In order for a novelty to work in a situation where a spouse has arousal difficulties, the use has to be seamless and nonintrusive once initial arousal has started. You do not want to do anything that stops, restarts, and alters stimulation or else it is worse from starting completely over.

The best bet for the OP is to have a very small and powerful vibrator hidden under the pillow that can be used for couples play without stoping and restarting PIV. Simply reach under a pillow and turn it on before she notices. Then gently place it between the two of you in just the right spot (works great for missionary position) and continue as if nothing changed.

If you have ever seen one of those rabbit vibrators, this is the ideal format of stimulation to try and achieve. PIV as it occurs completely natural as the only thing inserted and then a vibrator to supplement external stimulation for her where a rabbit vibrator would apply that stimulation. In missionary position things can be held in place with a close embrace.... and BOOM she will have not one, not two, but lose count of her orgasm. You should be able to finish simultaneously that way as well. Will be like trying to hit a home run with baseballs being thrown at you and you get a few tries to hit one out of the park.

Back to extensions. If the OP wants to do that for himself, then that is a different story. He needs to talk to his spouse and make sure she understands why he will enjoy that and how to help him if she is OK with it.

Regards,
Badsanta
 

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I hope this issue has gotten better for you, but in case it hasn't, let me give you some insight I have as a woman that has trouble climaxing with a partner.

1. From what I read you are showing an interest in making your relationship better. If she is invested in the relationship too, this is a turn on already.

2. As a couple others said, she likely very well is OK with not climaxing every time. It's still fun. Believe it or not, my fiance is this way. He does not finish every time.

3. As yet another person pointed out, women rarely climax with piv. The best and most frequent orgasms come from the clitoris for a large portion of women. Try adjusting your angle to rub your groin against it. But watch the pressure and chaffing.

4. Me, personally I like any toys before intercourse. Even if I don't climax, I don't feel like using them because I'm sated enough from my partner and knowing my partner finished is kind of like play time is over in my mind, even if he's willing to still work on mine. Perhaps your wife is of similar mind.

5. If she is very vanilla, whipping out numerous toys or a bunch of different activities may be a bit overwhelming for her. If she has favorites, stick to only those. Though personally, I'd stake a bet on trying ways to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. That is what I would think the best bet is for this situation.

Good luck!
 
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