Gotta agree with the posters man. Beyond high school people don’t lust after a kiss…
When to say enough is enough?
I need advice. My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years and have been together for over 15. We have two young daughters: 3 and 8. Two years ago she made a career change from nursing to real estate. She’s very good at it and has had great success. She’s finally happy in a job and I’ve been very proud of her.
A couple of months ago I caught her having an affair with another agent. It’s not as bad as you think, I won’t go into details about why I believe her, but sex was not involved. What happened is she went on a work retreat to Florida, got drunk one night and kissed this man. I’m human too, and I understand that mistakes can be made in a moment of vulnerability/lack of judgment, but what hurts the most is once she returned from this trip she met up with this man in secret on two other occasions where kissing was again involved. I found out because I always check her location before I call her, because I don’t want to bother here while she’s at a showing or while she’s driving, but this time she was parked in a very odd place. Anyways, it all came to light after that.
The confusing part is that this man is much older than us, he’s not very attractive and really doesn’t have much to offer. She told me that she basically fell in love with him for a lack of better words. We decided to try to work things out. I didn’t want her to quit her job because she finally has something she loves doing, but I made it very clear that she cannot communicate with this man unless it was absolutely essential to business. She agreed, but on multiple occasions thereafter either saw or spoke to him for trivial things. Like doing her a favor to go put up a for sale sign at one of her listings and referring a buyer of one of her properties to him. So a total of four times I had to reiterate what “essential to business” means and finally I had to practically beg her to cut this man from our lives. Which she agreed to. Since then she has had little to no contact with him and only in a manner that fits our agreement.
What I’m really struggling with is we had a great marriage. She agrees. She says I’m the best husband. We get along great, never fight, we have great sex, we’re perfectly compatible. So how do we go about “fixing” something that was never broken? I told her the other night that im committed to resolution, but what are we trying to resolve?
I’ve come to realize, at least believe, that she has some kind of deeply seeded issues that obviously strongly influence her actions. So how am I supposed to accept what she’s telling me. She says it was the biggest mistake of her life and that she swears that it will never happen again. I believe what she says is genuine, the trouble is that it doesn’t matter if she is sincere in saying that, because if you had asked her six months ago she would have said the same, yet here we are.
A backstory to our relationship for clarity. We dated for about a year in high school. Our relationship was pretty much over by this time, but she slept with another man. I don’t hold that against her because we were both dumb kids. My mother was a schizophrenic drug addict. And when I didn’t have a place to live, her parents offered a room to me. I was probably 19 at this point. She married a man who was in the Navy and lived in Virginia so she wasn’t in the picture at this point in time. I was living with her parents for probably 8 months before she left her husband and came back home. As you can imagine we quickly found ourselves engaging in secret encounters. We didn’t label our relationship, but it was more than just friends with benefits. I was happy, because I was completely obsessed with her. Looking back I think she satisfied something in me that I lacked from my relationship with my mother. Which is why I let her walk all over me.
We went though a very dark time. In fact just recently she mentioned how she couldn’t believe how badly she treated me when we were young. I don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty confident that she “cheated” on me twice around that time. But, I stayed with her because I was desperate for her affection and I didn’t really have any other options. I’m not saying this to paint her in a bad light, but I’m now critically analyzing everything in an attempt to make sense of all this.
Despite all that, we moved on and cultivated a beautiful relationship and eventually marriage. Truly, I’ve never felt more secure in my entire life. She became a beautiful person. She was devoted, loving and kind. I always felt that we really are meant for each other. Like we both had our issues back then, but fate put us together in our worst times in order for us to have this perfect marriage.
About five years ago, she went on a girls trip to Vegas. I’ve never had any doubt about her commitment to me, but she called me one morning while she was there and hysterically told me that she had made out with a man in a club. It hurt, but I could tell she was devastated by her own actions. And again, I understand we’re all human and make mistakes. I forgave her.
Since then, no issues. I was completely secure and confident in our marriage and our commitment to each other until now. Now I’m questioning everything. I’m looking back and realizing that no normal man would allow a person to do such hurtful things to them over and over. I’m realizing now that the greatest pain I’ve ever felt in my life has been from her, my wife, the one person that isn’t supposed to do that. And I’ve been HURT. I’ve grown emotionally and I understand now that I had a very unhealthy attachment to her when I was young, but I truly felt that she had changed. Now I’m wondering if she’s only been faithful to me for the years prior to her career change because she was surrounded by other woman and now she’s with plenty of men and a very flexible work schedule that easily allows for affairs.
