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When is my body your body in marriage and how much change should be agreed on? I parsed this into various points. Which point is too far? What happens when they simply can not agree?
Happened in my social circle friend of a friend. I came in sort of middle-ish in this time frame. Not exact but close to actual sequence.
Origin Week 0
It started of all noble. Wife had mid shoulder length hair. He loved it. Wife gets head shaved for cancer research (St Baldrick I think) he supports her though not attracted to short hair much less a crew cut. He gets agreement she will regrow the hair. (at 5 inches a year a 2-3 year process) Nonetheless she goes through with it and he supports her good deed. That is what spouses do. Of course short hair is easier to take care of so one day he notices she gets a haircut about 4-5 months in. Sort of a ?Pixie? but much shorter. Kind of like a bit shorter than Jamie Lee Curtis is now. She says shes not going to grow out and this is it.
Point 1 Week 20ish
Wife gets new (punk? Goth?) friend met at work. (never saw her)
She gets an extra ear piercing. He's meh on it
Point 2 Week 22 ish
Belly button piercing. He's meh on it but getting worried
point 3 Week 23 ish
Teddy bear tattoo on shoulder HATES it. She says “my body”
point 4 Week 25ish
barb wire tattoo on arm HATES it. She says “my body”
point 5 Week 30ish
5 inch tattoo (Big red rose) on one arm LOATHES it. He gets enraged at this point. She says “my body”
point 6 Week 32ish
Nostril piercing and eyebrow. Arguing constantly at this point. His attraction to her near zero at this point.
Point 7 Week 40ish
nipple piercing stopped talking to each other about here
Point 8 Week 42ish
gets a full sleeve tattoo on other arm. (More rose art)
Point 9 Week 48 ish
privates piercing Enraged that this was performed by a man besides the piercing itself. (not sure how he found out if they weren't talking (told friend???))
Point 10. about a year they separated.
skipping some probably but she ends up “looking like she fell in a tackle box” and tattooed all over.
Divorce near done. He won't even look at her. Says to the effect that the woman he married is gone. She hangs more with new work friend circle than in my circle at the time. Saw her a few times toward the end. Blah. Many of the details are from friends in this circle of friends. Saw a pic of her before her transformation. Pretty woman. Not a model but certainly a bit above average.
 

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Wow. This goes beyond just making some body alterations, this sounds indicative of a whole new persona! Did she EVER discuss these before-hand with him? I think anything past Point 5 is too far without discussion and agreement. Yes, it is "your" body, but your committed partner's opinions and feelings need to be considered for more extreme alterations, IMO.
 

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it isn't the physical changes but the lack of any real communication. sounds like the two grew apart and she made attachments with a whole different group of people. the body changes are just symptoms of the deeper divide. sounds like she did change from the woman she was. not enough information to say why or what changes hubby may have been going through.
 

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This is not too much different then the MLC changes. Very common for the one spouse to make all types of changes physically, like excessive working out, dental changes, boob jobs, other plastic surgeries....its all an obsession.

If there are issues in the marriage, they only get amplified when this happens.

Likely more to the history and story for someone to be going through this.
 

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My wife and I go by the policy of joint agreement on this stuff. POJA. We each have veto power.

The it is my body I will do what I want would be a non starter for me. It would be a deal breaker.

If you look at the threads in recent months there seems to be an agenda that wants to be pushed about this is my body I will do anything i want with it. This covers what you are covering in this thread and it even covers the right for a woman to decide to show a lot of skin wearing whatever she wants to being a prostitute or a stripper ... to dating others and being in an open marriage ... to dancing ... drinking ... taking drugs ... getting fondled and so on.

If mt wife wanted a tattoo and came to me and we really discussed it we would come to some agreement. I love her body the way it is. She knows this. IF she were to just go get a tattoo it would shatter all trust I have in her.

Now hair style is a very different thing, but that said, if my wife got something mega radical we would have a problem with it. That said, a hair style is not a permanent thing.

I guess some people are just not married as much as others are.
 

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When is my body your body in marriage and how much change should be agreed on? I parsed this into various points. Which point is too far? What happens when they simply can not agree?

Like I said in my post, if they do not agree the change does not happen.

