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My husband and I have been separated for 8 weeks. He was living in a temporary situation with basically no furniture on an air mattress. I honestly was surprised he lasted that long with so little things. He has plenty of money to furnish the place and could have taken some stuff from our home. I honestly saw it as a sign that he wouldn’t be gone long. He left telling me he didn’t want divorce. Told me last week that he’s going to start looking at apartments, one of the reasons as he wants our daughter to stay with him. We talked about it, seemed hesitant on signing a long-term lease. I suggested why didn’t he just move furniture from our house over to his temporary situation. He later came to me saying he was considering that now and thanked me for that, and that he would come to get stuff. I left the house when he got here today to move stuff. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. Because I felt like I was going to fall apart. Sad part is I feel like he feels hurt himself and bad about the whole situation. But he won’t work on things. He says this is just who he is now. I walked in the door tonight And that empty pit in my stomach just came back. Seeing empty places were his things were just gutted me. He took our guest bed, his desk,a tv, and a chair and a few other smaller things. It just feels like this is just pushing towards divorce more. I do work on myself. I do take time for myself, hobbies, I am a very involved mother and love my daughter to death. I know I need to stay strong for her, and I am. But I love my husband dearly too. He just isnt himself right now. His friends and family members that know about the situation have also noted that he’s not himself. I just don’t know when I could or should move on? Do I wait until everything is official?

I have good days and bad days. I have days where I reflect on our marriage,I see things that I didn’t see before he left. Him distancing himself more and not seeming as interested in our marriage. But I also still felt loved and appreciated by him. I felt like we were a family, that we were friends, that we were committed to each other. It’s very hard for me to be alone, it’s very isolating on top of all of this quarantine. Everyday at some point just feels like a bad dream. I just don’t know how we got here. I’m facing the reality as well. I know that I’m bettering myself for either outcome that this ends up being. I just love him and don’t want our family broken up. I at least want to say we tried, went to therapy, etc. I feel like I don’t even have answers on why he left. Don’t I deserve that at the very least? I go back-and-forth between being angry, devastated, and feeling dumb for holding on. I know sometimes separations last for a while. Neither of us are in a rush to file for divorce, or so we have both said. But it all just seems like it’s taking its time getting down the road to that. I worry if I move on now. My heart won’t be open for him if his heart changes his mind.
 

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My husband and I have been separated for 8 weeks. He was living in a temporary situation with basically no furniture on an air mattress. I honestly was surprised he lasted that long with so little things. He has plenty of money to furnish the place and could have taken some stuff from our home. I honestly saw it as a sign that he wouldn’t be gone long. He left telling me he didn’t want divorce. Told me last week that he’s going to start looking at apartments, one of the reasons as he wants our daughter to stay with him. We talked about it, seemed hesitant on signing a long-term lease. I suggested why didn’t he just move furniture from our house over to his temporary situation. He later came to me saying he was considering that now and thanked me for that, and that he would come to get stuff. I left the house when he got here today to move stuff. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. Because I felt like I was going to fall apart. Sad part is I feel like he feels hurt himself and bad about the whole situation. But he won’t work on things. He says this is just who he is now. I walked in the door tonight And that empty pit in my stomach just came back. Seeing empty places were his things were just gutted me. He took our guest bed, his desk,a tv, and a chair and a few other smaller things. It just feels like this is just pushing towards divorce more. I do work on myself. I do take time for myself, hobbies, I am a very involved mother and love my daughter to death. I know I need to stay strong for her, and I am. But I love my husband dearly too. He just isnt himself right now. His friends and family members that know about the situation have also noted that he’s not himself. I just don’t know when I could or should move on? Do I wait until everything is official?

I have good days and bad days. I have days where I reflect on our marriage,I see things that I didn’t see before he left. Him distancing himself more and not seeming as interested in our marriage. But I also still felt loved and appreciated by him. I felt like we were a family, that we were friends, that we were committed to each other. It’s very hard for me to be alone, it’s very isolating on top of all of this quarantine. Everyday at some point just feels like a bad dream. I just don’t know how we got here. I’m facing the reality as well. I know that I’m bettering myself for either outcome that this ends up being. I just love him and don’t want our family broken up. I at least want to say we tried, went to therapy, etc. I feel like I don’t even have answers on why he left. Don’t I deserve that at the very least? I go back-and-forth between being angry, devastated, and feeling dumb for holding on. I know sometimes separations last for a while. Neither of us are in a rush to file for divorce, or so we have both said. But it all just seems like it’s taking its time getting down the road to that. I worry if I move on now. My heart won’t be open for him if his heart changes his mind.
Awe I’m so sorry. Im in the same boat. I miss him and he’s moving out in 2 weeks, but we constantly argued over money, him not lifting a finger around the house and his negativity. He never wanted to see a counselor and finally went on antidepressants. My heart hurts, but I asked for the divorce so I could have some sanity. Hearing someone complain all the time instead of being thankful for the little things was killing and draining my soul. I too have good and bad days. I know it gets better in time as I had my heart broken before. Hugs my friend. Xavi
 