I think I should leave her. I can’t let her hurt me anymore. But what about our kids? Our house? Like I said before, we get along great. All I want to do is kiss her and make love to her, but when is enough enough? I’ve been so proud that I’m raising my kids in an unbroken home, because I never knew what that was like. So, I’m faced with a decision: do I leave her because I can’t accept her promises that she’s given me so many times, or do I stay for my children and my own self serving desires? I’m so confused. When I’m alone, the answer is clear, but when I’m with her and see how much she wants us to stay together I become so conflicted.
A couple of months ago I caught her having an affair with another agent. It’s not as bad as you think, I won’t go into details about why I believe her, but sex was not involved. What happened is she went on a work retreat to Florida, got drunk one night and kissed this man. I’m human too, and I understand that mistakes can be made in a moment of vulnerability/lack of judgment, but what hurts the most is once she returned from this trip she met up with this man in secret on two other occasions where kissing was again involved. I found out because I always check her location before I call her, because I don’t want to bother here while she’s at a showing or while she’s driving, but this time she was parked in a very odd place. Anyways, it all came to light after that.
The confusing part is that this man is much older than us, he’s not very attractive and really doesn’t have much to offer. She told me that she basically fell in love with him for a lack of better words. We decided to try to work things out. I didn’t want her to quit her job because she finally has something she loves doing, but I made it very clear that she cannot communicate with this man unless it was absolutely essential to business. She agreed, but on multiple occasions thereafter either saw or spoke to him for trivial things. Like doing her a favor to go put up a for sale sign at one of her listings and referring a buyer of one of her properties to him. So a total of four times I had to reiterate what “essential to business” means and finally I had to practically beg her to cut this man from our lives. Which she agreed to. Since then she has had little to no contact with him and only in a manner that fits our agreement.
What I’m really struggling with is we had a great marriage. She agrees. She says I’m the best husband. We get along great, never fight, we have great sex, we’re perfectly compatible. So how do we go about “fixing” something that was never broken? I told her the other night that im committed to resolution, but what are we trying to resolve?
I’ve come to realize, at least believe, that she has some kind of deeply seeded issues that obviously strongly influence her actions. So how am I supposed to accept what she’s telling me. She says it was the biggest mistake of her life and that she swears that it will never happen again. I believe what she says is genuine, the trouble is that it doesn’t matter if she is sincere in saying that, because if you had asked her six months ago she would have said the same, yet here we are.
A backstory to our relationship for clarity. We dated for about a year in high school. Our relationship was pretty much over by this time, but she slept with another man. I don’t hold that against her because we were both dumb kids. My mother was a schizophrenic drug addict. And when I didn’t have a place to live, her parents offered a room to me. I was probably 19 at this point. She married a man who was in the Navy and lived in Virginia so she wasn’t in the picture at this point in time. I was living with her parents for probably 8 months before she left her husband and came back home. As you can imagine we quickly found ourselves engaging in secret encounters. We didn’t label our relationship, but it was more than just friends with benefits. I was happy, because I was completely obsessed with her. Looking back I think she satisfied something in me that I lacked from my relationship with my mother. Which is why I let her walk all over me.
We went though a very dark time. In fact just recently she mentioned how she couldn’t believe how badly she treated me when we were young. I don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty confident that she “cheated” on me twice around that time. But, I stayed with her because I was desperate for her affection and I didn’t really have any other options. I’m not saying this to paint her in a bad light, but I’m now critically analyzing everything in an attempt to make sense of all this.
Despite all that, we moved on and cultivated a beautiful relationship and eventually marriage. Truly, I’ve never felt more secure in my entire life. She became a beautiful person. She was devoted, loving and kind. I always felt that we really are meant for each other. Like we both had our issues back then, but fate put us together in our worst times in order for us to have this perfect marriage.
About five years ago, she went on a girls trip to Vegas. I’ve never had any doubt about her commitment to me, but she called me one morning while she was there and hysterically told me that she had made out with a man in a club. It hurt, but I could tell she was devastated by her own actions. And again, I understand we’re all human and make mistakes. I forgave her.