Happened in my social circle friend of a friend. I came in sort of middle-ish in this time frame. Not exact but close to actual sequence.
Origin Week 0
It started of all noble. Wife had mid shoulder length hair. He loved it. Wife gets head shaved for cancer research (St Baldrick I think) he supports her though not attracted to short hair much less a crew cut. He gets agreement she will regrow the hair. (at 5 inches a year a 2-3 year process) Nonetheless she goes through with it and he supports her good deed. That is what spouses do. Of course short hair is easier to take care of so one day he notices she gets a haircut about 4-5 months in. Sort of a ?Pixie? but much shorter. Kind of like a bit shorter than Jamie Lee Curtis is now. She says shes not going to grow out and this is it.

My wife has had shorter hair than I prefer, but no biggie. She is cute period. But she actually asked me if I would prefer it longer and I said yes but that it was not a big deal as I love her the way she is. She has grown it out further and I love what she has done with it. She wears it up. I actually like this look better than long or short. So win/win. She loves it this way too because she can adorn it it with .... feminine ... stuff.

Point 1 Week 20ish
Wife gets new (punk? Goth?) friend met at work. (never saw her)
She gets an extra ear piercing. He's meh on it
Point 2 Week 22 ish
Belly button piercing. He's meh on it but getting worried

If I was worried at this I would have said so. If she said she did it for me she could get by with this. A piercing is not permanent.

point 3 Week 23 ish
Teddy bear tattoo on shoulder HATES it. She says “my body”

Ok so if my wife did this without discussing with me we would have a problem. A bigger problem would be the "my body". I think all hell would break out for us here. I could see me being ok with this if she discussed with me, but it would concern me that she is not happy with her body. Even more concern would be the change in the person this would indicate. If she was into tatoo culture already it is a different thing. I would at tbis point be worried about toxic friends. But this is a problem becasue we have already discussed this. My wife never asked for one. I volunteered that to her on more than one occasion. She knows if she wanted one she could discuss with me. She never has.

point 4 Week 25ish
barb wire tattoo on arm HATES it. She says “my body”

So assuming I got past the last tatoo and made my boundaries clear this is serious disrespect and unfaithfulness. Why? Becasue to get past the last tatoo we would have had to agree on the boundary. In this guys case he dod not do that though in reality he made it clear he dod not want this so she did it anyway. I would have gotten that message from her. For me I would have been looking into my exit strategy as this would have crossed boundaries.

point 5 Week 30ish
5 inch tattoo (Big red rose) on one arm LOATHES it. He gets enraged at this point. She says “my body”

This is when I start seeking phycological help for my wife.

point 6 Week 32ish
Nostril piercing and eyebrow. Arguing constantly at this point. His attraction to her near zero at this point.


Point 7 Week 40ish
nipple piercing stopped talking to each other about here

By this time if there were any doubts the paperwork would be serverd. It would be even worse if a guy did this.

Point 8 Week 42ish
gets a full sleeve tattoo on other arm. (More rose art)
Point 9 Week 48 ish
privates piercing Enraged that this was performed by a man besides the piercing itself. (not sure how he found out if they weren't talking (told friend???))

Yeah people will laugh but I see a man doing this as infidelity. Some will say he is like a doctor. Right. But for sure if I had not filed I would here.
Obviously she is getting her genitals pearced for someone other than me. But man or woman this is strange step. Again if my wife had spoken to me I might have been ok with this if I was convinced this was not for someone else. In no way would I be ok with a guy doing this or watching this.

Point 10. about a year they separated.
skipping some probably but she ends up “looking like she fell in a tackle box” and tattooed all over.
Divorce near done. He won't even look at her. Says to the effect that the woman he married is gone. She hangs more with new work friend circle than in my circle at the time. Saw her a few times toward the end. Blah. Many of the details are from friends in this circle of friends. Saw a pic of her before her transformation. Pretty woman. Not a model but certainly a bit above average.
She got what she wanted. She turned out not to be the woman he thought he married any more. Yes we all should evolve. There will be thoughs coming here and talking about how awesome their tattoos are and that is not even remotely the point.

So Mr weightlifter. How far does a bodybuilder get to go if his wife is turned off by the extreme stuff or if I am taking steroids and so on.
 
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