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I'm going to tell you something. I read your post, and I see we have a lot in common. We have the same fears and the same desires. We have a spouse that doesn't know what they want, and we want to do whatever it takes to work things out. If you are like me, you wouldn't have imagined in a million years your spouse doing this to you. We want things to work out, and we want things to be "good" again. I read your post, and my gut tells me you should realize you don't deserve this and someone out there will treat you better. It would be better to live alone than with someone who makes you feel so bad. As I read your post, it makes me think the same thing about myself. This site is full of people who refuse to give up, and so many of them carry on and on and on and on, with hope, when we all truly know there is someone else out there who wouldn't do this to us. Yes, we are scared. Of course. And when the voices in our head start giving us scenarios, it drives us crazy and makes us spiral out of control, as we think about them being happy with someone else. The reality is, even though we don't want to believe it now, we KNOW we will be better in time. Maybe a few months. Maybe a year, Maybe two. Two years goes by in a flash, so worst case scenario, we are still past it at some point. I'm not saying you should give up, but I am saying we should not be the only one trying.
 

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I'm not saying you should give up, but I am saying we should not be the only one trying.
Can I be candid ?

It is true that you "should not" be the only one trying. But the fact is, you are.
Neither am I saying you "should" give up.

However, I am a pragmatist. I don't worry about "should", I do what WORKS.
Continuing to hold on DOESN'T WORK.

"Should" is a theory.

Albert Einstein:

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
 

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When did you notice his behavior change? Did he act / dress different? Those are signs of a possible EA / PA.

No matter what he does / says.... you must prepare yourself to move on with your life.

It is NOT your job to make him happy. That is HIS job. Relying on others to make one happy is a road to misery.
 

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My suggestion is that you file for divorce. I know it’s not what you want, but you need to protect yourself and your daughter. He will leave you in limbo forever if you don’t take control for yourself. Also you may be able to take advantage of his current state of mind with the terms and settlement if you move quickly.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter #8
When did you notice his behavior change? Did he act / dress different? Those are signs of a possible EA / PA.

No matter what he does / says.... you must prepare yourself to move on with your life.

It is NOT your job to make him happy. That is HIS job. Relying on others to make one happy is a road to misery.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
He came to be in December about this. Said he feels differently and he didn’t know why. Felt lost, not like himself, and little things about me bothered him now. We Tried to put work in on our own- date nights, what I thought was better communication. Finally marriage counseling at beginning of March and he said he’s unhappy and moving out was the only option. After 2 joint sessions and an individual session for both of us, our therapist suggested he needs to talk to someone on his own. She spoke to me and privately saying that he’s having difficulty opening up and feels like he’s been not having a voice. Possible depression. Since he’s been gone though I feel like the isolation has made things worse on him. He still tells me he’s confused sometimes.
My mind goes to him having a affair. I’ve asked him if that is why he wants to leave, he’s told me no. I also have no evidence of this and have access to several things that could give me clues.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
My suggestion is that you file for divorce. I know it’s not what you want, but you need to protect yourself and your daughter. He will leave you in limbo forever if you don’t take control for yourself. Also you may be able to take advantage of his current state of mind with the terms and settlement if you move quickly.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter #11
That’s the debate. Right now he does seem like he’s in a fog, he’s even told me that I could have the house. Who knows if he really means that. My fear is if he saw numbers and was already wrapped up in his newfound life, he would change his mind. But the fog he’s in also gives me hope some days. I know. But I can’t fully let that hope go. Already not now.
 

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If he’s having an affair (who knows), he wouldn’t be likely to tell you the truth so you need to be skeptical of what he says. Focus on making your life better and don’t obsess about what he’s doing, or spend your time waiting for him, because that’s not something you can control. Move on with your life.
 
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