Since then, no issues. I was completely secure and confident in our marriage and our commitment to each other until now. Now I’m questioning everything. I’m looking back and realizing that no normal man would allow a person to do such hurtful things to them over and over. I’m realizing now that the greatest pain I’ve ever felt in my life has been from her, my wife, the one person that isn’t supposed to do that. And I’ve been HURT. I’ve grown emotionally and I understand now that I had a very unhealthy attachment to her when I was young, but I truly felt that she had changed. Now I’m wondering if she’s only been faithful to me for the years prior to her career change because she was surrounded by other woman and now she’s with plenty of men and a very flexible work schedule that easily allows for affairs.
I think I should leave her. I can’t let her hurt me anymore. But what about our kids? Our house? Like I said before, we get along great. All I want to do is kiss her and make love to her, but when is enough enough? I’ve been so proud that I’m raising my kids in an unbroken home, because I never knew what that was like. So, I’m faced with a decision: do I leave her because I can’t accept her promises that she’s given me so many times, or do I stay for my children and my own self serving desires? I’m so confused. When I’m alone, the answer is clear, but when I’m with her and see how much she wants us to stay together I become so conflicted.
41 - 60 of 78 Posts
Seriously Walt?
If the roles were reversed do you honestly believe that your wife would be so passive and accepting as you have been? No consequences to her actions equal no motivation to change. She continues to disrespect you and your marriage. If do not respect yourself, then who will? You deserve better and it is a shame that you don't think so.
If the roles were reversed do you honestly believe that your wife would be so passive and accepting as you have been? No consequences to her actions equal no motivation to change. She continues to disrespect you and your marriage. If do not respect yourself, then who will? You deserve better and it is a shame that you don't think so.
I think that is WANDER woman.She takes a lesser man, a virtual bum and thinks "I can save him!"
But forgets her husband and family who are collateral damage in her fantasy of being Wonder Woman.
Yes, she sees herself as Wonder Woman, saving the tragic hero.
This is the reality of her and her new superhero boyfriend
![]()
Er, Wayward Woman according to TAM.I think that is WANDER woman.
So she has volunteered nothing, admitted only to what she knows you know, and is minimizing to the extent that it's not remotely believable. You can add these to your list of what you know for certain.I found out and confronted her. Initially she tried to make it seem like it was a one time drunken thing but I knew better and eventually had her confess to the other secret meet ups.
I'm wondering what has gone on through the years that you have no clue about. That's something that a polygraph would probably reveal, if knowing what you already know isn't enough. I'll ditto the recommendation to get STD tested,Ω and to DNA test the kids. In doing this openly you demonstrate that you can't trust her or believe a word she says. I'm starting to think now that she doesn't have an ounce of conscience or remorse.
I'm sorry man, I know this is hard stuff to confront. Life is better after divorce. You have to stand up here and power through. You just got death a bad hand. The sooner you get her out the sooner you'll be able to heal and make a new life.
@WonderingWalt, no doubt the responses to your thread are jarring. A lot of posters have already lived the entire movie your wife has forced you to play which is why it may be a shock for you.
What is amazing is how cheaters all seem to follow the same “cheater’s handbook”. Your wife’s behavior checks a lot of boxes.
If you do some recalling over the 15 years you have been with her you may find some funny business from the beginning. Why did her first husband divorce her? Was she unfaithful when he was deployed? Were there signs when she worked as a nurse that she had a “work husband”. Were there dry spells in her sexual relationship with you?
It might be instructive if you ask for a written timeline of her relationship with the old real estate agent.
What is amazing is how cheaters all seem to follow the same “cheater’s handbook”. Your wife’s behavior checks a lot of boxes.
If you do some recalling over the 15 years you have been with her you may find some funny business from the beginning. Why did her first husband divorce her? Was she unfaithful when he was deployed? Were there signs when she worked as a nurse that she had a “work husband”. Were there dry spells in her sexual relationship with you?
It might be instructive if you ask for a written timeline of her relationship with the old real estate agent.
Wondering,
What I suspect that your WW may be a serial cheater and that behavior is sometimes an addiction.
You might always be her main person, but she clearly enjoys small affairs.
Nurses and medical personnel are also at high risk for affairs, doctors have their pick, I suspect you know only what you can prove or suspect.
