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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Good morning, I’ve put some tough questions out to the talk about marriage group in the past and you guys have always been very insightful and helped me. I think I have another idea to help my sex life with my wife but I wanted some other lady’s thoughts and experiences before I try it. My wife is very vanilla where I always want to be kinky in bed. She hates to talk about sex that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it. So the issue I’m going to throw out is it when my wife and I have sex, it usually builds for her for the first couple minutes and then instead of going to crescendo she tapers off and I finish. This sucks! I so badly want us to finish together or at least have her finish. I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no. We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time. I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!
 

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Well, I'm not at all sure it would cause her to finish at the same time as you because I believe an extension would change your sensations quite a bit even if it brought her to climax, you will probably be left hanging.

It would still probably be fun to use with her if she is game though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
For a moment I thought it was an extension cord for a vibrator.
Never mind!:)
For a moment I thought it was an extension cord for a vibrator.
Never mind!:)
Well, I'm not at all sure it would cause her to finish at the same time as you because I believe an extension would change your sensations quite a bit even if it brought her to climax, you will probably be left hanging.

It would still probably be fun to use with her if she is game though.
Yes, your right. I’m not worried about me finishing, I am trying to concentrate on her pleasure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Have you ever used any sex toys on her? If you've suggested it, what is her response?

Does SHE seem bothered by "finishing" with you or not...or at all??
We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…
We are also trying to reconnect emotionally. We had some rough spots in our marriage. No infidelity. Just a lot of arguing. It seems to me things are getting better though.
 

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We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…
Do you think she masturbates? Does she have an orgasm when you use a vibrator on her? Has she ever had an orgasm with PIV?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Do you think she masturbates? Does she have an orgasm when you use a vibrator on her? Has she ever had an orgasm with PIV?
Yes, she masturbates but not frequently. She has had an orgasm with a vibrator, orally and PIV just not consistently. At least that’s what she tells me. I have no reason not to believe her, she’s always been honest with me. When she uses the womanizer, that is the best way for her to orgasm. She does not want to use it with me though. Sucks…
 

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I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm.
You want to knock this off. She isn't a performing monkey. All you are doing is making sex a chore for her.

Take the emphasis off simultaneous orgasms. Stop talking during sex. Simply put, rethink your program.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
You want to knock this off. She isn't a performing monkey. All you are doing is making sex a chore for her.

Take the emphasis off simultaneous orgasms. Stop talking during sex. Simply put, rethink your program.
We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.
 

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We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…
If she had sex as much as you wanted and however you wanted but she still only had an orgasm 25% of the time would you still be bothered?
 

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Ask her to have her hormones checked, including testosterone. A lot of women, my wife included, use a testosterone cream. A lot of gynecologists will check these for you. We use an A4M antiaging doctor and it costs some out of pocket, but it is well worth it. Hormone balance helps, but the testosterone cream significantly increased my wife's desire for sex and ability to orgasm. Women naturally have some testosterone, but many women don't have quite enough for sex drive
 

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We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.
That was actually very good and helpful advice for you, if you would consider it just for a few seconds.
No one is giving you crap, relax.

What @Blondilocks was saying to you makes sense, because if you are hyper-focused on her orgasm and making it simultaneous, then she is going to feel pressured and that will make sex unpleasant for her. I have a high drive and I'm very open to new things, but being with a man who has your attitude would make me nervous...that's all she meant.

If she doesn't want to talk about sex at all, it's hard to imagine that she would be happy to see you put on a penis extension without any discussion beforehand. How do you think she will respond to that - will she be open to it or will she be upset?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.
We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.
Plus-I don’t think she feels pressured. She is very strong and independent. Not in the least
 

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Couldn’t be bothered to read all the replies, im going to put this to you straight, the time to introduce her to kinks was when the relationship was new and she wanted to please you. That horse has bolted, so she isn’t going to change too much, and any changes she does make will be to please you not her. From this and your other posts it obvious you two just aren’t that compatible in the bedroom. The only fault with either of you is you didn’t put sexual compatibility high enough on your list of needs.

sorry bro, you going to have to live with vanilla ish, or makes some tough choices
 
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