Have her write out a timeline for her affairs, then get a polygraph.
Expose the OM to his family, then confront.
What I suspect that your WW may be a serial cheater and that behavior is sometimes an addiction.
You might always be her main person, but she clearly enjoys small affairs.
Nurses and medical personnel are also at high risk for affairs, doctors have their pick, I suspect you know only what you can prove or suspect.
Have her write out a timeline for her affairs, then get a polygraph.
Expose the OM to his family, then confront.
There must be a pretty big mound under the rug given all the things you''e swept under it over the years OP? Considering your wife's track record there's a really good chance there's far more you've yet to find out about.
OP, are her pants on fire? Because she's certainly a liar. And a serial cheater. And you enable it. Have you had enuf yet? I think its long past the point where you need to ask that question.
Never love someone enough to allow them to abuse you.
A lot of times, people don't affair down, they affair with someone who meets them at their basic self. They feel most comfortable with these people because their affair partners are mostly a similar type people, they are kindred spirits.
They elevate themselves when they marry but a lot of folks can keep that up and they regress back to their basic modal so to speak. Which is why it's important to pay attention to who people dated before you. If it was a series of "troubled" people, that is a red flag. You don't want to be your partners mount Everest.
They elevate themselves when they marry but a lot of folks can keep that up and they regress back to their basic modal so to speak. Which is why it's important to pay attention to who people dated before you. If it was a series of "troubled" people, that is a red flag. You don't want to be your partners mount Everest.
Unfortunately , you will never know how far it went...Just a kiss ? And if you do walk away , she will run to him. She's in love....Eventually, he will meet your kids ect. And the cheater story will continue without you. Yes , I think enough is enough
Definitely file for divorce. Even if you don't follow thru she will know you mean business.
Definitely file for divorce. Even if you don't follow thru she will know you mean business.
OP, your wife is a serial cheater, the worst kind. You know about this instance with the old man, you know about the Vegas cheating, and you are pretty sure she cheated on your at least twice early in your relationship, when she was being mean to you. It's almost certain that you only know the tip of the iceberg, there are likely many other instances of cheating that you don't know about.
She has shown you who she is, it's time to believe her. You need to steel yourself against the begging and pleading that is to come, and file for divorce. If you don't this will continue to happen, and you will eventually be right back here. She is in an industry ripe with cheaters... What a mess. D, focus on being an excellent co-parent, and when you are ready you will find a woman with the moral character to be a good, faithful spouse. You will be okay.
She has shown you who she is, it's time to believe her. You need to steel yourself against the begging and pleading that is to come, and file for divorce. If you don't this will continue to happen, and you will eventually be right back here. She is in an industry ripe with cheaters... What a mess. D, focus on being an excellent co-parent, and when you are ready you will find a woman with the moral character to be a good, faithful spouse. You will be okay.
She doesn't value her husband, because she doesn't value herself.
FYI, she had sex with him every time they met up and she had sex on the Vegas trip and there is probably more. Your wife is in no way shape or form a safe spouse. She is a habitual liar and cheater. If you stay you can expect more of the same.I found out and confronted her. Initially she tried to make it seem like it was a one time drunken thing but I knew better and eventually had her confess to the other secret meet ups.
She says she's in love with him.
Why would anyone stay married to someone in love with another man?
Why would anyone stay married to someone in love with another man?
I'm not sure which is worse, knowing you wife boinked another man or hearing her say she fell in love with another man. Either would be the death of the marriage.She says she's in love with him.
Why would anyone stay married to someone in love with another man?
How are you not absolutely furious right now? Seriously, this is exactly one of those times when it's completely appropriate to rage break things. Especially things she cares about. She broke your most important item: your heart.
I would say you are way past enough is enough.
Take your life back!
Take your life back!
I'm wondering Walt.
What are your plans?
Are you going to divorce her?
Stop wandering Walt.
Get a grip, send her packing.
Don't hate her, just write her off.
You now know, her marriage script is written in red ink.
She wrote you off on day one, day two, lordy, so many days, without end.
Sorry.
What are your plans?
Are you going to divorce her?
Stop wandering Walt.
Get a grip, send her packing.
Don't hate her, just write her off.
You now know, her marriage script is written in red ink.
She wrote you off on day one, day two, lordy, so many days, without end.
Sorry.
41 - 60 of 78 Posts
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